


Turn of the Page

by moonphase9



Category: Death Note
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1930s, Bigotry & Prejudice, Doomed Relationship, Drama, Dysfunctional Family, England (Country), Family, Gen, Ghost Sex, Ghosts, Gothic, Haunting, Implied Slash, M/M, Male Slash, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Period-Typical Homophobia, Psychological Horror, Racism, Romance, Scary, non sexual incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-18
Updated: 2014-03-18
Packaged: 2018-01-16 05:55:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 27
Words: 53,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1334521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonphase9/pseuds/moonphase9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matsuda is bought to England from America to be the tutor of two rich brothers, Mello and Matt. However prejudice, lies, illicit romance and a terrible secret involving the lives, and deaths, of two mysterious men threatens to destroy them all...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Job Interview

**Author's Note:**

> This is loosely based on 'The Turn of the Screw.'

Chapter 1: The Job Interview  
Los Angeles 1934

Misa-Misa, the dance hall queen, returning from her month long holiday in the Caribbean, arrived back in L.A to find a black envelop awaiting her. It had been pressed down with an old fashioned seal and the stamp was evidence that it had come from England.

Dear Mistress,

I am afraid to say that I am the bearer of bad news. Our newest in-house tutor has died. It was another suicide madam. There is even more bad news, more death... the death of someone you loved so please brace yourself Madam. We are not sure of everything that transpired between them but…

As she read on, Misa gasped slightly and fell backward, conveniently into an arm chair. "Oh no," she whined, putting her hand to her head. "Oh dear. What a frightful bore it'll be to organise both of their funerals. TAKADA!" She screeched.

A very harried and stressed maid laden down with several bags and suitcases entered the room. Her brown bob was stuck to her face and neck from perspiration. Her face red and swollen from the effort of carrying so much. "Yes Madam?" She ground out through gritted teeth.

"Why is my life so unfair?" Sighed Misa. "Hurry and put those away, then make me some tea."

Trying not to roll her eyes, Takada shuffled back outside to obey her mistress.

Matsuda excitedly jumped off the tram and practically waltzed across the street and into a important looking high rise tower. This was so amazing! Not only was this his first time in a big city and not only was this his first interview but he was going to meet the, THE Misa- Misa Amane!

Inside the foyer he walked up to a snooty looking bunch of receptionists, all trying to look very glam and very busy.

"Erm, excuse me?"

They ignored him.

"Excuse me? Miss?"

With a quiet sigh one receptionist deemed herself to look at him archly. She offered a stiff smile given too late to be real, "yes? May I help you?" She over-emphasised the 'm' in 'may' which would have irritated anyone else but Matsuda.

"Oh yes please!" Matsuda eyes lit up in childlike glee. "I have an appointment with Miss Misa Amane." He practically yelled it, and could not help a furtive glance around the area to see if anyone had noticed. No one looked his way.

Hah! They were probably all too caught up in jealousy…

"Miss Amane?" She over-pronounced the 'M' again in her incredulity.

He nodded eagerly.

With a raised eyebrow she began to search down a list of names.

"Name?"

"Matsuda Touta Maa'm!"

She gaped momentarily like a fish, before recovering quickly (she did want to make it into Hollywood one day.) She beamed a winning, Hollywood smile at him showing off all her dental work. "Welcome Mr Touta. Miss Amane is on the seventh floor in room eight. Our bell boy, Martin,"

Matsuda looked to the left, where the receptionist was gesturing, and leapt; a freckly, red haired up was suddenly standing right next to him, stiff as a board and ready for room-leading action. "He must have the skills of a ninja," thought Matsuda hazily.

"…will lead you the rest of the way." She finished.

Martin lead the way silently, as Matsuda cooed and gasped unrestrainedly at all the art work and sculptures on the walls, as well as all the glam looking people in the corridors. He seemed not to notice their nasty smirks at his country bumpkin suit and obvious naivety.

Martin knocked on a wooden oak door. "Come in." Drawled a high pitch voice Matsuda recognised.

"Oh my Gawd!" He thought nearly peeing himself with joy.

The door opened and there she was draped so elegantly on a leather settee, the, yes THE Misa Misa the Queen of the Dance Halls.

Matsuda gasped and openly stared.

She was even more beautiful in reality!

He had only seen her on the silver screen , but in real life she was three-dimensional and all colour and glitter! Her hair was golden, her eyes a brilliant blue, her body slender (he blushed,) she was the American Dream girl, most assuredly!

He must have been in some sort of daze because next ting he knew he was sitting down on a leather couch, a drink of bourbon in his hand. He was amazed, first of all he never drank and second of all he was in an interview to be an in-house tutor! It was hardly appropriate, even though she must have been the one to give it him, and he must of taken it without a second thought. Or even a first thought, as the case may be. What if it had been a test? She offers him a drink and he should of said no if he wanted to have a chance of getting the job! It was in the heat of the depression and people were turning to alcohol. He was not one of them! No sir, mama raised him better than that! He hastily placed it back on the table. He did not want to make a bad impression.

During this dilemma, Misa had been mincing around the room, fluffing pillows and other irrelevant activities, constantly talking.

"…but Matt's a real dear," she finished, looking at Matsuda and smiling. He nodded and grinned, not knowing who Matt was. She sat down opposite him. "But little 'ole Mello will turn up later. Poor dears were orphaned. Their dada, my bother-in-law, killed himself because he never got over the things he witnessed in the war. Then their poor mama, my dear, dear sister, she killed herself," Misa related with all the emotion of someone talking about their dead goldfish.

She smiled and gestured to herself. "I'm their only relative, but, I can hardly raise children! I'm young and have a great career, important too, I'm helping keep America's spirits up!" She squeaked the last word and Matsuda did his patented 'eager nod.' "D-definitely! My family love watching you-"

"So I sent them to live in a family home in England." Misa interrupted, silencing Matsuda immediately. "Its been in my family for years. Its in the countryside, very beautiful and they have all the servants in the world." She sighed. "They're so lucky! They live like Princes. And you will too. So, you want the job?"

"Ah, oh, well…." This was unexpected. Matsuda had prepared himself for a barrage of questions. He was new to the job, inexperienced and young. Yet, she was offering it immediately? And it was based in…?

"…It's in England?" He continued after recovering a little of his wits.

She nodded, still smiling.

"The advert never said…"

The smile faded.

"Mr Touta…ah… Matsuda, can I call you that?"

He nodded as she sat down next to him. He could smell her perfume, feel her body heat…

"Matsuda this is a great opportunity." She pouted. " And you should be impressed that someone of…your background, is being given such an opportunity."

Matsuda understood. He could hardly go back home. His family were suffering under the economic crash and were still suffering the after affects of the horrific world war. Nearly all their money and savings had gone on his education (which despite his best efforts, he had only done moderately well in his exams,) and travel costs into L.A.

God knows he could not screw up!

"Your right, I'll take the job!" He grinned and shook her hand.

"Okies, well there's just one teensy request. I am a busy, busy young woman and I do not want to be disturbed, at any cost." She ground out the last three words, her voice losing it childish charms and becoming seriously adult like and demanding. "I do not care if they are being naughty. I do not want letters of praise. Nothing. Nada. It is your responsibility. The old tutor…well…I had high hopes and he failed me." She looked at him with those big baby blues. "You won't fail me will you, Matsu?" She coyly stroked his hand whilst making her breathy supplication.

Breathing heavily and blushing, Matsuda assured her he would not let her down. "Good," she crooned, "then in a few months, I might come visit you. It will be sweet, we'll be like mommy and daddy with the children." She was still tracing small circles on his hand with her manicured nails.

"That would be nice, maa'm."

The very next day, Matsuda was on a boat to Winchester, England, to meet his new students, brothers Matt and Mello.


	2. Applegate

Matsuda had to admit that England wasn't exactly what he had envisioned.

The people, in particular, where not quite like how the movies portrayed them. First of all, they were pretty mean! And secondly, they did not speak very quickly in chopped and concise sentences. Their accents were heavy and dulled and somewhat slurred. Matsuda could barely understand them. He was grateful when he saw the name 'Touta' being held up on a white board by a young, stout woman dressed in a chauffeur's get up.

It poured down with rain in London. The city and sky were all grey. Even Matsuda and his infinite high spirits were not impervious to all the stress. He had left home for Los Angeles, which was scary enough, but to now go to a different country? It had been, it was, terrifying. But with his family in economic crisis, what choice did he have? This job paid well, and he had been damned lucky to get it.

He hardly knew a thing about his future pupils other than that they were orphaned siblings who went by the names of Matt and Mello. Damn that distracting bourbon! (He immediately imagined the bourbon with a cartoon face crying and so guiltily retracted the 'damn.') He tried making some polite conversation with the chauffer, to both distract him from his melancholy thoughts and to perhaps glean some information on the boys, but after only a few grunts of recognition, he gave up and fell into a fraught and restless sleep. And it was in his sleep that strange visions plagued his young and innocent mind...

He saw two demons disguised as young boys, one of them had pale skin with jet black, unruly hair, his eyes as dark and unforgiving as the pits of hell. The other boy looked like an angel; his hair thick, chestnut brown, his skin containing a healthy bronze glow but his eyes were narrow and conniving. This child frightened Matsuda the most; he radiated over-possessiveness and above all…corruption. It was the thing, the sin, his father had hated the most.

Just as Matsuda was planning to run away from them screaming unashamedly, the black haired youth clutched at his throat and began making chocking noises. Matsudas' innate humanist and paternal tendencies came to the fore and forgetting his fears he ran to the child.

With the duel perception that dreams could offer their user, Matsuda could see the light haired boy scowl in displeasure. The black haired boy was his!

He continued towards the dark haired boy anyway, ignoring that the light haired boy seemed to get out a black note book and a pen in his anger (a strange way to relieve anger but this was a dream, and another boy was chocking and so more deserving of Matsuda's concentration.)

He halted as said boy fell to his knees and began to cough up paper, crumpled up bits of paper. It was disgusting. They were all covered in spit and phlegm. And then, worst of all, with a final throat ripping wretch a large black snake with red criss-cross stripes on its back slithered out of the boy.

Matsuda screamed and stepped back.

The snake hissed and slithered towards him. It was impossibly long, stretching out like an evil shadow, pouring out of the gagging boys mouth. The simple fact that something so vile and evil could come out of the mouth of a child, one of the most innocent creations on Gods earth, was more abhorrent than Matsuda could possibly comprehend.

Then the snake opened its mouth and spewed out a large and shiny red apple which itself rolled across the floor a while before settling.

Matsuda felt his hairs on the back of his neck rising in revulsion and horror. However, he was distracted by boyish laughter. The fair headed boy came into his line of sight. He put the black note book away in his pocket and picked up the apple. He walked to and stood over the black haired boy, who was now motionless on the ground. The way the light haired boy leaned over the dark haired one reminded Matsuda of a picture his father had put on his bedroom wall at home (despite the fact that it terrified Matsuda as a child) that of Satan leering over one of the fallen angels after the Battle of Heaven.

The light haired child grinned at Matsuda, handsomeness emphasised by his bright smile. There was something very evil in that smile. An old evil, old as the hills, as his mother used to say, hiding in a young face. It was an atrocity.

And then the boy took a bite of the disgusting apple.

CRUNCH!

 

Matsuda woke up in shock. His heart pounded and the light burned his eyes for a moment. Momentarily disorientated, Matsuda began to realise he was rocking slightly side to side. He was in the back seat of a car. The light was pouring in from the windows. His nightmare already beginning to drain away, Matsuda smiled at the sight. They were now in the country and this was the England he had imagined. Fields separated by hedgerow went on far off into the horizon. Tree's adorned each side of the road they drove down. The rain was gone, left behind in that miserable grey city with its scary people and intimidating buildings; the bright yellow orb glittered in the cerulean sky which was littered only by the odd white and fluffy cloud.

"Wow, is this where I'll be living?" He asked the chauffer, forgetting how reticent she was. She merely nodded and Matsuda nearly peed his pants with glee. After five more minutes of watching his antics in the car mirror, she deemed him worthy of her conversation; it would appear that he was not like the last one…

"Excuse me sir, Mr Touta,"

"YES MAA'M?"

"…yes…well in a few moments you will see our residence, Applegate Manor. Just to your left, beyond the trees."

Sure enough, the vast ruby red house came into view. It was huge, dominating the landscape with its vivid colour and enormous size.

"I can see why its called Apple-gate," he grinned, "its like a big red apple!" He noticed her disgruntled expression and amended his sentence to include; "…a really pretty shiny apple."

She smiled and nodded and Matsuda basked in her approval.

When they arrived and climbed out of the vehicle, Matsuda saw all the servants standing outside in a line, doubtless waiting for his arrival. He flushed, he never knew he wuld be so important! An elderly gentleman who seemed made out of grace he was so dignified in manner and dress, approached him and shook his hand.

"Mr Touta we are so glad you have arrived. My name is Mr Watari and I am the head of all the servants. These are the servants. There aren't as many as they used to be," the man sighed, "what with the war and the economy… You will work most closely with me. I have been the one raising Matt since Mello left for school."

"And the old in-house tutor? The one before me? What happened to him, did he leave without waiting for me to arrive and take over or…?" Matsuda was sure that Miss Misa had mentioned one and he was quite curious as to his predecessor.

"Ah, well," suddenly the man seemed very anxious and even all of the servants had stiffened as if offended by the question; Matsuda worried if he had done something wrong. After all the English had different sensibilities to the Americans, didn't they? Weren't Americans perceived as brash in Europe? Had he let his nation down by abiding by a stereotype?

Suddenly frightened of causing offence Matsuda tried to apologise, but Mr Watari had begun to speak again, his composure regained. "I'm afraid the last tutor was not up to Applegate standard, but I am certain you will be sir. What did you think of him Sachiko?" He called jokingly to the chauffer. She smiled and did a thumbs up sign, earning a chuckle from the (now relaxed) servants and Matsuda a hefty slap on the back.

"Welcome home, Mr Touta!"

And Matsuda felt at home, too. "So, where is Matt?"

"Ah, the young Master likes to play games. I do believe that he is hiding and he wants you to find him."

"Oh wow, first day here and all I have to do is play hide and seek!"

"It is the summer," chuckled Mr. Watari, "you can have a holiday along with them. Us servants won't tell," he tapped the side of his nose conspiratorially, "dinner will be at six. I will collect you and Master Matt."

Matsuda nodded and, following Watari's advice, entered the grand Manor and went slowly up a large winding staircase. Like when meeting Miss Amane in the Grand Hotel, he was impressed with the art and structure of the building. However, this artwork was very different to that of the hotel's. The pictures were mostly of people, all in old fashioned but very impressive outfits. They were mostly fair headed and pale-eyed. He felt like they were watching him disdainfully and thinking, "what's this horrible yank doing in our family home?" He could imagine the snorting derisively. Imagine if, in their rage, they decided to haunt him at night, to scare him away?

He shook his head, no time for silly thoughts.

"Matt," he called in a whisper, "Matt? Its Mr Touta your new in-house tutor! Matt!"

He whipped around as behind him he heard running feet. But the hall was empty.

"Matt?" The end of the hall was lit by the warm yellow sunshine. At the end was a small winding staircase that probably led to one of the battlements. Despite the pleasant appearance, the hallway did not have a happy feel to it. It almost felt like a fake happiness, like an illusion, like a trap...

He leapt as something touched his back.

Childish laughter followed it. Turning back away form the yellow lit hallway, he saw a small red headed boy looking up at him. "You are no good at hide and seek!" The child declared, with no malice tied to it. "It's alright though, we will teach you."

"We?" Repeated Matsuda. "I assume you mean you and Mello?"

The boy only smiled sweetly, his green eyes wide and innocent. There was a few moments before Matsuda tried another question. "Was you behind me a moment ago?" He asked. Sometimes very young children were slow to answering questions and it was better to change track than wait for them to answer. "I heard you running."

"I don't run, it's not allowed," Said Matt obscurely. "Let me show you around. You can see my room if you like."

Later that night after a day full of fun and wonder, (Matt was like a seven year old angel,) Matsuda gave a goodnight and a story to said angel before being led to his bedroom by Mr Watari. He had asked Watari if Mello was as well behaved as Matt, to which Watari gushed that not only was Mello an exemplary well-behaved boy, but his grades were outstanding, his musical talent astonishing and he was quite good looking too to boot.

All in all, Matsuda was in high spirits. He could hardly believe his luck so far! The one thing that caused him some anxiety was that, he was quickly realising that he was going to be doing a lot more than teaching the boys. He was practically a surrogate parent for Matt (and he supposed, Mello too, when he returned from school for the holidays,) plus he was expected to give the servants orders on domestic issues (normally reserved for the Master or Mistress of a home) such as what the menu should be each day and which rooms were to be cleaned for use. Still, the servants seemed nice enough. He was certain they would all be supportive.

The bedroom he was to stay in was as big as his sitting room and kitchen put together at home. (For some reason he had had a strange fear that they were going to put him in a scary dark attic to sleep in. Reality, in this case, was infinitely better than fantasy. Maybe his mind was just a dark place? Hmm…)

In any case, he giggled and rolled on his bed like a big kid, fighting down the urge to actually leap up and down on it. As nice as the servants were they seemed a little pernickety at times and he figured they would not appreciate a broken bed or lots of noise.

Opening his wardrobe to put away his clothes, he noticed that a single item of clothing hung there. It was a very simply designed, long-sleeved, white shirt. Picking it out carefully he examined. Had the servants left it for him? Why would they? And then he saw it, a long black strand of hair. He attentively plucked it from the shirt whose white purity it marred.

Something flashed in the corner of his eye.

He looked around quickly. Nothing was there, just his bedroom…but he swore he saw something move. And it had moved towards him.

Gulping, he put the shirt back, and even laid the hair back on it. He put his own clothes away, leaving some space between them and the shirt. He would ask the servants to remove it in the morning. He continued his nightly ritual: dress in night clothes, brush through hair fourteen times, wash face, scrub teeth. It made him feel better that nightly routine he had had since childhood, climbing into his grand bed he promised himself that he would ask for some paper and would write home immediately. He could simply phone home, but he did not want to make an expensive long distance call when he had only just arrived.

Matsuda turned off the lamp next to him plunging the room into darkness. It was as if the house let out a relieved sigh, like all this fake, bright happiness had been wearing a little thin. Matsuda snuggled down into the blankets. It suddenly felt a lot colder…

He was broken from his thoughts by a creaking sound. Peeking out of the cupboards, he saw the wardrobe door had opened, just a little. He could see the sleeve of the white shirt sticking out slightly. It shone in the moon light.

Matsuda gripped the blanket whilst admonishing himself for being intimidated by a shirt of all things. Still, he stared at the cupboard, especially the shirt, half daring any monster to reveal it self, half being too scared to loo away in case the monster came. Something underneath the shirt sleeve shone. Matsuda frowned and focused in on it. It was cicular and….oh God it was an eye. He stared in silence.

And eye, and eye was watching him!

His breathing began to speed up whilst logic ran through his mind trying to keep him sane. "No not an eye, that's impossible. Its something innocent you are mistaking for an eye.

It blinked.

Matsuda screamed and sat up.

It was morning.

"What?" He thought, confused and frightened. "What was it? What happened? A nightmare?"

He looked about, deeply distrubed, shivering and sweating. Then he let out a nervous chuckle. It must have been a dream…must have been. Getting up, his confidence renewed in the strength of the sun, he walked boldly up to the wardrobe and ripped it open. There was no shirt. Then when did he start dreaming? When did the nightmare begin and end?

A knocking on the door distracted him. It was Matt, who wanted to play IMMEDIATELY. Laughing, Matsuda promised they would after breakfast. With a day of activities (and some would just have to be educational, maybe they could study and memorise the name of all the flowers in the garden….?) running through his mind, the nightmare of last night pushed itself into the recesses of Matsuda's happy mind.


	3. Ai Ai

Sure enough after a healthy breakfast with Watari, Matsuda and Matt went into the gardens, Matt running excitedly. Matsuda had decided to begin some lessons with Matt. He felt he was being too lazy otherwise. Besides, he was a teacher, not a babysitter. He had told Matt at breakfast, expecting the boy to be reluctant. However, as usual Matt was perfect; he was happy to do any academic work and was even excited to learn. Matsuda couldn't believe his luck in getting such a pupil.

"Alright, what's this one?" Matsuda pointed to a flower.

"It's a Bluebell, Mr Matsuda!"

"Yes, but what is it scientific name?"

Matt paused and stared at it.

"You must know," pushed Matsuda hoping that he didn't sound angry or frustrated, "I would have thought that your old teacher had taught you a few of these already?" Matt looked at him slightly desperately. "He did. He did, Mr Matsuda. I miss him! Matsuda, I can hardly remember the things he said," Matt looked back at the flower, "he was very sad near the end, Sir. Very sad. He mostly taught us science." Matsuda was a little thrown by Matt's last sentence. It was a total change in topic and done almost in one breath.

Was Matt uncomfortable talking about his feelings? It was true that in the two days atsuda had known him, the boy never seemed unhappy or angry; maybe he repressed those natural parts of himself. Or maybe the child was still mourning for his departed tutor ad it was painful to speak of him. Just then Matsuda frowned at the wording of his own thoughts.

Mourning?

It wasn't like the old teacher had died… He decided there to find out more about this other tutor, but not from Matt. Clearly, it was a topic the boy could not clearly discuss at this time.

"Well, it is summer," he smiled at the boy, "there is lots of time for us to learn all about the wild things of nature. Bluebells are very pretty but are known scientifically as Hyacinthoides non-scripta." He laughed at Matt's facial expression. "Don't worry. You will learn and remember it, with enough practice. Anything I can learn, you can definitely learn! Shall I tell you the story of how Bluebells came to exist?"

Matt nodded eagerly, secretly happy to have a rest from lessons and enjoy a story instead. They both sat down, crossed legged and faced one another before matsuda began to tell an old Greek myth.

"Once upon a time," he began, "there was a beautiful man called Hyancinthus. He was Prince of a land far, far away from here. He was so beautiful that two ancient gods fell in love with him- Ah! Errm, I mean , they both wanted to be his best friend!" Matsuda mentally chastised himself before continuing. Matt did not react to what Matsuda said but continued staring at him. "Anyway… one o the gods was called Zephyrus and he was the god of the Western Winds. Though Zephyrus was very handsome and charming, he was also a violent god, often prone to fits of anger and jealousy. Zephyrus always wanted to force things to his will; so he would huff and puff and blow down trees and houses!" Matt's eyes widened slightly, but he remained attentive.

"Hyacinthus was a little afraid of Zephyrus because he was a bit of a bully. Then the other who loved Hyacinthus was Apollo, who was the sun god. He was made out of pure light. He was kind, intelligent and resourceful. Hyacinthus fell very in love with him, erm, as a friend…I mean...anyway...

One day, Apollo and Hyacinth were playing with a discus. Do you know what that is? Good. Well, as Apollo threw the discus, Hyacinthus went to catch it, but Zephyrus was hiding and watching. When he saw the fun they were having, he blew his wind in jealous anger. That wind knocked the discus into Hyacinthus, killing the poor Prince instantly. As Zephyrus ran away, Apollo held his Prince and wept.

Then Hades, the god of Death, rose out of the shadows to take the boy to Hades. However, Apollo would not let him. Instead he turned Hyacinthus into a flower. So Hades went away.

Apollo cried over the flowers turning each of them that mournful colour they are now. We call them 'Hyacinth' after the Prince and Bluebells are part of the Hyacinth family of flowers. And that's the end of our story."

There was a brief silence as Matsuda wondered if he should have told that story (what with all the paganism and homosexuality) and Matt seemed to ponder on it. After a while the younger spoke, "Maybe Apollo should of let Hyacinthus die," said Matt, "I mean properly…by letting the Death God take him."

"Why?" Matsuda looked at Matt surprised that the boy came to such a dark and serious opinion. Matt was gazing up at the house to the small battlements (which had been added for aesthetic purposes rather than actual battle.) Following his gaze Matsuda saw nothing. But the boy was staring avidly. It wasn't the look of gazing into space due to being deep in thought. Those green eyes were focused, but on what?

"Because," Matt continued, "maybe Hyacinthus did not want to be a flower. If you love someone you are supposed to give them what they want. Maybe it would have been kinder to let him die normally so he could have gone to heaven and been with his family, not stuck forever on earth with nowhere to go. Maybe that's why Bluebells look so sad and droopy, because they are trapped souls." Matt looked away from the house and for the first time Matsuda had known him, he looked mournful.

Was this to do with the death of his parents?

"L-lets go find some more flowers to name," said Matsuda, worried about the strange nature of the boy. In the time he had been here, he had not thought it possible for Matt to be sad, he was almost unnaturally good and cheerful. But just now even his language had rapidly altered, most of the time Matt spoke like the young child he was, where just now he sounded exceedingly adult like. Even his pitch had lowered into a more mature tone.

Matsuda looked back one last time at the house where Matt had been staring, while his said charge disappeared into a thicket. Matsuda gaped.

There was a man up there!

A man, with brown hair, but he could not make out any more distinct features. He tried to think. All the servants bar Watari were female, and Watari himself had grey hair. So who was that? Had one of the Maids let in a beau of some sort? And he was now wandering about the house?

Insufferable!

He was in charge, even of Watari, and yet here random people were being let in on his watch! What would Misa Misa think? She would think he was incompetent, that's what!

Chasing after Matt he insisted, despite the boys weak and confused protest, that they had to go back inside immediately.

Sending Matt to his room for the moment, Matsuda ran up the stairs onto the battlement. But no one was there. Confused, Matsuda stared for a moment, as if the man might pop out of the ground suddenly. "He must of seen me staring and ran away," he thought before running back downstairs.

Barging into the kitchens Matsuda faced all the servants who were gathered together doing various household chores.

"Did anyone see a man?" Asked Matsuda bluntly.

"What do you mean, Sir?"

"There was a man, on the roof tops. A man. With brown hair. Did any of you let a man in?"

The servants gaped stupidly, but the only sound was of one young maid dropping a tray in her hand. She looked about wide eyed, till running out of the room completely. The servants shrugged as Matsuda gave them a confused glance.

"Who is she?"

"Sayu, Sir."

"When she is…feeling better," he blushed he hated making anyone feel bad, girls in particular, "please tell her to come to the dinning room after dinner when Master Matt is in bed. Let her know she isn't in trouble. We just need a talk. If you see Mr Watari please tell him also. I would like him to be there."

"What?" Questioned one maid a smirk on her lips, "like a chaperone?"

Matsuda felt his face burning, he hated how easily he blushed. "Er, w-well, y-yes someth-thing like that. It'…it w-would be more pr-proper." Before he could humiliate himself further he marched out of the room.

He heard the unashamed laughter erupt from the kitchen. Oh well to them being a nice bunch! He slumped back to Matt's room. This is why he preferred children. There were no hidden persona's or nasty undertones to them. They really were the best people on Earth. "When children go bad," he thought, "God help us all."

On his way up, he noticed on the walls that there were a few photographs hidden behind the curtains that he had not spotted the say before. He smiled, wondering if the children had snuck them on there; their own additions to the haughty and intimidating portraits on the walls. Quite a few were of the boys, fishing together or running in the gardens.

Matt looked even smaller than he was now, and the other boy must be Mello. He was taller than Matt and fair haired. He had Matt's strong jaw and angular (but without being too sharp) features. "They are good looking boys," thought Matsuda a little self consciously. He knew he was not attractive. It was always something that had made him feel a little unsure of himself, especially around attractive people. Matt wasn't too bad, because like a lot of children, Matt wasn't aware that he was handsome. Looking at the upheld head of Mello in the photo's, Matsuda wasn't sure he could say them same of the older boy.

In any case, Matsuda suddenly felt sad that one day these boys would grow up. He would become self-conscious around them when they were adults. Matt was already so outgoing and confident. His brother looked the same. Being around men like that, Matsuda always felt a bit awed and stupid. He had so many stomach churning memories of the time he made himself look like such a fool in university. All of the boys there had been intelligent and from affluent families. He just could not compete. He had hoped that being of an easy and friendly disposition, that that would give him friends or at least a level of acceptance; instead it had done the opposite. They seemed to despise and deride him the more courteous he was.

If only Matt could be a little Lost Boy like in Peter Pan!

Forgetting about his memories (some things are better off dead and in the past) he began looking at a few more and saw that some of the pictures had adults in them. One had a man in the background, his figure was blurred but he wore a white shirt, dark slacks and had a mop of jet black hair that covered his face. Matsuda tensed, remembering the strange dream of last night- that long black hair he pulled from the shirt. The figure had been walking towards the two boys. The strides he was taking, the fisted hands, the lowered head- it all was very ominous.

In another picture, there was Mello staring up avidly at a handsome looking young man. Before he could get a closer look, he heard a scream. The scream of a child.

He ran into Matt's bedroom to see the boy standing completely erect staring at the wall. "What? What is it? What made you scream?" Matsuda cried out without giving the boy a chance to explain. He gripped the childs shoulders in alarm. Matts eyes were very round the whites showing all around the emerald irises. Slowly they settled and turned to Matsuda.

"When will Mello be back, Sir?"

"After the Summer term ends," replied Matsuda, confused once more. "In around three weeks. What made you scream?"

"Erm…a spider?"

"A spider?"

"Yes definitely a spider Sir." He offered with sudden confidence. "It was big and brown and scary. But its gone now. For now."

Dinner was a mostly silent affair. After the 'spider' scare, they had gone back outside and continued to name plants and learn the stories behind the name. Matsuda found children remembered the names better when they understood their meanings. All the better if their was a fun story or legend added to it. He had been impressed with Matt's memory, by the evening he remembered all the scientific names of the thirty-odd flowers they had studied. But then, maybe Matsuda had simply helped him recall what his old tutor had taught him.

Matt had returned to his usual charming exuberance outside which Matsuda could not help worrying about. The changes in behaviour and speech were too odd. It seemed that Matt was much sadder than he was letting on. Maybe he was not over his parents death? Misa-Misa, Matsuda had to admit despite his crush, seemed a little less than interested in their welfare. And he had not been told anything about the old tutor other than he wasn't good at his job. Scratching his neck nervously, Matsuda spoke to the tired boy.

"Matt, do you know all about Heaven?"

"Yes Sir. Its where good people go when they die."

"Your parents are there, watching over you and waiting for you to join them after you grow old and die yourself, you know that?"

"Yes Sir," He giggled. "I like how you speak!"

"You mean my accent?" Smiled Matsuda. "Its because I'm from America, so I don't speak like people from here. Did the servants tell you I would be foreign?"

"Watari did." He became glum again. "When is Mello coming back?"

Matsuda frowned. "I told you earlier, in about three weeks."

"Oh yes, I forgot! Silly me!" The child giggled.

It seemed strange that Matt had forgotten in such a short period of time, but he brushed it to one side. He really wanted to get Matt to open up about his parents. "Do you miss your parents?" He asked tentatively.

"No, I was too little when they died. I miss Lawliet, Sir."

"Who is Lawliet?""

"My old tutor."

"What was he like?"

"He had black hair." Matt swallowed some more food and yawned widely. "Can I go to bed please? I'm very tired."

Matsuda let him go, still feeling tense and confused. However, he did not like questioning children. He would talk to Watari. As if one cue, Watari entered the room with a wide eyed maid- Sayu. "Ah, Miss Sayu, please do not be scared!" Matsuda smiled benevolently and tried not to blush. She was really cute… "Who was that, on the battlement?"

She shot a quick and anxious look at Watari. Matsuda, unusually, understood the cue. "Watari leave us for a moment please?"The Butler seemed less than happy at this, giving a Sayu a steady glower, but he left the room nonetheless.

"Who was it Sayu?" Matsuda pushed, now that they were alone. "A boyfriend? A relative?"

"No, Sir." Gasped Sayu emotively at the mention of 'boyfriend.' "I hate the man you saw!"

"Then who was he?"

"Light Yagami, Sir. Only we mostly knew him under the alias of Kira." She whispered this last word, like it was sacrament. "He was evil, Sir. Pure evil. And he's back to get the children!"


	4. Kira

"Kira?" Repeated Matsuda uncertainly. " I was never told of anyone called Kira…unless…was he the old tutor? Was he expelled from his position? Matt said he was called Law…"

"No, Sir," interrupted the maid, "Kira was a friend of Mistress Amane. She bought him here."

"Why would Miss Amane bring a man of nefarious nature to her family home?"

"I don't think she really knew of his nature, Sir. I think he tricked her, like he did so many women. He was rogue."

"But then why would she bring a man to her home at all? It's very…well," he frowned further realising that he was blushing, again, "well… its improper!"

Miss Sayu stood quietly, evidently her fear had not released her tongue so much that she would say what she, and even Matsuda were thinking.

"Is Miss Amane really that sort of woman?" He thought desperately. His terrifying father had hated all Show Girls and Dancers, calling them prostitutes and whores that would burn in hell, whereas Matsuda had always thought Misa at least was quite wholesome and cheerful. In his mind he had defied his fathers teachings, but, had the old man been right all along? And if he had been right about Amane and the other Show Girls, what else had he been right about…?

Matsuda shook those thoughts away- the past did not matter. What did matter was that there was now a man on the grounds who could get into the house. And this man was, most likely, dangerous.

"He's after the children you say?"

"Yes Sir," continued Sayu. "Maybe because Mello will soon be home from the holidays." She pause and bit her lip. "Can I show you Sir…?"

Together, they left the room and went into the hallway that led onto the children's rooms. She went to the curtain and pushed it aside.

"I saw these earlier," began Matsuda.

She nodded and pointed to a handsome man he had not remembered seeing before due to the figure being obscured by the curtain. It seemed Matt's scream had pulled him away before he had gotten to look at those photographs more fully.

"This is him Sir, Mistress Amane introduced him to us as Light Yagami." The man in the picture was holding Mello around the waist. He was very good looking (the kind of man that Matsuda always wished he looked like; the sort of boy that Matsuda had to deal with in university, well dressed, well mannered men, all of whom looked at him like he was a worm.) However, this man had a pleasant feel to him. He smiled benevolently at Matsuda and Sayu. "Are you sure he was bad?" Matsuda could scarcely believe it, looking at such a beatific gentleman.

"Sir, Mistress Amane left to go on tour, leaving him in charge. He seduced all the girls of the local village, they hate him down there. No one speaks his name. Its like he was…he is a curse on their lives.

You notice there are hardly any servants?

Most of us were female, as you may expect, and Light Yagami abused his position as Caretaker and temporary Master of Applegate. He violated the prettiest and youngest girls. I don't think he even was that…attracted to them." She looked at Matsuda tearfully. "It was the power you see, he loved showing us how little consequence we were to anyone.

However, it all came to a head, some of the girls fell pregnant and others threatened to tell the police of the assaults. And then," she began to look terrified, and gulped audibly, "then the girls began to die, one after another…"

"He- he murdered them?"

"It is a difficult situation to explain. Some of the girls fell in love with him, Takada and Akino killed each other when fighting over him. They were found one morning in the kitchens, both covered in blood. They must have fought and stabbed each other to death. But it was so messy no one could really tell. They were both pregnant.

Then there was Kyoko, she never loved Light. She loved…well she was a bit enamoured with the tutor actually," she smiled vaguely as if recollecting fond memories, "we used to tease her so much about him…but then Light, no, Kira, got wind of her adoration. Next thing we knew, she had drowned herself in the bath.

In the following months Halle, Linda and Wendy all died of various accidents. They had threatened to go to the police about his behaviour.

Finally, one day, a woman called Naomi Misora, she was the bravest of us all. During the war she had worked with the police force. She was as brave and as diligent as any policemen, fireman or soldier I've ever known. She tried to prove that Kira was guilty. She said that the mistake of the last few girls was that they threatened Kira, whereas what we needed to do was band together, get proof of our story and then report him to the authorities. Most of us were too scared to do anything, so she investigated him alone. Whenever he was out with Mello, and he often was, especially at night," she noticed Matsuda's facial expression, " it was apparently so they could go out hunting and having masculine bonding time… " she continued blushing as badly as Matsuda and looking away , "well, that's when she would sneak into his room, to find any scrap of evidence of his crimes. She said criminals were vain creatures, and would always have some kind of trophy or record of their crimes, just for their own sadistic pleasure.

And, apparently she found something out.

I was in the pantry with the other women, when she burst in saying she knew Kira was causing all the deaths. She said she had found a notebook in his room, where all their deaths had been written down and planned.

And just as she was about to say more, she died."

"What just there and then?"

"Yes Sir! She had a heart attack and collapsed! She had had no record of a bad heart, or heart conditions in her family. The coroner said it was a fluke, that sometimes these things happened; that perfectly healthy, young people could just die at times, with no explanation. As always it was swept under the rug and we and our fears were ignored!" She grabbed onto Matsuda's shirt, "but behind her, when she fell, there stood Kira. And he was smirking at her, at us! Smirking!"

"Did Watari do nothing against this man?"

She shook her head, "but what could he do? We were all scared." She grabbed the photo of Mello and Kira from off the wall, pushing it into Matsuda's face.

The smile of the man no longer seemed sweet and innocent. It looked like an arrogant smirk, like a parody of good humour. Matsuda felt like Kira was laughing at him.

"He was around Mello all the time." Continued Sayu. "After the death of Naomi, the torture of the servant and village girls stopped being enough for him. He focused all his attention on Mello, Matt and…and Mr Lawliet.

Mello loved Kira, I'm sure of it. And Kira attached himself to Mello just to spite Mr Lawliet. The tutor was against the amount of time they were together, especially considering Kira's nefarious and lascivious behaviour." She shook her head, "it turned into a war between them. They fought over the children. Mr Lawliet had Matt, Kira had Mello. I think Mr Lawliet was afraid that the children would be tainted by Kira."

"I thought Mello was good," whispered Matsuda, his voice shrunken by shock and fear. "I was told he was a good boy…"

"He was a good boy in the sense that he was obedient Sir. His parents were gone. Miss Amane is never here. Kira gave him attention and…some form of affection. Kira was here just a fe months before the tutor and in that time I think a bond had already formed." Her voice took on a darker tone. "I fear that Mello was all too obedient and too willing to learn from Ki-"

"MISS SAYU YAGAMI!"

They both leapt at the sound of the clipped English accent.

Watari stood at the end of the hall, his face red with anger.

"Back to the kitchen!" He ordered the girl and she scurried away.

Slowly he came to Matsuda. "Please do not listen to her. She is a very unwell and distressed girl. I will tell you the truth, Mr Touta.

Light Yagami could not have come back, for the children or anyone.

Mr Yagami… has been dead for the last two years."


	5. Light Yagami is dead

Matsuda stared stupidly.

"He's dead?"

"Yes Sir. He was Miss Sayu Yagami's brother. It's true he was something of a rogue," Watari added doubtfully. "I'm sorry you had to hear about his exploits. But I assure you he was no danger to Matt or Mello; Miss Misa had every right to trust him as much as she did." He walked to Matsuda and wrapped an arm confidentially around his shoulder as they walked back to Matsuda's room. "Trust me, Light was simply a man about town. His death was tragic really. He's buried in the local church. It's true the locals are not fond of him, so his grave is placed near the edge."

They stopped outside Matsuda's door. "Why did she say her brother was here and after the boys then?"

Watari looked uncomfortable. "She's not quite right in the mind. We gave her the place out of sympathy. After the death of the father in the war, then Master Light acting so wildly, it destroyed both the mother and the daughter. Please do not make yourself uneasy Mr Touta."

Matsuda nodded uncertainly before entering his room.

Looking around, he scowled. He disliked this room but felt that he could not ask for another one for his reasons of dislike were, to his mind, stupid. He felt, even after all these weeks, that the room was not his. For some reason, the white shirt and its black strand of hair haunted the back of his mind. Its mysterious disappearance had also irked him to no end. He had considered that one of the maids must have entered his room early in the morning whilst he still slept (he blushed at the thought of a girl in his room) and taken the shirt. But when he plucked up the nerve to ask, all the maids had denied doing so.

Matsuda stared at the wardrobe as he undressed and got into his bed clothes. Its front doors were firmly shut. But Matsuda knew that in then night they would open just a crack; just enough for someone to peek through. But no one was in there.

It was so stupid!

He collapsed onto the bed frustrated.

He hated the fact that he was so stupid and child-like. Imagine, at his age, being frightened of the dark and the monster in the wardrobe!

Angry tears pricked at his eyes.

Only he would be dumb enough to fall for some scary ghost story a maid would tell him! A crazy maid at that! "She has to leave tomorrow." Matsuda thought glumly. "I'll make sure that she still receives money, we'll keep her on the pay check, so no one can say we're cruel; but having someone spreading stories like that is unhealthy. What if Matt hears? Plus, Mello will be here in a month, and we cannot have a hysterical maid talking of ghostly reincarnations of her brother. Besides" he began out loud, "I don't care what he says. There's something funny going on here. Or...at least something funny has happened."

He thought back to the pictures on the wall behind the curtain.

It was the one of Light, or Kira, with Mello and the old tutor, Mr Lawliet, storming towards them in the background that made him feel the most uneasy. There was something so sinister about the two adults. And that his little, innocent Matt and Mello had been left alone with them! It was shocking really!

What had Miss Misa been thinking? Matsuda was loathe to think badly of his mistress and crush, but how else was he to feel? The whole set up of leaving her beau and local village bad boy to run amok in her family home with her two young wards was deeply disturbing. And here he was, the fool, the jester, trying to fix a problem that no one would explain to him! He wasn't allowed to contact Misa for help, Watari was telling half truths (he was certain) and the only maid to talk to him was a nut!

Matsuda withheld a sniffle, now wasn't the time to cry like a girl! But what was he to do? There was some kind of prowler out there. And this Light character had exposed something to these children, whether bad manners towards women or otherwise...What was he to do? Talk to Matt? He was just a child and potentially traumatised! Besides, how did one approach such a subject?

At some point during his angst- ridden thought Matsuda began to fall into an uneasy daze. A couple of tears managed to fall free from his dark eyes.

He began to dream. He remembered weeping on his bed in this same manner as a young boy. His father had beaten him with a cane. Apparently God said 'use the rod' and Matsuda's father took the Lords word very seriously and very literally. As he wept, his mother, a small and timid creature which had been beaten down by her husband, then the war (and now the depression,) had snuck in, risking a whopping herself, and had stroked his hair, giving his head a little kiss now and then.

As the cane had left his arms and back red, swollen and burning, his mother's caresses were like a cool breeze and each kiss a dew drop.

Sniffling he moved his head ever so slightly into her hand, before snapping his eyes open and sitting up. He was an adult and on a bed in a foreign land. Heart thumping as if he had had a nightmare, he looked to the wardrobe.

The doors were open.


	6. Lawliet is Dead

Matsuda's heart raced.

There was a man in the wardrobe.

He lay slumped in its corner. He wore plain black slacks and a white shirt; the same white shirt Matsuda recognised from his first night. Most tellingly, wild black hair covered the man head, long bangs covering his eyes.

It was Mr Lawliet. But how had Lawliet gotten in to the bedroom, and why?

"Mr Lawliet?" He asked softly, slowly climbing out of bed. His legs felt shaky, he knew they were betraying the fear he felt. "Mr Lawliet? What are you doing here? Was it you who was on the battlements a few days ago?"

The man did not answer but continued to lay stock still. Matsuda fell on to his knees and began to crawl towards the man, partially so his face was on the same level, partially because of his cowardly legs. As Matsuda came closer, he could see the sharp features of Lawliet. His nose was pointed, he had high cheek bones and his lips were as thin and pale as the rest of his body. Hands than lay limply across his lap and the wardrobe bottom had freakishly long fingers. Looking back to the face, a red line of blood ruined the porcelain skin. Matsuda, forgetting his fear, rushed to the man.

"My God, what is wrong?" Grabbing the man's shoulders he shook the body, making Lawliets head roll back. His eyes were closed and deep set shadows lay underneath them. He threw up a mixture of blood and vomit. To his credit, Matsuda not only continued to hold him, but knelt down and looked more closely.

"Oh no, it's some sort of...of over dose!" Matsuda knew little about drugs but before setting off to the city, his grandmother had ranted away to him about what the loser bums and druggies looked like. And boy, this guy sure did fit the bill! Matsuda wasn't sure if it was marijuana, or heroin or what, but this guy needed help. "Don't worry," he comforted his unconscious and cold stowaway, "I'm gonna get you help, just hold on."

Running just outside his room, he wrung on several bells hat would lead down to where the servants were. He had never used them before (they were for the Masters and Mistresses of this place, where he felt like a glorified servant,) but this was an emergency. After pressing it desperately a number of times, he ran back to the man.

What did you do when someone was over-dosing?

Did you lie them back down?

"No, no," he thought, "I can't lay him back, there's sick in his mouth. Oh no he's so cold! Is he already dead? Should I check for a heart beat?"

But he did not. As little as he wanted to admit it to himself, he just could not bear the idea that here, in his room, someone was lying dead. It was too horrible t consider. Instead, he opted for his almost inexhaustible hope. Somehow this man had to be OK. He did not care why he was here or how he got in; he just needed this man to be alive and saveable. He heard several feet coming up the stairs loudly and sullenly. Running out of his room, Matsuda came to the edge of the banister of the long winding stairs. Several floors below a maid was idly approaching. "HURRY! He screamed, "and get Watari on the way! There's a sick man up here! Hurry!" The girl immediately began to run as he went back to his charge.

Slightly calmer now knowing that back up was on the way, Matsuda focused on the man. It was definitely Lawliet. Was he the prowler? Matsuda had been certain it had been a good looking brunette, but the sun had been in his eyes when he had looked at the battlements. But what was Lawliet doing here?

"Mr Touta, what is it?"

Masuda looked up to see Watari and an anxious maid peeking over his shoulder. "Isn't it obvious?" cried Matsuda with uncharacteristic but stress induced annoyance, "this man is..."

"What man?" Watari looked at him curiously. "Are you all right sir? Have you hurt yourself?"

"No, I," Matsuda turned to where Lawliet lay, to see his was cradling in his arms nothing but a white, long sleeve shirt. He paled. "I'm not insane," he said to Watari immediately. "I'm not! There was a man here! A man! Lawliet! The old teacher was here and he was ill!"

"M-Mr. Touta, I think it would be best for you to lie down...

"No!" Matsuda stood and held out the shirt, "whose is this? It isn't mine! Lawliet was here, in the wardrobe, he had been sick he was dying!"

Then the maid fainted.

"Why has she fainted?" Matsuda demanded, "Why? What's happening?"

"You have likely frightened her!" Watari barked, seemingly losing his patience. "There is no Lawliet! He could not have gotten in here!"

"How? And why?"

"Because Lawliet is dead also."

There was a pregnant pause before-

"WHAT?" Matsuda shook his head in disbelief. "This is too crazy. Way too crazy. He's dead as well? I just saw...I need to write to Miss Amane." He decided suddenly. "Watari, I'm sorry but this is too much."

"You can't write to Miss Amane," pressed Watari in a tone suggesting that Matsuda was some kind of temperamental child he was trying to sooth. "She does not want to be disturbed; you told me yourself that was her specific command."

"Yes but..." Matsuda slumped on the bed, quickly losing his mental resolve. He had promised Miss Amane. That was his job. What would she think of him if he not only disobeyed her but also told her fantastical tales of dead men in his wardrobe that weren't really there?

"Come with me, Matsuda." Said Watari kindly, using the personal first name. "Come with me and I will tell you what I can."

Even though it was eleven thirty at night, Matsuda and Watari left Applegate side by side, their path lit only by a single lantern Watari held. It seemed the man knew the way, though Matsuda could not help but worry over who might be hiding in the darkness. Something about Applegate spooked him; the hallucinations were disturbing enough, but there was something about the actual landscape and building itself, not evil exactly, but Matsuda felt as if something were...waiting. Like a spider sitting in its web, calmly and collectedly waiting for the fly to get caught.

Through a dark lane they passed into the graveyard of the local church. Matsuda looked up at its crumbling precipices, the moon, fat and full, leering down through the holy towers. In the distance an owl howled and a fox shrieked. He did not like being out at night. Once again, the fact that he was a stranger to this land pressed heavily upon him.

"Mr. Lawliet," began Watari, "was not from here. He was...Italian or Russian or something like that. No one can really remember. What we do remember is that he was very odd, he was not one of us."

"He was different, like me?"

"No, no Sir. You are one of us! We consider you to be an ally. It was just, there was always something very wrong about Lawliet, and then when Light arrived there seemed to be some sort of odd obsession between them."

Matsuda thought back to the story of Hyancinthus and Appollo- Lawliet and Light.

"Did the boys know of their...relationship?"

"Obsession Sir, not relationship. It was too twisted, full of mind games and perversions to be called a relationship. I'm certain the boys were fine. They were very young. But was a relief when Lawliet died."

"How did he die?" Matsuda pushed, completely unconvinced that the boys had not been heavily involved in said 'mind games and perversions.' His talk with Matt after the Hyacinthus story was proof enough of that. However, Watari was clearly going to continue to give half truths; whether it was due to typical British reticence, a desire to protect Miss Amane's and Applegate's good name or whether he was just something of a secretive man, Matsuda did not know nor at this stage care. What he did know was that things were very wrong in Applegate, and that meant bad things for his charges.

"He fell," the elderly gent replied after a brief but heavy pause.

"He fell?"  
"Down the stairs. He broke his neck."

They paused in front of a grave.

Light Yagami

Beloved son

Taken too soon

R.I.P

1916-1933

"And he died of a heart attack?" Matsuda continued. The whole thing seemed too unreal and unseemly. Even after looking at the gravestone, Matsuda just couldn't comprehend what he was being told. He definitely felt that he was being lied to on some level.

"He did, very unusual, Sir..."

"So Miss Sayu was correct in some of the things she said?"

"Well, yes Sir..."

Matsuda felt too stressed and tired to continue their search. But still... the matter needed to be clear and settled in his mind, lest he go completly mad. "Now Lawliets grave, Watari..."

Lawliets grave was even further out on the edges of the graveyard than Lights. His was covered in overgrown hedgerow. But, being foreign, Lawliet probably would have had no family in England. Matsuda could not help but morbidly think of his own grave. He too would be forgotten.

He shook his head- no time for negative thoughts!

L. Lawliet

Suicide

May God have Mercy on his Soul.

Unknown- 1933

Matsuda slowly looked at Watari.

"Fell down the stairs?" He repeated with more incredulity. Yep, he was definitely being lied to...

Watari, however, was unruffled. "He may have fallen or thrown himself..."

"Or," interrupted Matsuda, "did he take a load of pills before sitting in the wardrobe to die? What did Kira do to him? Did he break his heart, like he did to all those girls? Is that why Matt is so sad? What did those boys see happen in this house?"

As Watari merely looked at him as if he were a man going insane, Matsuda shook his head before asking to go home. An embarrassed and angry flush was spread across his face. He knew he wasn't losing his mind. He needed to find out what was happening and if his boys were in danger from a horrible past manifesting itself either in ghostly form, or in psychological trauma.

"That's it." He decided on the silent walk back to Applegate. "I'm taking control from tomorrow. If the servants won't help then fine, I'll do my own investigation and protect Matt my way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are wondering why Matsuda doesn't have a clue about drug abuse, it's because, according to my research, during the Depression in America drug use became wide spread. However, little was known about it; Marijuana and heroin would be one in the same to a normal American boy.


	7. Ghost

The following morning, Matsuda, Matt and Watari sat outside on the lawn gently tanning in the golden streams of sunlight, the two elder men watching Matt play with his imaginary comrades.

"Mr. Watari?" Matsuda asked at length, regretting that he would soon be sullying the atmosphere with his request.

"Yes, Mr. Touta?"

"Please keep calling me Matsuda. Watari, I would like Sayu Yagami removed from her station and this house."

Watari looked a little surprised, which automatically made Matsuda feel bad. He cleared his throat ready to defend his decision. "I do not think it's a good idea for someone to be saying such wild stories. Matt might over hear. He's very sensitive about the loss of Mr. Lawliet and regardless of what you or the staff thought of the man, he was greatly loved by Matt." Matsuda tried to ignore the blush on his face. He hated having to put his foot down. In fact, he had never really done it before. However, his duty to protect his charge overcame his innate fears and inferiority complex.

"I understand, Matsuda." Was the stiff reply.

"Thank you."

"No Kira, this way..." exclaimed the childish voice of Matt in the background, causing Matsuda to turn quickly to the boy.

Matt had next to no toys; preferring games such as 'Hide and seek' and 'Granny's footsteps,' games that involved him, rather than having inanimate objects play out scenarios. However that morning, much to Matt's dismay, Matsuda had been reluctant to play anything with him; the terrors of the previous night had left the young American feeling worn out and anxious. Matt, seemingly unaware of his mentor's discomfort, had been reduced to playing with a few fallen apples and some flowers, making them walk and talk as if they were little people.

As Matsuda watched, not noticing a deeply worried looking Watari behind him, he observed Matt holding a crows feather and a large dandelion. Matsuda watched the game intently.

"It's this way." The feather was evidently saying to the dandelion, Matt putting on a inflectionless voice for it.

"You can't trick me," said the dandelion in a far more snide and slightly dramatic manner. "You want to me to follow you up there, and then fall to my death. I rule death, nay, I am Death!"

"No you're not." Argued the feather pragmatically, Matt lowering his voice once more for its role, "you're just a silly boy whoring yourself to the entire..."

It was at that point that Matsuda scooped up the boy into his arms staring into his face.

"Where did you hear words like that?" Matsuda nearly yelled, Matt cowering in his arms. "Tell me! Matt, you must never, ever say words like that! Did someone say those things in front of you? Tell me!" Matt shook his head quickly, bewildered at his mentor's sudden change in temperament.

"Put the boy down!" called Watari in alarm, "can't you see your frightening him?"

Matsuda looked down at Matt, the boys beautiful eyes were becoming marred by tears. He drew the small child into a tight embrace. "Oh Matt, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." he muttered, kissing the crown of Matt's head. "Who is Kira, Matt?"

Matt held up the bright, flamboyant flower as his silent answer, his eyes so wide that the irises were surrounded by white.

Matsuda looked at the dandelion before analysing Matt once more. Something...something was wrong with Matt. Matsuda could read it in the child's eyes and body language. Like the rest of the house there seemed to be some kind of secret in Matt; it seemed as if Matt was hiding something and was too afraid (his tutor could only assume) to tell anyone. There must have been some kind of trauma obviously involving his previous tutor and the wild Light Yagami. Maybe Matt had not understood everything that had happened, but the fact that he was playing out such scenes was proof that they had affected him. He would question the boy no more. At least, not for now.

"I want Sayu removed." He repeated to Watari, his eyes still on his charge. "And I want a meeting with the servants this evening after dinner." He forced a tight smile to Matt, "let's go play together, ok?"

"Ok!" Matt ran off towards the lake- doubtless he would want to ride on the little row boat there. Before he departed, Matsuda gave one last meaningful look at Watari.

Watari, however, kept his face perfectly void of emotion.

That evening, whilst Matsuda tucked up a sleepy Matt into bed, Watari had aligned the servants at the bottom of the twisted staircase. His charge safely removed, Matsuda looked down at them; they seemed bored and annoyed. No wonder, they probably resented being made to stay in work a little longer than normal. Besides, Matsuda was quite aware that they did not respect him or see him as a real authority figure. And really, he did not feel like he was either. When applying for this job, he thought his role was merely supposed to be the teacher and carer of two young boys. But instead he was being made to take the role of master. He had been failing in this role so far; his innate timidity and overly friendly nature had made him act stupidly; but now things had changed. People were lying to him and Matt was suffering. This situation needed sorting before the elder brother arrived on the scene. One thing Matsuda did have confidence in was his ability to do his job as child carer and tutor, and that was what he was going to do.

"There have been prowlers on the grounds. I want everyone to be on guard. Do not let anyone who is not a worker here come in. It is my job to watch out for young Matt, and when he arrives, young master Mello. Therefore if I find that anyone has broken this rule, they will be instantly removed." He took in a deep breath; the staff were either avoiding his eyes, or glaring defiantly, as if they were offended at his insinuation that they had let people in.

However, their offense meant nothing, someone had let strangers in.

It wasn't like he was simply seeing things.

"Also I want no more rumours or gossip flying around of the former tutor or of the deceased Mr. Yagami, it is bad for the children." He looked at Watari, "I want it reported to me if any of these rules are broken. You are all dismissed." The staff left, each looking very angry (which secretly worried Matsuda) but Watari approached him while holding up an envelope, "I believe it is from Miss Amane." He announced stiffly, apparently he was not happy with Matsuda's speech either; their comradeship was dying.

Matsuda's heart leapt into his throat, making him snatch the envelop from Watari in order to cradle it to his chest. "Did you open it?"

"No, Sir," replied Watari, in a dead pan that did not cover his annoyance.

"I'm sorry," Matsuda lowered his shoulders, his guilt over-riding his anxiety, "I'm just a little stressed out, I'm sure you understand."

"Yes Sir," Watari intoned before leaving. Matsuda wanted to stop the man, or at least to tell out that he could call him 'Matsuda,' but he refrained. The British had a different way of doing things and maybe...maybe Matsuda had been too friendly in the first place. Maybe that was the reason the staff were telling wild ghost stories and allowing prowlers onto the grounds. A few days ago, Matsuda would have never believed that of Watari, but now he was certain the butler was lying to him also, at least about the guilt of Mr. Yagami.

Slowly climbing the stairs he wondered if he was becoming paranoid. "After all," he thought out loud, "I'm all alone in the country. No friends, no family." He stopped in the hallway and looked at the photos of the boys, Light and Lawliet. He focused on Lawliet. "You were alone too. You were alone and something terrible happened. Something that made you..." Something made Matsuda looked to his right; there, young Matt stood in his nightgown.

"You should be in bed little man," he offered a shallow smile briefly; Matt looked...unlike himself. He was bent forward, as if he was slightly hunch backed. His arms were bent, his hands resting flatly (and oddly) at the top of his thighs. His hair was ruffled from night-time sleeping. But the worst part was his eyes; typically Matt avoided eye contact, which Matsuda always put down to shyness, but at this point of time those green eyes bored into his own brown one, there was no mischievous sparkle, no inquisitive questioning. They were dead; Matt's eyes were dead. Matsuda felt his throat go very dry. Slowly the boys head tipped to the side, his feather light hair brushing the one shoulder. He bought his thumb to his lip, and Matsuda wondered if he was about to suck his thumb...

"Wha-what is wrong? Have you had a nightmare, Mattie?"

"I wonder if Mr. Touta knows about Mr. Yagami," muttered Matt, ignoring Matsuda's question. Matsuda wondered if Matt was speaking to himself. But he could not have been- the boy was looking right at him.

"You can call me Matsuda, Matt, now go to sleep."

"He was a bad man." He continued, still ignoring Matsuda's orders. "Mello will be home soon. I question Mr. Touta's ability to keep everyone safe. I see you have a letter from Miss Amane, I would not put much faith in her."

"Matt does not talk of your aunt in that way. No please go to bed."

Matsuda was beginning to shiver, his fingertips, toes and ears were all becoming very cold. Looking to the window he saw ice on the glass. This was ridiculous; it was the middle of summer! He knew Britain had temperamental weather, but still! Reaching out, he realised that the ice was on the inside the glass. What?

"Mr. Touta," Matt's voice was low and slow, almost condescending. "Pay attention Mr. Touta. Kira is coming..." Matsuda looked at the boy and nearly screamed. Matt's eyes were wide and had turned black, in the darkness of the evening, his white nightshirt stood out, it almost looked like it was glowing. "Kira is calling Mello. He wants the notebook. The notebook and Mello." Turning his head upright, Matt rubbed his thumb across his lower lip while continuing to speak. "But Mr. Touta is easily seduced...I do not have much hope."

Unable to take it anymore, Matsuda ran to Matt and grabbed his shoulders, not noticing that he had nearly slipped on an icy floor. "What are you on about? I don't understand! What's wrong Matt?" as he shook the boy desperately, the black eyes began to dissipate and were replaced by the beautiful green orbs that belonged to Matt alone. The child looked about confused and dazed, "what's going on?" he questioned, sleepiness slurring his words, "Why is it so cold?"

Matsuda pulled him into a hug, the icy air already beginning to fade away.

"It's alright Matt," Matsuda comforted the unfrightened little boy, who was yawning heavily. "Stay in my room tonight ok?"

"Ok." Matt grinned, ever since Matsuda had arrived and taught him what 'ok' meant, Matt used every opportunity to say it.

Matsuda looked over at the pictures. In the single one that contained Lawliet, he swore the figure had drawn a little bit closer to the foreground. Matsuda scooped up the boy and ran to his bedroom.

Matt laughed and, unbeknown to the terrified Matsuda, he waved at something or someone still remaining in the dark hallway.


	8. Mello

As soon as the morning light began to break through his heavy-set scarlet curtains, Matsuda got up. He had not slept all night; instead every bump, groan, squeak and bang kept him alert and stressed. Little Matt had slept peacefully all night by his side. Matsuda smiled wearily at the crimson head peeking out from under the duvet. As each noise echoed through the night, Matsuda had tried to find explanations for each one; after all, the house was old, so of course there were noises at night. But what could explain Matt's behaviour last night? He was, in all but body, a completely different person, and even his small, thin frame, seemed to be twisting and contorting itself to fit another type of physique; one taller but more hunched.

Painfully pulling himself out of bed, he limped over and sat down at his large oak desk. He had been tossing and turning last night, but he hadn't realised he had done so to the point where he was now sore. However, one of the things Matsuda didn't know was that the stress and fear he had experienced the night before had frazzled his nerves; it was no wonder he was hurting. Matsuda's desk was very tidy, mainly because he had little work to do; Matt still wasn't having real lessons (it was the summer holidays) and Matsuda had yet to receive any letters from his family ('well, they are a busy lot...') instead, in the middle of it the clean space lay the letter Watari had handed him the previous evening. It was from Misa.

Remembering her pretty blonde locks and large blue eyes temporarily made Matsuda blush; then more recent events complete with their accusations and suspicions, forced themselves back to the forefront of his minds, quickly replacing his adolescent-like blush with a sickly white.

Cutting open the letter, his heart still dropped a little at the concise and dismissive note;

Matsuda, the head master of Mello's school has written to me. It's a terrible bore, and I hardly have the time, what with cheering our troops and raising our nation's spirits, so I've forwarded to you. Remember the rules of your post; you are in charge of their welfare, I do not wish to be informed with the usual trifles and what not.

See you soon, cutey-pie (oh, I can't believe I wrote that!)

Kisses!

Misa

He felt his blush and cursed himself for being so easily manipulated by pretty women. Taking out the next letter, Matsuda feelings, once again, made a massive U-turn.

Dear Miss Amane,

I am afraid that we will be sending Master Mello Michael Kheel home early and we will not accept him back at Whammy's for the new term. Please accept him at Winchester station on the 14th of this month at eleven-thirty.

My deepest regrets,

R. Ruvie,

Whammy Boys Boarding School Headmaster

Mello was being expelled? But hadn't Watari been singing the boys praises since Matsuda had first arrived; all he had heard about Mello was that he was deeply loved, charismatic, well behaved and it was implied that he was fought for between Mr. Lawliet and Mr. Yagami?

He read the page over and over again, as if he had missed something vital in the short, ambiguous letter. What had Mello done? To be expelled, of all the things! The shame of it! Matsuda knew enough to know that Whammys was a highly respected school. It would be expected for someone of Mello's heritage to be educated at the best institutes. With this expulsion, it would be very difficult to get him into a new school of equal repute, especially as the letter had not mentioned or even implied what Mello had done wrong!

Was he violent, rude, slanderous, lazy, a liar?

Matsuda slumped back down on his bed, not noticing that Matt had awoken. Matsuda's head was filled with his father evangelical rantings of what happened to naughty boys; of all the sins children committed and that terrible things that awaited them lest they admit their crime and seek solace and forgiveness in the LORD.

He was frightened that he would not get Mello into a new, decent school that it would look badly on him when Misa Amane did finally come to inspect his work with the boys. Imagine! Misa Amane arrives the find the oldest boy, expelled from his one school, now residing in a public, low grade school in the local village! The shame of it...

He was scared that Mello, rather than being another delightful addition to Matt, would be some sort of terrible demonic, wild child. Had Mr. Yagami's influence worked on this boy? Was Mello also a philanderer? Matsuda recalled the time he had looked wistfully at the photos of the boys, noting how good looking they were, that these good looks would, most likely, eventually lead to them being vain and arrogant. Had this already happened to Mello? And above all else, despite his insistence that he was only a moderate Christian his father's brutal, dogmatic approach instilled in his bones a fear of God. What would become, he could not help but wonder, of Mello's soul unless Matsuda's put him back on the path of righteousness?

Two small arms wrapped themselves around his waist; he turned to see a small smiling face. Matt.

Matsuda ruffled his hair fondly, his fear of last night gone thanks to the present sun and Matt's warm, emotive eyes.

"Is Mello coming home soon?"

"Yes. Very. Today in fact."

The boy's eyes became wide with exultation, "yes! I knew he was coming home!"

"How did you know?"

Matt smiled, but said nothing more. Matsuda never bothered challenging the boys silence; he already knew the boy saw more than he let on.

Matsuda had never been more grateful to Matt's joyous, and overpowering, chatter that day. Things with Watari were decidedly awkward. One thing that irritated Matsuda was the consistent politeness the various servants had; it seemed to emphasis the fact that they were lying to him on some level; they didn't like him, and he no longer liked or trusted them, so could not they at least be honest about that? Instead polite conversation was forced all morning, made bearable only by Matt's oblivious happy conversation. Matsuda would have questioning Watari's dedication to Mello, and his insistence that Mello was a well-behaved child; but as Watari was clearly a man who avoided telling Matsuda truths if they were somehow unpleasant, he had no faith that the man would reveal any of Mello's bad behaviour.

When they finally scrambled into the back of the car, matsuda breathed a sigh of relief and grinned at matt, who was telling another adventure that he and his brother had had last summer. Matsuda loved children, they were the best people in the world... this thought immediately bought back his fears of Mello and deviant behaviour. He gulped and looked out the window, ceasing to pay attention to matt's prattling. Judging by matt's descriptions, Mello was nothing more than a fun, adventurous young man, maybe he was expelled for being too boisterous? It seemed harsh for a boy to be expelled for that, but maybe his school was very strict? It was another stifling hot day with no breeze. The fields all around them grew corn, and in the midday sun, actually looked like fields of gold.

"Look outside Matt; it looks like Midas has been here!"

Matt looked nonplussed for a moment before, "oh I understand! King Midas! He turned things into gold!"

"That's right, Matt, well done. We'll learn a lot more about classical literature when September starts."

"I can't wait!"

"Maybe Mello can learn with us."

"But won't Mello be back in school by then?" Matt had turned very pale. "He's too old to be home taught."

"Well..." Matsuda cleared his throat and plastered a nervous smile on his face. "Well sometimes things change. We'll talk to aunty Misa and Watari about it, ok?"

Matt allowed a small nod, but did not speak for the rest of the journey, even when prompted by his newly-worried tutor. Considering Matt obviously loved his brother very much, Matsuda couldn't understand why he would be unhappy with the thought of Mello living at Applegate. Indeed, if Matsuda could not get him into a new school of equal prestige t Whammy's, and this was likely, he would have no choice but to teach Mello from home, at least until Miss Misa made suitable arrangements.

In the silence, Matsuda began to recall the strange events of the previous night. Matt was a perfect little boy; in all the months he had been at Applegate, he had not needed to yell at Matt even once. "In fact," Matsuda thought whilst frowning suspiciously, "Matt is almost unnaturally well behaved. Last night's behaviour wasn't bad...it was very unusual." He gulped and looked at Matt who was staring out the window looking slightly grumpy. Slightly grumpy was the worst offence Matt ever committed, and even then it was over quickly, not like today. Last night, after Matsuda had shaken him, Matt had not remembered anything. It was as if he had been possessed. Then, with all the ice on the inside of the window, and the cold that seemed to emanate out of Matt...was possession a possible explanation?

Matsuda shook his head, goose pimples affecting his arms despite the scorching heat. Matsuda believed in some supernatural things, he was raised a Christian and believed in heaven and hell...but ghosts, ghosts seemed a little too farfetched. To Matsuda, when people died their souls left this world, were judged and sent to one of two places. His brand of Christianity did not teach purgatory. Granted, many odd things had happened at Applegate; the figure on the battlements, the person he had definitely seen in his wardrobe, both people that were, apparently, dead...but ghosts?

No. There was no obvious link between the things Matsuda thought he saw, and Matt's behaviour. Maybe Matsuda was too stressed and suffering some delusions and maybe Matt had some sort of...alternative personality. Even that was more likely than ghosts.

The train station was very small and local. In the midday sun, it was essentially deserted; no one wanted to come out in such stifling weather. Matsuda double checked that the decidedly fair and Celtic-looking red head had on a rather large straw hat (matt had complained incessantly on wearing it, feeling it made him look silly, and he was unhappy for Mello to see him that way) and ion the shade of the station building.

"Where are the other parents?"

Matsuda looked down on matt. "You are a very observant young man," he replied, deciding that that was enough information; he didn't want matt knowing his brother had been expelled. In fact, he was still uncertain of how to deal with it. Because the headmaster had revealed nothing, if he asked Mello, Mello could lie and say he had done something that was not that bad. Also, Matsuda did not want to subject the boy to harsh questioning as soon as he arrived home, but would not ignoring the situation be condoning whatever bad action he had committed? Luckily, Matt did not push for more information, and remained still until the train began to pull into the station. Then he leapt up from his seat and began to jump excitedly, making Matsuda laugh. The steam from the train momentarily engulfed the station, making the atmosphere seem vague and mysterious. Matsuda searched (somewhat frantically) until he noticed between the hustle and bustle of exiting passengers, one still person.

A boy, with long (too long for a boy) blond hair and startling blue eyes was staring fixedly at Matsuda. He was so still that he seemed frozen to the spot, his eyes unblinking. No one walked into him or brushed by him, making him move. It was as if he were completely removed from the world around him. It was just him and the tutor . Sound and colour drained away. Matsuda's focus seemed forced solely onto this one person. This child that had eyes of an adult. Matsuda felt afraid, not like last night, but more like intimidated, as if he were in the presence of someone far more intelligent and handsome and worldly.

"Mello!"

As Matt ran up to the boy, his hat falling to the ground, and his red hair meeting the Matsuda's peripheral vision, the spell was broken. The sounds of chattering people, the train pulling away and the commands of the station manager became full volume. The boy, Mello, suddenly grinned, looking like a normal young boy, happy as his little brother ran into his arms. Mello and Matt had similar faces and both were strikingly handsome, but that was all. Their colouring was very different.

Matsuda calmed himself and plastered on a big smile. He was just panicking because of the strange event of last night. Mello certainly looked like a delightful young man. As Matt looked back at him and smiled, so did the elder brother, his smiling sapphire eyes barely concealing their natural sharp flint.


	9. Apples

The entire ride home the boys giggled and whispered together. On one level Matsuda found the brotherly bond charming, another side of him was (he was ashamed to admit) quite jealous at his exclusion of this.

Initially he tried to engage in conversation with them, but it was clear they wanted to speak quietly to one another, so he eventually gave up. It was kind of pathetic that he felt jealous, but in all fairness, Matt had been the only person Matsuda could be himself with; Matsuda was at a loss with all the adults and had trouble understanding their culture and mannerisms; he often felt like an outsider. Besides all Summer had consisted of Matsuda and Matt playing and learning together. Matt had a lot of respect for Matsuda, so it felt strange, having this other boy now usurp Matsuda's place as the impressive, older male.

During these ruminations, he noticed that whispering became even more hushed. Turning his head slightly so that the boys were in his peripheral vision, Matsuda noticed Mello handing something to Matt, who promptly hid it in his shirt.

Matsuda turned to them quickly, "what was that?" he demanded.

Both boys smiled sweetly, "what was what?"

"Don't be cute Matt!" Matsuda was appalled, though he knew Matt evaded the truth a lot, this was a blatant deception- and... it hurt. "I saw Mello hand something to you and you hid it in your shirt!"

Mello chuckled good-naturedly, and relaxed into the car seat, leaning back and putting his hands behind his head. "Calm down Mr. Touta! Can I call you Matsuda, like Matt does?" Matsuda opened his mouth to reply but Mello continued speaking. "It isn't an issue. I just gave him a gift. He is my little brother and I haven't seen him in months, ok? That's what your people say isn't it? O.K?" Mello laughed again, in contrast to the slightly aggressive edge his tone had but moments ago. "What does it stand for? Ok? What does it mean?"

"I don't know," Matsuda felt a little confused by Mello's onslaught. "But I-erm..."

"And?" The adolescent interrupted.

"Excuse me?" Matsuda replied with as much indignance as he could muster. "'And' what?"

"And can I call you Matsuda?"

"Yes, you can, and do not take that exasperated tone with me. I'm not a schoolmaster but I still warrant respect." Matsuda huffed feeling put-out, but he wanted to develop less animosity and more peace between them, so decided to compromise. "Alright, I understand you have not seen Matt in a long time, and..."

"Gosh, look at how golden the fields are!" Mello cried with enthusiasm, his eyes widening as he turned to look out the window.

"Matsuda says that Midas has been walking in them!" Matt chirped.

"You know about Greek myth Matt?" Mello looked back at Matsuda, scrutiny giving way to awe, "well, Matsuda, impressive, teaching someone so young the Classics! Thanks to you my little brother will be horribly clever when he enrols in school!"

"Th-th-thank you." Matsuda found himself blushing under the praise, "but please stop changing-"

"Do you have a stammer Matsuda? Gosh, it's fun getting to call an adult by their first name, helps me feel like a gentleman, if you know what I mean. And you calling me by my nickname instead of my family name..."

"Nick name?"

"Yes, nick name." Mello blinked at Matsuda a few times, before actually pointing and laughing, making Matsuda recall horrible childhood memories of bullying, "did you think I was called Mello? Who in England would name their child something like that?"

"Maybe Aunty Misa never told him," Matt replied quietly. Matsuda was simultaneously grateful for the defence and ashamed by his feelings of anger towards Matt for not standing up to Mello with more confidence.

"I like your hair Matsuda." Mello changed topic again, it was making Matsuda's head spin a little. "Erm thank you," Matsuda suddenly became suspicious. Why would Mello like his hair? It was distinctly ordinary; straight and black. He fingered it nervously, realising suddenly that it had grown quite long, long enough for it to begin kinking at the ends, giving it a slightly wild look. He hadn't noticed before. Looking over to Matt he saw the boy's hair was in similar condition. Had he really let them go that much? Were they a laughing stock? Was that why the servants disliked him, because he looked like a ragamuffin and was allowing Matt to look the same way? Was Mello therefore being sarcastic? Of course he was!

Looking back at the boys he saw they were now engaged in a fast-paced discussion about automobiles. Matsuda was determined to take back control,

"What do you like about my hair?"

Both boys looked at him with blank expressions.

"...I beg your pardon?" queried Mello eventually.

Matsuda fought a blush he felt creeping onto his face. "You said a moment ago that you liked my hair. Why? It's perfectly ordinary I know! and, granted a bit long, but only because Matt and I have been in the fields a lot. By the time Matt begins school it will be cut short." He said all of this loud enough for the driver to hear; then she could go tell the rest of the staff once they got home.

"Well, alright." Mello finally replied, his face still blank as he considered Matsuda. It seemed condescending, but Matsuda was uncertain of what to say.

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence, and Matusda felt as if he had forgotten something... Oh that's right...the reason why was Mello excluded!

Just as he opened his mouth, Mello finally spoke. "I do like your hair though Matsuda."

"Erm...well never mind that now..."

"No I really do!" Mello looked at him earnestly, sincerity blazing out of azalea eyes. "Don't cut your hair. In fact, let it grow a bit longer. "

"Stop teasing me now-"

"You would look more like Lawliet that way." Mello didn't face Matsuda as he said this; in fact, a face that had once been so full of emotion was now curiously blank. The boy looked straight ahead.

Matsuda cast a nervous glance to Matt. The young boy was looking at his brother mournfully. Slowly he bought his thumb to his mouth and began prodding at his lip.

Matsuda shuddered. The temperature dropped suddenly as the car was cast under the shadow of Applegate.

"Home sweet home," muttered the blond, straightening his back and crossing his legs.

"You must be happy," replied Matsuda thinking that Mello, being an orphan, must have felt very displaced without his younger sibling and family home.

"Of course," Mello turned and smiled. Matsuda recoiled slightly. The smile was more like a smirk, as if Mello was keeping all kinds of secrets. Even worse, it did not seem like it was supposed to be on Mello's face...

The boy reached out to Matsuda's face, making the man instinctively flinch back.

('There's something wrong here...')

Mello chuckled in a voice too baritone for his own, "don't be scared," he chided, before reaching forward once more and stroking Matsuda's hair and down the side of his face."You should definitely let your hair get a little wilder...you aren't as striking but you do have his boyish charm."

"Me-Mello what are you-?"

Suddenly, Mello blinked, uncrossed his legs and resumed his slouching position. "Sorry!" He grinned. "I'm just really glad we have another really kind tutor. I'm so excited Mr Touta!"

As he stammered thanks and attempted to get his thoughts back, the brothers got out the car, seemingly completely content and happy, talking together as they entered the house to be greeted by Watari.

Matsuda went to look at the driver, but she had already left the car and was marching to the house also. "Is she just going to leave the car on the drive?" He thought vaguely, his mind still a little stunned. Matsuda actually felt a little drained. He had never known Matt to be so talkative, though it was Mello who completely held control over the conversation and the topics that came up. Alone outside, he looked up at Applegate. He had always thought it was a rather jolly looking place, but it seemed somewhat sinister to him now. The house also looked...smug.

Matsuda shook his head, "I'm just being paranoid and stupid," he chastised himself, but all the while, a larger part of him was beginning to believe his fears.

It was then that Matsuda suddenly realised, he never found out what hidden gift Mello had given Matt or why Mello had been expelled.

Matsuda decided to leave the boys alone for most of afternoon; they could meet up again for dinner, and then maybe do something in the evening. He wanted to allow the brothers time to bond; it was clear in the journey home that they had a lot to catch up on, and he didn't want to interrupt that again. He was standing in the hallway, the one where the pictures of the brothers and the two dead adults were hidden behind the curtain. Matsuda found himself in this place more and more often, staring out the window into the beautiful countryside. He was too high in status to sit with the servants (besides, there was some sort of animosity between them which must have worsened after he demanded Sayu's departure), he no longer felt very confident in his friendship with Watari and now he no longer had Matt.

There were so many unforeseen problems. Matsuda was moderately used to difficult or over-bearing children; so Matt suffering some sort of Post-traumatic stress and delusions were not too much of a problem, and Mello being somewhat manipulative or controlling weren't either. However, this was the first time Matsuda was completely alone in trying to deal with these issues.

Also, it was possible, quite possible that if Sayu was telling the truth, that these boys were both being manipulated by supernatural forces. Matsuda hated thinking this way; his entire childhood had been full of terrors of Hell and demons, of purgatory and malicious ghosts. He had grown older and whilst his faith in God had remained intact, it had grown less fanatical, more relaxed and in keeping with the real world; with science and rationalisations and logical reasoning. The fear of possession was surely a regression into the realm of religious madness.

However, the evidence was adding up; the boys had both acted completely out of character at specific points. Whilst he did not know Mello that well, the change in the car had been significant. Yet, had it not been for Matt's shocking change but the night before, would Matsuda have really noticed that change?

"Think Matsuda, think!" He muttered, leaning his forehead on the cool glass. "You were already on edge from Miss Sayu's ghost story. Then Matt frightened you. You didn't sleep all night. You're scared of the wardrobe because of that...hallucination. That hallucination also happened late at night, when I was feeling frightened and angry. So maybe...maybe it's just stress. Maybe I'm so stressed out and so tired, that I'm starting to see things that aren't there." He lifted his head and looked outside, without paying much attention at the scenery itself, so lost was he in his own thoughts."This job is hard. I'm allowed to feel stressed. I am in a foreign land and I have no friends; none of the adults seem to like me much. In fact, when was the last time I actually slept? Properly slept?"

To the left of Matsuda was a winding staircase, the one that led up to the Battlement were he thought he saw a man standing. Unbeknownst to the tutor, an apple slowly thudded down the stairs, ending its journey at the foot of them. As it stilled, another one began to bounce down...

"And Miss Misa," he continued muttering to himself, "has put me in a difficult position, as I am not allowed to contact her at all on their welfare. Yet she could show up at any point, and will want everything in order. But nothing is in order, through no fault of my own, Mello is not at school and something is wrong with Matt...Alright, I should focus on real problems. Why was Mello expelled? He hasn't mentioned a thing of it so far...but he wouldn't. I mean, he wanted to focus on his brother as soon as he arrived, which is perfectly normal, they are the only real family they have left. Miss Misa is never around and so they cannot be close. And he must be frightened of getting in trouble, though he must realise that I know. Maybe he is waiting for me to broach the subject?"

At this point, four apples bounced down the stairs. But Matsuda still was lost in his ruminations. "Hmm, maybe I should give him a chance, relax a little and let him come to me in his own time. He's only a boy and he has had a hard time. Both he and Matt must have loved their old tutor, and if Miss Sayu is correct, then Mello was close to Mr Yagami, who also died." Slowly, Matsuda's heart sank, "it must have been so hard for them! Almost everyone they love has died; their parents, and then Lawliet and Mr. Yagami. I wonder if they feel like all this death is somehow their fault; often children feel guilty about things that aren't their fault. Yeah, I should definitely relax and let Mello come to me in his own time."

Something small bumped into his foot, halting his musing. Looking down, Matsuda picked up a ripe, red apple. "Why is this...?" But before the question completed itself in his mind, he looked over to the foot of the winding stairs. A large pile of bright red apples sat there.

Matsuda stared stupidly, "how did apples get in?" He thought. "This is the top of the building." Looking outside he saw the grounds below. How did-how did the apples get up this high? None of it made any sense.

A moment later a soft rumbling sounded out. Cautiously, Matsuda stepped closer to the winding stairs; the sound was coming from the battlements... The floor shuddered a little from whatever force was causig the rumbling. "Am I dreaming?" Thought Matsuda. "But this all seems very real."

Before he reached the staircase, a plethora of bright red apples suddenly cascaded down the stairs, bursting onto the hallway and slamming into Matsuda. "What-?" He yelled aloud, his arms covering his face protectively. "What is happening? Ahh!" He bent his knees slightly and turned away, his body automatically trying to shield his face and chest.

As the noise finally ended and the apples stopped hitting into him, Matsuda slowly lowered his arms and looked about the area. The hallway was covered in red apples.

Matsuda felt strangely detached from the whole thing- maybe it was that he was in shock. It was just all too strange. What was he supposed to think at this time? What was the normal response to this? Should he call for help? With all the noise, shouldn't someone have shown themselves already, looking to find out what the ruckus was? Was this all happening in his own head? Looking at the apple he was still holding, Matsuda analysed it for a moment before taking a bite. Like most red apples it was deliciously sweet, the crisp, thin exterior withholding sweet juice and crunchy pulp inside. He swallowed. Well the apple was definitely real...

Suddenly he gasped, dropped the apple, and clutched his head whilst falling to his knees. Images flashed in his mind at a rapid, dizzying speed that he could scarcely comprehend them; a young boy, with red eyes, eating an apple, an apple that had come out of the mouth of a snake. Oh God, no! Matsuda thought he screamed. He wasn't sure, he felt as if he were submerged in water, sound and sight were impaired and he couldn't smell anything. His screams seemed to come from his mouth but didn't go anywhere. He felt like he was not quite in control of his body, like he was floating slightly.

Oh God, the boy, the boy with the snake and apple! It was Sin, the sort of sin his father raved about in church; the sort of sin that Matsuda was so terrified of committing as a child that he would kneel for hours a night, at the cost of precious sleep, praying ardently that he would not fall into temptation...all those hours locked in the closet...tired but unable to sleep...

Matsuda seemed to turn around, motion going either too slowly or too quickly. Ah there he was, the boy with long black hair. Only it wasn't a boy, it was the old Tutor, Lawliet. Matsuda shouted out something to him, but he didn't know what; he couldn't hear himself. The dark eyes of the man looked up at him; his merciless, dark eyes full of knowledge. Matsuda became afraid of him. The chill of winter came upon him. He turned around to run away, only to be met with intense heat. The other boy, the sinner, stood before him. He smiled beautifully and held out the apple, its rouge colouring reflected in the boy's eyes. Matsuda shook his head; no he would have no part in this. The boy scowled, his beauty suddenly evaporating. Before Matsuda could scream, the red-eyed boy hit him, and Matsuda fell to the floor.

Slowly, he opened his eyes. He was sweating and shaking all over. Sitting up, Matsuda looked around. The sun was beginning to set a little, covering the hallway in a vermillion glow. He must have been out for a few hours. Had no one wondered where he was? He looked at the winding staircase and the floor. There were no apples, except, to his side he looked down and saw a single red apple, a large bite mark still engraved into its side. For some reason, the apple made him feel guilty; he had to fight the urge not to hide it away somewhere.

"What happened?" He queried aloud, feeling exhausted. It was like he had experienced some sort of delusion. Only this one was more unreal than the other ones...

"But are they delusions?" He thought. "I've never had problems before now." He looked at the apple guiltily. "Besides, where did I get this apple? I didn't have it originally, I am certain. All the others disappeared but this one didn't. Something is trying to tell me that this place is haunted. Those two in my dream, I dreamt about them before I arrived. I remember now, back on my journey here, in the automobile, I fell asleep and dreamt about a beautiful red-eyed boy and a mournful, dark haired child. I must remember exactly what happened in that dream! They were definitely Lawliet and Mr. Yagami, I'm certain of it! Only they were children, not adults. There were apples involved ten as well, and Mr. Yagami, he was angry, because I was going towards Lawliet. He was jealous; I think...Why was I going to Lawliet? Why?" Just then an terrified scream ripped through the building, destroying Matsuda's thought process. He leapt to his feet, the cold sweat on his skin chilling him. Matsuda, turning his back to the twisted staircase, began to run down the right-hand side of the corridor, he knew that scream, he knew that scream! It was Matt!


	10. On set of madness

Matsuda burst into Matt room. The boy was standing; his face was pale from shock. He seemed to be staring at the wall.

"What, Matt, what is it?" Matsuda grabbed the boy and turned him to himself. "What is wrong?"

"I saw- I saw-"

"What?"

"I-I just saw a spider. I'm sorry, I saw a spider." Matt gulped and refusing to look at his tutor. Matsuda paused slightly before replying, "No, you didn't Matt. You told me that once before, and I believed you then. But you lie sometimes, don't you?" Matt finally looked at him, tears in his eyes.

"It isn't good to lie, Matt," Matsuda pushed, despite hating the distressed look on Matt's face, but it needed to be done, for Matt's own good. "It isn't good to lie, especially if it means you are scared and alone. If something is frightening you, you must tell me, even if you are embarrassed or think it's stupid." Kneeling down, he lifted Matt's head so that they were looking directly into each other's eyes. "I promise, whatever you tell me, I will not hate you. I will just try to help, alright?"

Matt nodded dumbly before looking at Matsuda's hand. He was holding the apple. They both stared at it for a moment. Matsuda didn't remember taking it with him...

The moment of silence was interrupted when Mello ran into the room. Pushing Matsuda aside (but not roughly) he hugged his brother. "What's wrong Matt?"

"I saw a spider," responded Matt before looking at Matsuda anxiously. Matsuda kept his face as straight as possible, but he was sure that Matt saw the hint of disappointment in his eyes.

Mello did not pick up on the atmosphere, or at least he ignored. He stood and laughed, calling Matt silly.

He turned to face Matsuda. "When will we be learning lessons sir?" He smiled, his beautiful blue eyes shined like sapphire. Matsuda gulped, trying not to be overwhelmed by the sheer beauty of the boy. He did not notice Matt's expression darkening slightly with a hint of jealousy.

"We will be doing the odd light lesson here and there over the Summer," he responded as amiable as possible. "But on the whole, you guys have free reign until September."

"Because then I will go back to school?" Replied Mello without hesitation.

Matsuda looked at the boy in slight confusion; did he not know he was expelled? Mello had to know! Or was Mello lying, araid that if he admitted the truth he would be in trouble (which was technically true)? Maybe he was in denial?

"Erm, yes," Matsuda responded awkwardly uncertain of how to respond. Mello's smile widen cheerfully and Matusda felt his stomach turn warm. There was something about Mello, something that made him happy without knowing or understanding why. With Matt, even though the boy seemed happy, there was always a slightly dark layer underneath. Matt's apparent happiness could be construed as him being a simple and easy to please creature, or to someone who knew him quite well such as Matsuda, it seemed superficial.

The rest of the day went well. They had gone outside and played cricket. Then Matsuda had sat by the lake and watched the boys begin to fix together an old boat that had fallen into disrepair. If they got it working, Matsuda had said they could go on it on the lake. Hey had worked well together; Mello, unlike normal big brother, never got frustrated with Matt. Matt in turn obeyed his big brother without question.

Matsuda felt uncomfortable. The sun seemed too bright, lighting up the world so much that the whole thing seemed like a mirage. He sat under the shade of a tree, hoping to find solace in the slight dark. He shivered. Looking down at his lesson plans for the up-coming weeks, he realised he hadn't written much. He couldn't concentrate. It all seemed too odd. Why was Mello such an angel? Watari seemed to adore him, but the boy had been expelled from school. He had also spent his time with the late Light Yagami, a man who sounded like a demon in human form. Wickedness was the only explanation for Mello's expulsion. After all, it was clear he was not stupid or incapable in anyway. The only reason for such a dishonourable expulsion could be wickedness.

"Something is wrong here," he thought. "Why do I feel as if I am being lied to? It's like being back in university, where all the pleasant and handsome boys had mocked and derided me. I feel like that again, as if, somehow, behind the smiles, they're all laughing at me."

The heat bore down, the laughter of the boys fading as his consciousness shut down. Slowly, Matsuda fell into sleep.

In his dream, he was once more a little boy. His dark hair was too long, the black bangs affecting his vision. Brushing them away he saw the face of his father bearing down from the pulpit. They were in church. Their father's church. It was a simple place, much like their home. The Lord, they were told, did not appreciate pompous shows of wealth, too much bright colour or loud sounds. Sometimes, when Matsuda was being wicked (though he honestly could not help it) he wondered if his father was telling the truth about god. After all, god made all the colours, all the sounds of nature, in fact the whole world was like a big showing off. It was bright and beautiful and grand. Matsuda wondered if god liked all those things, but his father did not and being a man of god, put his own views as god's views. But then, Matsuda would remember that he was wicked, and questioning the law of god was blasphemy. Matsuda would then pray hoping to appease YHWH who, in his mind, whenever he imagined god angry, it looked like his father.

From the pulpit, Father was giving one of his favourite sermons. It was about corruption. Father did not scream and shout like some other pastors. Instead his voice was low and deep, reverberating around the small, modest church. It was like a growl rather than a roar.

"Corruption," he intoned, "comes from the adult. It spreads to the child and infects him also. Then he infects his friends and other family members. The disease of Wickedness. Of Jealousy. Of Disobedience." He looked directly at Matsuda for a moment, and the child felt as if he could wet himself then and there. But he did not. He would not dare shame his father.

"The disease," continued Father, "the sickness continues to spread and infect the brain and the soul until it is all black and vile. And then they spread it onto their children. And so the cycle continues. This is why we stay away from such peoples, as the Israelites stayed clear from the pagan nations around them. Remember, 'bad associations spoil useful habits.' However, there is a way we can save such ones. If we pluck them," Father made the motion of plucking something small, like a flower bud from a branch. "If we pluck them from a young age we can cleanse them with the Holy blood of the Lamb. We can still save them." Again he looked at Matsuda, only this time he focused on him. Father's watery pale blue eyes were nothing to Matsuda's dark Asiatic ones. "Well, some of them."

Matsuda opened his eyes with a gasp. He was cold all over despite. The sun was now gone, and angry dark clouds rumbled over head. Scrambling to his feet, Matsuda looked over to where the boys had been. Only now they weren't there. Desperately he began to call for them. The boat was gone. Matsuda felt his stomach drop. Could they really have disobeyed him? Of course, Mello was wicked! He was sure of it, despite the smiles and seeming benevolence he was sure Mello was wicked. Why else would he have been excluded?

He began to run down the river bank calling for the boys all the while. The water on the lake was getting choppier as the winds picked up. Matsuda remembered the story he had told Matt about the Greek god of wind who was so jealous of a young pretty prince and his new lover that he had killed him. Matsuda did not know why, but the story kept repeating itself in his mind, as he screamed their names over and over again.

He heard a whispering a chuckling behind him. Spinning around he saw nothing. It was the odd but familiar feeling he had gotten when the apples fell down the stairway and when he had first arrived, just before he had met Matt. What the two situations had in common the location, the hallway in between the stairs to the battlement and the boy's bedrooms. But now this feeling was outside. The chuckling continued and Matsuda was sure he felt things brush by him. They were big, whatever they were.

"Stop it, stop it, stop it," Matsuda found himself muttering. He momentarily wondered if he had just gone completely insane. However, a loud clap of thunder awoke him from his fear. He remembered the boys. The sinister chuckling was gone, but he could hear the real laughter of young boys.

He ran in the general direction of their laughter, every now and then getting confused as the winds threw sound off balance. Finally he saw them in the distance. They were very close to the water, and the reeds were very long. Only from their chests onwards could they be spotted; had the knelt down or fallen, Matsuda would never have spotted them. They were spinning around together, revelling in the chaos of an up-coming storm. Matsuda called for them, but the wind snatched his words away.

Sighing in frustration, he stepped into the bog and reeds. Above the sound of the wind he could hear the feel the squelching mud. He shivered once more as cold, slimy mud crept up his shoes and into his trousers. He decided to focus on the boys. When he looked up he saw them embrace.

And then they kissed.


	11. Desire and Passion

Matsuda gaped for a moment. They were kissing. Kissing. On the lips.

It wasn't exactly like adult kiss, but it was too long to be an ordinary, sibling kiss.

The rain washed over them and the wind ruffled their hair. Mello raised a hand and cupped his younger brothers face. For a split moment Matsuda wasn't sure who he was seeing. As a flash of lightening bolted across the sky and lit up the world for one second in its ghostly white light, Matsuda thought he saw two dark haired boys kissing instead of a red-head and a blond.

But as quickly as the vision had appeared, it disappeared and the two brothers still stood before him, locked in an embrace.

The thunder rumbled, sounding heavy and loud like the growl of an angry god.

Matsuda blinked the rain out of his eyes, suddenly coming to his senses.

"BOYS!" He bellowed across the wild terrain, his voice deeper and rougher than he had known it to be before. It sounded like his fathers.

The brothers turned and faced him, looking guilty and frightened at once.

"Come inside! Now!" The dark-haired tutor allowed anger to colour his tone. He turned and began to walk back to the house. He did not turn to see if they had followed him. He couldn't look at them. He was too conflicted and confused. He did not know how he felt. Shocked? Frightened? Confused? Disgusted? His insides felt like they were squirming and writhing. He winced and wrapped his arms around his torso. He was beginning to shiver. His bones ached and he ground his teeth anxiously. The rain was so heavy that he was beginning to develop a headache. His long hair was plastered to his head and affecting his eyesight.

What was happening? Why had they done that? Was it his fault? What if they did it again? What if someone else saw? What would Miss Misa say? He imagined her beautiful cerulean eyes cold with anger and contempt. "Did you ruin my nephews?" Her ghostly visage whispered to him in a cold voice. He shivered. No, he couldn't allow anyone to know the boys were wrong. Who had taught them such ways...had...had he somehow? Had he...infected them...?

No, no, that made no sense. How could he have infected them? And with what?

The red tops of Applegate appeared on the horizon.

He felt his face burning. His throat felt swollen and sore. He felt feverish. Was he ill? Had he perhaps, imagined the whole thing.

Matsuda turned to face the boys. They were both there, clear as day. They had been looking at the ground, but now they stopped and looked at him. They sky was a dark grey, the land a dirty green. The atmosphere was aggressive and cruel. In silence they stared at each other momentarily. Then Mello leaned towards his brother and began to whisper something, all whilst keeping his eyes on the tutor.

Matsuda felt like he should stop them from talking, but then noticed something. Beyond the boys, who were still glancing worriedly at Matsuda before muttering to each other, a figure was striding towards them. Matsuda squinted and saw, yes, it was him! It was a Light! Light Yagami!

He stared for a moment, the figure was coming closer. Matsuda could see the details of his face. The rich auburn hair, handsome contours of his face, his slightly golden skin tone. And then his eyes...Light Yagami's burning red eyes...

Matsuda managed to pull his eyes away from the figure long enough to observe the boys. Mello was facing him, his face seemingly blank compared to the few moments before Light had appeared, but Matsuda caught the tail end of Matt looking behind at Light. Matsuda believed that both of the boys had turned and looked behind them as he had spotted Light. Though it was the tail end of the glance, he was certain that Matt had been looking exactly in the direction of the ghost.

Mello had a strange facial expression, as if he couldn't decide on how he felt. It was a half smirk, but his blue eyes were frightened. Matt on the other hand looked terrified, bright green eyes turned from Light Yagami to Matsuda.

"They can see him," Matsuda realised. His suspicions were correct, the children were aware of the spirits. Both boys were! Did that mean the spirit of this corrupt damnable man was able to affect them? Did that explain the lapses of peculiar behaviour?

He suddenly felt that burning need to protect the boys at all costs. "Leave them alone!" He cried towards Light, who continued his stride towards them. "Quick boys, run to the house!"

The brothers looked frightened. They ran against the howling wind and rain towards the house, quickly passing Matsuda, who stayed to watch the ghost a little longer. It moved strangely, as if it were walking under water.

"What do you want?" Matsuda called to it. He remembered what Sayu had said. "The boys? Are you after the boys? You will never get them!" With that, Matsuda decided the thing was too close now, and he began to run to catch up with the boys.

As they ran, they ripped up the long grass and ploughed through flower beds. The entire time the boys were slightly ahead of Matsuda, and he preffered that. This way, he could see them. There was no chance of Light sneakily stealing one of them.

"My god," Matsuda thought as he ran, the wind flinging heavy rain into his face, "have I gone completely insane? Is that what has happened? Have I gone mad? The boys, kissing...kissing like that despite being children and brothers...the images of other boys..." he remembered the flash of light and how he had seen two brunets, though that made no sense, "and now a dead man is chasing us...a dead man who I never met..." Matsuda almost began to laugh, a chocking terrified giggle emitted from between his lips. "Yes, I must be mad...I can't see how this can true...Oh god...Oh god..."

Behind the shadow of Light Yagami loomed ever closer. Matsuda did not even have to turn around. He could sense it. It was a thing in the form of a man, but it moved like a shadow. Matsuda felt his eyes widening and bile rising in his throat.

"HURRY!" He screamed at the boys, who fought to run against the powerful, howling wind. They were both far ahead of Matsuda now. "RUN BOYS! RUN TO THE HOUSE!"

The red house came into view, the front door was flung open and Watari ran out, the wind instantly ruffling his hair. He hugged the boys quickly and looked at Matsuda with an alarmed expression. "Why are you chasing them?" He cried, before huddling the boys inside.

"N-no," Matsuda stammered in response, "I wasn't- we were being chased!"

"What?" Watari looked beyond the tutor, "there's no one there."

"It was Light Yagami! He has returned! He wants the children!" Matsuda pointed behind him. "See? SEE?" But Watari did not see, and neither did Matsuda because Light had completely disappeared. Matsuda scanned the landscape for a few moments before turning back to Watari. "Well of course he is gone now! We are too close to the house and you are here, so he has gone!"

"Who had gone?"

"Light!" Screamed Matsuda, his hysteria was merging with anger and frustration. Why was Watari not listening to him?

"You look unwell," Watari continued, paying no heed to the fact that a dead man had just chased Matsuda and his two wards across the grounds. "Come inside. You need a warm bed and some sensible broth."

Matsuda looked up at Watari through jet-black bangs. "Don't patronise me," he muttered in a cold, foreign voice. Watari's eyes widened for a moment and he took a step back.

In that moment, Matsuda felt a dark chill course through his body at lightning speed. An image of a man pressed itself into his consciousness, and for a moment Matsuda knew everything about him.

The man was dark eyed and dark haired.

A foreigner.

He did not speak like the English nor did he act like them.

Despite their courtesy he did not fit in with them.

He was called Lawliet.

He loved the children and wanted to protect them.

And he also held a terrible secret. It wasn't just the children he loved, but there was another type of love he felt for another. Something that was looked down upon by society. Something perverse. Something that ultimately got him killed.

Suddenly, Matsuda felt himself being pushed away. The image of the pale, dark-haired man flew away from him and once more he was outside, inhabiting his body in a normal way. He was cold and wet and looking at Watari.

"Sir...Matsuda!" The elderly man cried out. "Are you...quite yourself?"

Instead of answering Matsuda looked up at the building. The window of his bedroom stared out of the red brick walls. A shadow suddenly passed it. "Who's in my room?" He gasped. Watari looked confused, but before he could hazard an answer, Matsuda pushed past and ran into the building.

"No, no more chasing the boys! You have frightened them enough!" Matsuda heard Watari scream. He ignored the old man and ploughed up the stairs.

The interior of the house was much darker than usual. The sudden change in weather outside had bought out all the shadows, making the house look like a strange place Matsuda did not recognise. Matsuda ran up the stairs, someone was in his room, someone, and he bet he knew who it was! The other one, the other ghost!

Anger pounded through his head. Why...why was he so angry? He couldn't think. His mind was too much of a blur. He felt strange as if his body was in two places at once...only it was the same place. Unable to think and unable to analyse his own emotions Matsuda came closer to the top of the stairs. All he could see in his rage-filled mind was the pale man with dark hair. Lawliet...the boy's teacher.

Arriving at the top of the stairs Matsuda suddenly tripped over the forgotten apples and fell backwards. He yelled out and time seemed to go in slow motion. He was right on the top of the stairs, the fall would kill him. He flailed wildly, his impending death striking a bolt of fear through his heart. The world drained of colour, all became monochrome and lines became blurred. Out of this, he saw the image of Lawliet. The spirit was glowering at him. It was angry and hurt and blaming him.

But why?

Just then, without thinking, Matsuda's hand gripped the banister. He stumbled with no grace but did not drop down several flights as he feared he would. He panted so heavily it hurt his chest. When had he moved his hand? His body lurched itself forward, without his say so. He clawed up the last few steps like an animal, before righting himself at the top and looking around. There was no Lawliet. Everything was normal.

Matsuda felt a sudden lightness. He blinked a few times, and everything became clear and concise again. The feeling of absolute rage was gone. He stood dazed and stunned until he heard a polite cough behind him. He turned to see Watari looking up at him with wide eyes.

"Are-are you quite yourself Sir?" The old man asked with a humility Matsuda's had never known.

"Of course," Matsuda replied, his throat sore from when he had cried out. His arm and shoulder hurt from where it had supported his falling body. "Who else would I be but myself?" He turned back ground and looked at the floor. The apples were still there. "Does no one clean up here?" He asked.

"I will send someone up sir," Matsuda gave Watari a cursory glance. The man was staring at the apples as if they were rats. Matsuda picked one up and toyed with it. He did not see Watari's alarmed facial expression. Matsuda tossed it up and caught it over and over again all whilst looking down the hall where the boys bedrooms were. "Mr. Watari, how close are the boys?"

"Oh, very close Sir," Watari sounded relieved. "They are very loving brothers. They only have each other."

"Is that normal?"

"Pardon? Sir?"

"Is it normal or brothers to be very close? Very, very close?" Matsuda looked back at Watari before taking a bite from the apple and walking away.

Everyone stayed inside for the rest of the afternoon as the weather did not improve. Matsuda had both boys bathed, fed and sent to bed early. He said the reason why was because he was angry that they had run off in the rain and not woken him. But that wasn't the real reason. The real reason was because Matsuda could not handle even looking at them for the moment.

He lay in bed that night, thinking over it all. "That Mr Light Yagami was a cad, a ...a sexual deviant," he mused uncomfortably, "My father always taught us of those. And now Light Yagami spread his wicked ways unto the boys. What kind of people will they grow into at this rate? And...and will they ever get to heaven, when they are already sinning so shamefully?"

He sat up in bed, turned on his side light (a small, old fashioned gas lamp) ad took out an old Bible from under his pillow. It was a Bible he had had since his youth, the sides were tattered and the pages yellowed. Most Christians, when looking at a bible feel comforted and hopeful, but Matsuda didn't.

Opening the Bible he saw all the lines his father had highlighted for him. The destruction of lands and peoples, the mass genocides done in the name of God because the people were sinners, the deaths of insolent children, babies being dashed against rocks because of their morally deficient parents. Verses about lambs, love and calm streams and rivers had been marked out. His father had never believed Matsuda needed those lines. So instead Matsuda just read the horror and misery the Bible held. And he thought of the boys.

Who was their role model?

Watari was kind but weak and inefficient.

Misa was too busy.

Lawliet and Light were gone, and before they had left they had taught badness to the boys.

"It's down to me," Matsuda whispered. He looked at the wardrobe where he had seen the ghost of Lawliet, "what did you do to them? What did they see under your care?" The wardrobe remained silent. Nothing was in there that night. Seemed Lawliets spirit had nothing to say.

The rain, soft and consistent and miserable continued to pour down his windows as Matsuda prayed fervently for strength. The strength to save two young souls.


	12. Sex Education

Matsuda's relationships with all the adults became very strange after that day. The servants all became very stiff and awkward around him, and seemed to avoid him as much as possible. They no longer giggled behind his back. Had he frightened Watari so much during his brief, uncharacteristic anger, that the man had warned all the staff? In all honesty, Matsuda was still uncertain about what exactly, had happened to him that day. It had felt strange and dreamlike. It felt like he had not been himself. But when he tried to think of it the ideas that came to his head were so frightful that it made him ill. So he didn't.

His failing relationships with the adults around him would have worried Matsuda a lot more had it not been that his relationship with the boys had gone from strength to strength. Both had been on their best behaviour. They listened to him, even during the awkward talk when he explained why they shouldn't have kissed the way they had.

"It's a kind of kiss you only have for a lover," he had explained as they sat in an old bedroom which had been converted into a sort of classroom. Both boys sat behind desks. Matsuda stood facing them. "For someone who you are attracted to. And this only happens when you are an adult."

He had decided in the early hours of that morning (after being unable to sleep due to nightmares) to have a frank discussion with the boys about what they had done out in the rain. The fact that they had run off, scaring the life out of him, was all but forgotten. All Matsuda knew was that their souls were corrupted and that they needed saving. He also knew, in the back of his mind, that this was perhaps his own chance of redemption, to make up for all his failures, for letting down his father.

"But we do love each other." Responded Matt with an eagerness Matsuda couldn't help but find charming.

"Yes, but the love you have is different. It is fraternal. Brotherly. Not...well...not of a carnal desire...um, if you will."

"What does carnal mean?"

"Ah well, yes. Ahem. Well. Sexual boys. Sexual. When a man and woman love each other, they kiss and marry and then...then they have sexual relations. That brings forth children. Kissing is part of the act. It's only for them. Not for little brothers."

"We saw two people who were very in love kiss like that," said Matt after a moments silence. He sounded distant and a little dreamy. Matsuda suppressed a small smile, the boy was already a romantic, if he remembered someone else's love with such reverence. "It looked nice. We just wanted to try. And it felt nice, so we always do it. Because we love each other." He looked over at Mello and grinned. "We want to stay together forever. Even when we die." He finished on a whisper, but Matsuda heard it clearly. He felt his neck and face blushing. The boys gazed at one another.

"You will always be together. As brothers you are bound to one another. But one day you will meet people, women, who you love as a wife. It's powerful, but it won't replace the love you have for one another. There's lots of different types of love. The one that is sexual and one that is fraternal are both powerful, both enduring, but both are different to one another. Neither cancels the other out. But you are not meant to mix them either."

"Why?"

"Why? Because...well, because it's obscene. It just isn't done. There's no need."

"But who does it hurt?"

"Well, it's bad for society. But look, you don't need to worry. When you are older you'll fall in love, then you'll understand."

"Have you ever been in love?"

Matsuda laughed, his blush staying on his face. He thought of Misa, almost out of habit, but oddly enough, he didn't feel anything for her anymore. He wondered why was it her lack of interest in her own nephews that had appalled him? Instead his mind flashed to being back in the rain, a dark haired boy and a blond boy. He pushed that thought away. No, some things remained locked away. Some things needed to stay locked away...

"Well, I think I was once, but now I'm not so sure."

Mello leaned on one arm, "was it a man or a woman?"

Matsuda nearly fell over. He stared at Mello, feeling the colour drain from his face. Matt looked alarmed and stood slightly, as if to run over to Matsuda at any moment. Mello simply raised his eyebrow.

"It was a woman of course." (Oh God, what does he know?) "Men don't fall in love with men."

The boys looked at each other. "Are you sure?" Asked Matt. "What about the story you told me?"

"Wha-what story?"

"About the sun god and the beautiful boy who became a flower. Hyacinthus. That was his name. You were telling me about how Hyacinths got their name, and it was after him. I liked that story." Matt finished on a grin.

Matsuda instantly regretted him ever telling the little boy that story- what had he been thinking? "Well," could he salvage the situation? "Well, they, Hyacinthus, Zephyrus and Apollo were more like best friends. Very close best friends."

The boys looked unconvinced. Matsuda couldn't blame them. He had underestimated their intelligence. He had assumed Matt would not figure out the homosexual subtext to the Greek myth, and that the boys would accept his condemnations of their kissing without argument. They were too clever, and he was too stupid. A wave of low self esteem and self deprecation flooded over him.

"We knew two men who loved each other." Said Mello. Matsuda froze.

"Well sort of," replied Matt looking at his brother. "I'm not so sure..."

"They did!" Roared Mello, shocking everyone with his sudden ferocity. "They did love each other, equally! Lawliet was just being a tease!"

Matt shrugged and lowered himself further into his seat. Matsuda was slightly stunned by the turn of the conversation. How had they gotten to this? How would he handle it? He wasn't good at this sort of thing!

"Who-who said your tutor was a tease? Who taught you such a word?" He stammered out, already knowing the answer.

Mello straightened himself up, "it was Mr Yagami, Sir. He told me. Lawliet did love him. They kissed. They were in love."

"Ok boys, I'm going to be straight with you here. What Mr Yagami and Mr Lawliet did is against the law. It is against the law for two men or two women to be in a relationship together. It is illegal. You must never let anyone see you both kissing, you must never kiss like that ever again. In fact, don't kiss each other at all! I'm sorry but there it is. Mr Lawliet and Mr Yagami knew this. They should have never done anything in front of you."

The boys gaped as he watched them. Dear god, what else had Yagami done in front of them? What had he done to them? Mello in particular worried Matsuda. For the boys to be so sexualised so young... It didn't bear thinking about.

"We will go to church this afternoon," said Matsuda. "And for now we will study the Bible. I think it's best we leave the Grecian myths for now."

Looking glum, both boys took their King James' Bibles from their desks.

"Let's start," sighed Matsuda, "with the Book of Leviticus."


	13. Church

The church sermon was not as forceful as Matsuda had hoped. When he had gotten older and escaped his father, he had preferred the more gentle ministers and Christian denominations he had discovered outside of his family. But now that he had two boys in his charge, he suddenly realised a greater appreciation for his father's frightening ranting.

Even the church seemed too friendly. It had protestant simplicity but was still beautiful. The sun shone through the plain glass windows, lighting up the woodwork and bathing the arena in gold. His own church, back when he was a child, followed no particular denomination. Father had decided that they had all been too corrupt and did not follow the TRUE word of the Bible. Including the family, there were around thirty followers of his father's church. It took a while to get these apostles as the locals hadn't trusted Matsuda's father because he had been with a foreign woman and had a mixed breed offspring; but in time people learnt to look past Matsuda's Asiatic features and odd name and would instead focus on his father's powerful words of damnation and hell. They had worshipped in a converted barn at the back of the Touta land. It was always dark and damp. There were no windows and the sermons were always done at night. Father taught that having a sermon in the day was showing off, like the Pharisees and Scribes who had prayed on street corners. Now sitting in the sunlit church surrounded by colourful church goers made Matsuda feel slightly blasphemous.

The differences were astounding and it all served to teach Matsuda that he would have to correct the boys himself.

"But it's not just correcting their wrong thought's and desires," he mused in the church pews while the Minister went on about Lambs and Jesus and other fluffy nonsense that his father had seen fit to cross out from the family bible. "They need protecting from the spirits. Light Yagami is not done with them yet." Hestole a glance at Matt. "Matt has screamed twice whilst being alone in his room, and has twice said it was a spider. But he is lying, I'm sure of it." Matsuda frowned, "then there was the time in the hallway, when it all went cold and Matt began to act strangely." He gulped and goosebumps began to appear on his arms regardless of the warmth. "Is it possible that he was...possessed? That seems to be the case. It's the most obvious reason for his temporary change. He was possessed or...or mad." Matsuda's hands tightened around his bible. It was time to reaffirm his old faith.

The sermon finished and everyone went outside. The flowers were in full bloom and blossoms tumbled from the trees. There was no wind and the mid morning sun beat down merrily. The worshippers loitered about with Sunday morning ease, talking happily and exchanging gossip. Matt and Mello played with the other children, chasing each other around the lane and through the graveyard. The servants, including Watari, chatted with people from the village (which Matsuda still had not visited.)

Matsuda stood apart from them all. He felt foreign and strange. He could not understand their dialect nor did he understand the gossip, nor the politics they discussed. He wanted to wait however, as the boys did not get to play with other children very often. He suspected Mello in particular was getting restless. After all, Mello was used to being in school and surrounded by people his own age. As much as he loved his younger brother, Matsuda was not surprised that he was getting a little bored. And Matsuda had still not secured a place for him in another school ready for September.

"Mello still hasn't admitted that he was expelled." Matsuda sighed and walked away from the crowds, going deeper into the graveyard. "It's been so long now...should I ask him? Or let bygones be bygones? Mello is lying, lying through omission. Should I just accept that?" Matsuda was disturbed by how easily both boys seemed to lie, especially to him. Maybe he needed to emphasise that lying was a sin also.

The sharp stinging of nettles around his ankles made him stumble back gracelessly and look down, in front of him of the gravestone of Lawliet.

"'Lawliet the tease'," he muttered wryly. He knelt down carefully to avoid the nettles. "Were you really a tease, or were you an eager lover, or were you just another victim of Light Yagami?" He brushed the leaves off the top of the gravestone. "You committed suicide. You obviously were not happy."

He looked back into the distance where the people stood talking happily, bathed in sunlight and blossoms. Lawliets grave and Matsuda were in the shade. No flowers bloomed here, only weeds and nettles.

"You and I are alike in that sense. I've seen your face. You were not beautiful either. Not like Yagami, so why was he attracted to you?" Matsuda remembered the face of Lawliet when he had found him in the wardrobe. He remembered the long, shaggy hair, the heavy bags under his eyes, the white skin and angled features. "Was Yagami bored of the women perhaps? Or perhaps...perhaps he always liked other men, and his voracious attraction to women had been nothing but a rouse? Perhaps trying to fool himself?" Matsuda felt his face heating up. That seemed unlike Yagami. Of what he understood, Yagami was someone who did whatever he wanted regardless of the rules. If Sayu was to be believed, Yagami was even capable of murder. Matsuda was going down the wrong path, focusing on the wrong thing.

He looked back at the grave. Even Lawliets date of birth was unknown. Could no one be bothered to find out? It was sad. "Where you a loner also, in your own home as well as when you came here? No one has come to claim your body" He blinked away a few unshed tears before leaning forwards and dropping his voice a little lower. "I suppose if we have that much in common then I can admit it to you. I've never fitted in anywhere. I'm always on the outside." Unbidden the memory arose again of him, as a child, in the rain with another boy. "Why won't it stop haunting me?" he whispered. "I don't know what that image means, I don't remember but I feel..." he hugged himself as if in pain, "I feel so ashamed..."


	14. Priest

"Have you seen Mr Touta?"

"Who?" Charlie Mayfield, the local blacksmith and old war veteran with Watari, queried.

"Oh, I'm sorry Charlie," responded Watari, "the new tutor for the children. Have you seen him at all?"

Charlie squinted slightly, "the fella with the dark hair, a bit odd looking? The American?"

"Yes, that's the one," sighed Watari, "I don't know where Miss Amane gets them from."

The men chuckled, "ah he's not as bad as the last one," sighed Charlie when they were done. "This one seems a bit friendlier at least. Well, sort of. Your Lady should try getting someone from England for once. Someone who knows what's what." He sniffed. "Not that I don't like the Yanks or the Ruskies, of course. I think I saw him go round the back of the church earlier."

Watari muttered thanks then rushed round to find the young man. He found him kneeling in front of Lawliets grave. He was hugging himself and rocking slightly. He looked like he was in a slightly foetal position. Watari gulped. This wasn't good...

"Mr Touta-"

"It's Matsuda," the young man's voice was low and dry. He sounded depressed. He sounded like... Watari glanced at the grave and repressed a shudder.

"Excuse me, my mistake. Matsuda, we are going home now."

The boy stood but did not face him. "I was thinking of heading into the village. I've not yet seen it even though I've been here for over a month. Could you take the boys home?"

Watari let out a breath he did not know he had been holding. "Of course sir," he smiled. He was glad to have the boys away from the tutor for a while; he wasn't keen on how the boy interacted with his charges. But he hadn't liked the last fellow either. Maybe Charlie had a point; maybe Miss Amane did need to stop getting foreigners in to do what an Englishman could do anyway.

Without saying goodbye, he hurried away and collected up the two boys.

Matsuda looked as they walked past outside the graveyard. The boys looked back at him and they shared a moment. Matt looked afraid, but Mello had that slightly slanted look in his eyes, a devilish, sinister look. Matsuda felt himself tensing. A cold wind blew around them all. Mello was planning something.

And just like that the boys and Watari turned a corner and Matsuda could not see them anymore.

The moment had passed.

Slowly, Matsuda looked down at the gravestone. "It was you who was inside of Matt that time," he said. "I can't remember everything you said, but I do remember that you doubt my ability to protect them." He looked up at the spot where he had seen the boys last. "Maybe...maybe one of them is already too far gone. And that was your fault; you were in charge back then when it all began to go wrong."

He thought for a moment. That was it! He needed to get back to the original problem, the original sin.

Back inside the church it was cool and quiet. The minister stood by the cross near the pulpit, rustling away his papers that had his sermon written on them.

"Excuse me sir." The Priest turned around and smiled genially at Matsuda.

"Hello young man, you are the American living in Applegate." It wasn't a query.

"Yes Sir, I was thinking of going into the village and visiting someone."

"Oh," the minister sounded very curious, no doubt suspecting (correctly) that Matsuda did not know anyone.

"Miss Sayu, she used to work for us."

A shadow crossed the Minister's face. "Yes, indeed. Well, she isn't too healthy nowadays. She seems to have succumbed to...well...to the Dark Forces."

Matsuda gaped, "the dark forces? What does-?"

"Witchery and devil worship. She has lost her mind; gone mad with the death of her wastrel of a brother. She is quite disturbed. Her mother keeps her at home now." Matsuda gulped guiltily, it was he that first suggested she was insane when in fact, she had been the most honest person he had met so far.

"That is why I wish to visit her," he lied, "to see if she is alright." It was disturbingly easy to lie, and to a Priest no doubt! Matsuda tried to ignore the guilt clawing away at the back of his throat. It was all for the greater good. The chances were the Priest would not tell him any more about Lawliet and Yagami than anyone else. He needed Sayu.

"Very good and Christian of you, young man. I can give you the directions. The village is small and easy enough that you shall not get lost. But please, be very careful, I would like you to get tangled up in her deranged imaginings."

Matsuda smiled weakly, before stepping back out into the sunlight. He could feel the Priests eyes burning into his retreating back long after he left the Church behind.


	15. The Yagami Women

Despite the sunshine there was something creepy and dark about the village. It was like a little village in a pop up fairytale book, all colours and light, but ultimately it was just a paper thin facade. Lurking in this land were monsters and witches and ghosts. Not many people were out, but those who were ignored Matsuda. It was like he was a spirit floating through the land, lost in the sidelines.

However Matsuda didn't care. He had grown to be somewhat distrusting of people in general. He did not like the ways of the people here; how they seemed to imply things and how he never seemed to be told the truth about anything.

Coming off the main street he followed a grey crooked path that led off into the woods. It seemed that the Yagami's lived out on the very fringes of the society. Despite the full bloom of summer, the wood still managed to seem sinister. The heavy growth of trees blocked out the sun. It became much cooler and darker within the dense, purely green vegetation.

A cottage soon appeared around the path bend. The path ended at the cottage, there was nowhere else to go. The cottage itself was homely and clean; it seemed to suit Sayu but struck Matsuda as being too small and simple for someone as glamorous and good-looking as the late Light Yagami.

Walking through the garden gate he was overpowered with the scent of honeysuckle. Sneezing a few times, he alerted the occupants of the house; an older, handsome lady with brunette curls and large brown eyes came out of the cottage shortly followed by Sayu. The family resemblance was strong. Sayu was clearly the daughter of this woman.

Matsuda looked at them and blushed, partially because he was Sayu's ex-employer, partially because that was simply the affect young attractive women had on him.

"Hullo Miss Sayu and Mrs Yagami," he called politely. "Erm, I was wondering if I could talk to you."

Inside the cottage Matsuda was offered a cup of tea and an assortment of biscuits. He politely declined the biscuits but was grateful for the tea. It warmed the chill that had seemed to have settled into his bones. "I would like to know a little about your late son, Light. My students have been saying some unusual things..." He began without preamble.

"Everyone who visits only does so to ask about Light," said Mrs Yagami, with something like frustration in her voice. She got up, took a photo off the fireplace frame and gave it to Masuda. He peered at it. The photograph was of a handsome gentleman. He had moustache and strong masculine features. He was wearing an army uniform.

"That was my husband," she sighed, "Mr Yagami died in the war. He died for his country. He was a great man and provided well for us." She looked around their cottage. It was compact but well fitted, warm and tastefully decorated. It was the home of working class people who were honest, hard-working and had done their best with what little they had.

"Where did he die?" Matsuda asked quietly, already feeling a little in awe of such a great man.

"On the shores of France," she responded quietly. "Sayu was only a small child, though Light was a little older. I think his father's death affected him very adversely, though that was not clear at the start. I thought Light was coping." She sniffed slightly. "We were once the most celebrated family in this entire little town. Everyone respected us thanks to my husband's actions and because we were a good family. Then Light became strange. He met Misa Amane, went away to Applegate," she shook her head. "He was terribly spoiled, my son. I tried to make up for him having no father by lavishing him with love. But I think I loved him too much." Sayu stretched out her hand and held her mothers, causing the older lady to smile softly. Matsuda was touched by their evident affection for one another. "Applegate corrupted him further, I am sure. It ruined him."

"I am sorry to bring you further hurt, Mrs Yagami," Matsuda said, after a moment's reflection. "I do what I do due to an emergency in Applegate. As you say, there is a corruption there. But I'm not sure what it is or how to defeat it. But I am certain it is tied up with your son's history with the place."

"The last time I divulged to you about Light," Said Sayu, "I lost my job."

There was a brief but tense silence.

"I am sorry to you also Miss Sayu," he responded with feeling, "I can see about you getting your place back at Applegate. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I understand that you were warning me. You have been the most honest person I have met here so far." He thought back of Matt and Mello, who he was certain were lying to him much of the time, or at least withholding information about their past relationships with Light Yagami and their old tutor. It hurt him to think that they did not trust him.

Mrs Yagami and Sayu looked at each other before facing Matsuda once more. "It's alright," Sayu replied, "I would rather not work at Applegate Manor anymore."

"Why not?" He asked, tensing in his seat and feeling cold. It was clear that Mrs Yagami had no love for the Manor and considering her son's demise it wasn't unusual that she would encourage Sayu not to return to such a place. But Matsuda knew that that was not the reason why Sayu refused to return.

"Because of the spirits there," she responded levelly looking him straight in the eye, daring him to mock her.

Matsuda clenched the tea cup in his hand, "who are the sprits?" he asked quickly, "why are they in Applegate? Are-are they dangerous?"

"It is Lawliet, the old tutor I am certain," she whispered in the same hurried tones, "and I know that the other one is Light. However it is more complicated than that. Applegate was always strange, from the moment I first went there to work at age fourteen. There were...things there, things that, I believe, corrupted my brother and turned him into Kira."

"Kira? I remember that name. You used it before."

"Kira was the alias my brother often used. Miss Amane used to call him Kira and after she left, so did many of his unfortunate lovers. I don't know why he asked them to call him that, but I think Kira was the thing that killed all those girls."

"Perhaps he named himself Kira so as to distance himself from his crimes," replied Matsuda. He looked over to Mrs Yagami. The older woman was looking out of the window into the hedgerow. He thought he could see a few tears shining on her face. His stomach churned with guilt. This wasn't the sort of thing a mother should hear about her son.

Sayu turned to where he was looking and spotted her mother weeping also.

"Mama," she called softly. "Mama it wasn't Light...I'm sure it wasn't." Mrs Yagami did not move or show any kind of response. Sayu turned back to Matsuda. "Maybe you are right," she continued in her normal tone, "but Light actually changed. I don't know if he was perhaps possessed or if there was some sort of split personality happening, but I know Light wouldn't have done those terrible things. All those women he slept with...all the..." she paused and broke off, unable to say more in the presence of her weeping mother.

Matsuda took advantage of the silence to think for a moment. He had become far more open to the idea of spirits and possession due to his time at Applegate, but he was not convinced that Light Yagami had been possessed.

By what he could tell, Light was a spoiled handsome young man with ambition. It would make sense that he was corrupted by his own evil. "That time I saw Matt in the hallway," he thought to himself, "he was completely unlike himself. I am sure he was possessed by the tutor that night. The area was frozen and it only lasted five minutes or so. Afterwards he seemed to have no recollection of the things he had said or done, though of course he may have been feigning innocence...

"I don't think the ghosts can hold onto people for a long time and it is fairly obvious when someone is possessed. Plus, what ghosts would have possessed Light? As far as I can see, Light and the tutor are the only spirits present in the Manor. Sayu says that there have always been 'things' in the Manor, but I have seen no evidence of such. Perhaps the girl is saying that in order to try and clear her brother of wrong doing."

"What do they want?" he queried out loud. "Why do they haunt the manor so?"

"I believe," Sayu responded, "that my brother and the tutor are haunting the place because they are trying to complete what they were doing when they were alive. They are competing for the souls of those two little boys." She shrugged, "in the end that's all their relationship ever was- a competition to see who was best, who was the cleverest, who was the most influential."

"But why were they competing over the little boys?" continued Matsuda. "I mean, why didn't they, say, fight to see who could get the most girls, as that was what Light was good at anyway."

Sayu smiled softly. "I never knew Lawliet that well, he was very quiet and not versed in the art of making conversation, but he was clearly disinterested in females, sexually particularly." Both Sayu and Matsuda blushed at the term 'sexually'. "Lawliet focused his energies on educating the two little boys and pretty much ignored everyone else, much like yourself Mr Touta."

Matsuda blinked at her, slightly shocked. "You think I ignore people?"

She shrugged slightly, "it's how you seem. In the time I was at Applegate with you, you didn't talk much to any of the adults, not even Watari. You appeared very awkward around us, a lot like Lawliet. But when you were with Matt you just opened up. We would watch you sometimes from the house, when you and Matt played in the gardens. It was like you were a whole different person. You were confident and loud and knowledgeable. Then you would talk to us quietly and nervously. You seemed desperate to get away from us."

Matsuda blushed heavily. "I suppose I was a little intimidated by you." He answered, "it is very difficult being a stranger in a foreign land. Everyone speaks differently to me and there are new formalities and manners and etiquette that I need to learn. It is difficult."

Sayu nodded, looking at him in wonder. Matsuda pondered if she had ever thought about what it was like from his point of view or Lawliets for that matter. Had everyone just assumed they were rude and anti social and not simply shy or awkward or different?

"So Lawliet was heavily invested in his students and therefore Light tried to compete for their affection?" Matsuda summarised, leading the subject away from himself. "That seems like a strange thing to do."

"I think he wanted Lawliets attention."

"Why?-oh." Matsuda blushed again and Sayu looked back at her mother who looked pale and had streaks of dried tears on her face.

"Oh, my dear Mr. Touta your tea must be getting cold," the older woman said suddenly, getting up, "I shall get you some more tea and a slice of my cake."

When she left the young people both moved further in their seats, leaning closer together and talking more quietly. "They were in a sort of relationship, Light and Lawliet. I think my brother may have even loved him in a twisted kind of way. He often spoke of Lawliet to me and usually in a positive manner, which was rare for Light, who was a very critical man. He often spoke to me of Lawliets vast knowledge. He seemed to like that Lawliet was very different to the people of our little village. I think Lawliet was a kind of escape for Light.

"However I'm not sure of Lawliet's feelings towards Light. I'm not even sure how consensual their relationship was. I think Light was something of a bully. But I'm not sure." She blushed and looked away from Matsuda. He had the feeling that she would not elaborate on his behalf. He would have to find out for himself. "I know that Lawliet became jealous of young Mello after Light began to associate himself more and more with the boy. Lawliet even became a little cruel to the child."

"How so?"

"He constantly began to berate the boy, Mello couldn't do anything right. In the end Watari took pity on him and took him under his wing whenever Light wasn't around. I don't think Lawliet meant to be mean, but he was."

Matsuda remembered to when he was new at his job and how much Watari had insisted that Mello was a good little boy. "Well Mello isn't a good little boy," he thought to himself, "maybe Lawliet had a reason for being how he was. Mello has kissed his brother in a way that is not right, has been expelled from school and still hasn't admitted it to me and is a liar. There is more to the two little boys than even Sayu knows. The whole situation is probably darker and more twisted than any of us could imagine."

"What about Matt?" He asked out loud. He hoped Lawliet was not cruel to Matt also. Matt seemed so vulnerable and sweet natured. He was not as corrupted as Mello.

"Lawliet liked Matt a lot. When Lawliet and Light's relationship began to fall apart, Matt tended to stay with Lawliet while Mello went off with Light."

"Well that explains quite a bit," he thought to himself. "It explains why he chose to possess Matt and why he chastised me for not being strong enough to protect the boy. It especially explains Matt's views on the Greek myth I told. He believed that the Sun God should have allowed the young handsome Prince to die instead of having him linger on as a flower. And unlike Mello, he seems more inclined to view Light and Lawliet's romance as a tragic story rather than a romantic one. Mello is the one that insists they were in love, not Matt. If Lawliet was unhappy or forced in the relationship, then Matt is reflecting Lawliets views.

"Now I just need to know why Lawliet was so unhappy, or why he allowed himself to be in such a relationship. He does not strike me as someone timid or easily bullied." He thought back to the photograph with the angry Lawliet storming towards Light and Mello. No, Lawliet was definitely no lamb, he was a wolf, just as Light had been.

"When did the girls begin to die?" he asked, suddenly hitting inspiration, "before or after his relationship with Lawliet?"

Sayu thought for a few moments. "The murders began a few months before Lawliet or the boys arrived. Then, when the men began spending so much time together and we all became suspicious of them, the murders all but halted. But when the two boys arrived in the Manor, and the men fell out of favour with one another, the murders began to occur again."

"Was Lawliet aware of Kira?"

"I think so, but he was a strange man, he was never clear about his intentions," she blushed a little and looked embarrassed; "we all thought he was a little stupid and backwards when he first arrived. I couldn't understand why Light liked him so much.

"But now, in hindsight, I'm certain that the opposite was true. I think he was a clever man, just as Light always claimed. I think he worked out something about Light and while that attracted my brother and maybe was even why my brother loved him, it repulsed Lawliet and eventually got him killed."

"That makes sense," responded Matsuda, though he privately believed that Lawliet had committed suicide, "more sense than anything else. I will find out the truth. I need the spirits gone, their silly games away from my students. If I solve the mystery then maybe the sprits can finally rest in peace and I can train the boys in the way of being good, proper and Christian."

He stood and she copied him. She held out her hand and he shook it. "Good luck Mr Matsuda," she smiled, "if you can help my brother move on, please do it. But more than anything else, please, please, please be careful."


	16. Confrontation

It was late in the afternoon by the time Matsuda arrived back at Applegate. His legs were weary and the harsh sun had given him a headache. The tightness of his skin warned him that he was also sunburned. He was not happy to be back at Applegate. He did not like the building anymore. It was like Bluebeards Castle; a place of murder, sexual deprivation and secrets.

In the cool solitude of his bedroom he closed the curtains and slumped onto his bed. "Maybe I should just leave," he thought mournfully. "I can't handle this, the murder, the illicit sex, the incest. But then...then I would not be able to see Mello and Matt anymore. I wouldn't be able to stand that. I feel like they are my responsibility. Their parents are both dead, Miss Misa seems too remote and they have possibly been abused by past role models. I can't leave them." The memory of his father towering down from the pulpit forced itself into his mind once again. "Someone is responsible," he decided. "There is always someone responsible, someone to blame. And I blame...I blame the one person still alive who could have stopped all this."

Matsuda went downstairs into the drawing room and opened a bottle of scotch. He was not good at confrontation and needed some help. He swallowed two shots in quick succession. His father had drunk scotch, just before he fully converted to the True Ways of the LORD. Scotch was what men drank, or so Matsuda had always been taught to believe.

He swallowed another for good measure.

"Did you know Mr Yagami and Mr Lawliet were in an explicit relationship with one another?"

Watari looked at him, surprise in his eyes. Matsuda had just appeared at his side from nowhere, or so it seemed. Not to mention the shocking content of the question he had been asked so brazenly. "How did you-?" The elderly man gasped before trying to pull himself together and answer the younger man's question. "Yes Sir, yes I did. Mr Yagami was quite a cad and-"

"Did you know they kissed in front of the boys?" Watari went to turn away so Matsuda grabbed him in a fit of passion and thereby forcing Watari to face him. "That the boys are mimicking them? Did you know that?"

"They're just boys...they experiment. It's doing no harm."

Matsuda threw Watari's arm from his grasp in disgust. "It isn't right," he hissed, remembering his father's ominous words of condemnation for the Sodomites of old- surely the boys were doomed to the same fate as Sodom and Gomorrah! "The boy's very souls are at stake!" Matsuda cried; fear for their souls clenching his heart and hysteria colouring his voice, "and now Mr Yagami is after the boys again! I can't take them outside for fear of his presence."

Watari frowned whilst watching Matsuda. "You have been drinking," he accused. Matsuda looked momentarily taken aback. "I can smell it on you," the older man pushed. "Mr Touta, with respect, this really isn't good enough. What would Miss Misa say? I don't know how you do things in your country but-"

"Oh please!" Cried Matsuda the rage returning, "Do not try and use my difference against me! My country? Are you serious? At least where I come from we don't accept incest and paedophilia!"

Watari paled at the last word, "who says anything like that has happened?"

"They're over sexualised, especially the oldest. Mr Yagami was a monster, a sexual deviant, and he and Mello used to go off together for hours at a time. Everyone was suspicious but no one did anything! Also, I know that Mr Yagami was using Mello to make Mr Lawliet jealous. And furthermore it worked! Mr Lawliet was cruel to Mello! Why would he be, if he wasn't jealous, or didn't think that Mello was wicked somehow?"

Watari sighed, "Mello wasn't always well behaved for Mr Lawliet and he had a hard time controlling Mello. Mello isn't wicked, just a little headstrong."

"Really? And was Mello 'headstrong' before Mr Yagami's arrival? And what exactly do you mean by 'headstrong'?" Watari was silent and Matsuda shook his head in disgust. "If the boys were older, maybe fifteen or sixteen then maybe, maybe I could believe your argument of them being sexually curious, but at eleven and seven, are you crazy?"

Watari said nothing in response, but Matsuda could tell by his facial expression that he was thinking that the crazy one was Matsuda himself.

"I'm not crazy," Matsuda responded too quickly, making Watari raise an eyebrow, "I'm not! I have been talking to people; I know the strange things that happened here. You say Light was a cad, as if he were just a bit of a jerk. I know the truth, women died Watari! They died! They killed themselves over him and because of him. And you let him stay with the children! I was told by Sayu that two servants, I believe she said they were called Takada and Akino, were both found dead in the kitchens and both were pregnant!"

"Miss Sayu is a disturbed young woman," Watari interrupted, "I have warned you not to listen to her. She is quite mad especially since her brother's untimely death. Her mother also has become a recluse. Both women are shunned and for good reason. The Yagami's are bad news."

Matsuda nodded, "yes they were bad news. But you allowed Mr Yagami here, despite your reservations of the family. How could this have been allowed to happen? Somebody should have informed Miss Misa as soon as women began to die."

"They did not die because of Mr Yagami alone, or at least we have no proof of such! And yes both were pregnant but we could not prove that the father was Light Yagami. Both women had claimed before their deaths that a person called 'Kira' had impregnated them and no one knows who that is."

"Kira? That is Light Yagami! It was his alias!" Watari stood in silence so Matsuda continued, "that night, when you took me to their graves, you told me that the relationship between Lawliet and Yagami was one of obsession and perversions. You knew enough Watari, you knew enough about Light Yagami. You should have kept those boys safe."

For a moment both men went silent, exhausted from the argument. Neither was accustomed to confrontation. Matsuda looked up, past Watari and out of the window. It was darkening outside. Suddenly a figure showed up against the glass pane. Matsuda screamed.

"What is it?" Cried Watari, he turned behind him to see what Matsuda was screaming at.

"Light Yagami!" Shouted Matsuda, "my God! My God!" The room turned dark, all Matsuda could see was Light Yagami.

The young man felt someone shaking him. It was Watari. "Calm down sir," the man was shouting. But Matsuda couldn't calm down. His legs turned to water and he collapsed on the ground. He had seen him- he had seen him! It was no trick of the light, it was no illusion and it was no hallucination. Light had showed up by the window, a smirk was on his face. His hair looked red in the fading sun. His skin looked tanned and smooth. He was beautiful.

But the thing that really frightened Matsuda was Light's eyes. The eyes were not human.

They had been red.

Blood red.


	17. Once, I was loved

Matsuda lay in bed feeling deeply depressed.

He had been dragged upstairs by Watari and two female servants. The whole time he had cried out about the evil of Light Yagami and that he needed to check on the boys. Watari had told the women that Matsuda was delirious and crazy with drunkenness. They had put him in bed and locked his door. After half an hour or so of futilely beating at his door, Matsuda had finally given up and crawled into his bed, only seeing to kicking off his shoes and jacket.

His head was spinning a little. Maybe he was drunk. He felt the red blush of familiar shame spreading up his neck and across his face. He pushed his face into his pillow.

Was he crazy? He certainly sounded crazy.

What if he was wrong and Watari was right, what kind of damage was Matsuda causing? But then...what of Matsuda was right?

"Well it doesn't matter if I am right or wrong," he thought mournfully, pulling the blanket over his head, "because in any case I am failing again. Why can't I ever do anything right? Why am I so stupid? Why can't I see what is happening here? Why can I never do anything right?" The vision of his father's disapproving face hung in his mind. He wiped a tear away as the familiar feeling of uselessness crawled into his stomach.

He had always been a failure, a laughing stock for those around him, unsuccessful in everything but his job. And now he wasn't even doing his job right. Matsuda thought of the boys kissing in the rain. Dear God, two males, two brothers, kissing, like that! Was it all his fault?

The vision of a beautiful blond boy came into his mind once again, temporarily overriding the disagreeable face of his father. This time Matsuda did not try to banish the thought. He needed something beautiful to think on. The boy looked like a cherub. He had curly blond locks and red lips. He was beautiful, but not like Yagami, this boy was pure and innocent. That was what made him cherubic, the beauty was beyond earthly, it was ethereal, spiritual even.

Matsuda tried to remember his name, but it would not come to him. It was as if every time he actively tried to remember the boy something blocked his memories. Like a mental wall of some kind. But then, ever since arriving in Applegate and meeting Mello and Matt, the vision of the boy had been haunting him.

It made Matsuda distressed, but he couldn't figure out why.

"He had been my friend once...but something happened. Something to do with father..." Matsuda curled up into a tighter ball under the blanket, "that's when I began to do things wrong all the time. I was cursed. I wanted something I couldn't have..." A soft sobbing interrupted his thoughts. "Is that me?..no, no it isn't..."

Slowly he sat up and then pulled the blanket off his head. The sobbing stopped. He looked around. The room was dark now the sun had set; Matsuda was surrounded by shadows.

"Is someone crying?" he whispered to the darkness. He was suddenly overcome with the feeling that he was sharing the room with another person. A person he felt that he knew. "Lawliet...is that you? Are you crying?" He paused. Lawliet did not seem the sort of character that would cry. He seemed more like someone who would have anger simmering just under a calm facade.

Matsuda climbed out of bed and looked around. He saw nothing but definitely felt the presence of another being. It did not seem the same as when the ghosts had appeared before. The atmosphere had not changed, and though the being seemed not earthy, it did not seem to be of the ghostly kind. Whatever this thing was, it was old and Matsuda could not tell if it was benevolent or not.

"What are you?" he whispered.

Suddenly the window burst open and a strong wind flew into the room knocking over things from shelves and off the desk.

He ran and closed the window, halting the wind from getting in. From off the top of the wardrobe a box with several papers had fallen to the ground. He hunched down in the darkness and began scooping them back up and placing them in the box. He briefly wondered what they were but a flapping sound distracted him. It sounded like wings. His back stiffened. He felt a presence again, only this time it was stronger.

Slowly he looked up. His eyes were becoming accustomed to the dark and he could make out various shades of black and shapes in the shadows. He then looked around, blinking cautiously. Something wasn't right.

Suddenly his breath caught in his throat. In the corner of the room was a tall shadow of something demented. "There was nothing in the corner before I went to bed," he thought. Matsuda remained crouched on the floor, watching closely, his eyes wide. He tried to control his breathing, which becoming heavier and beginning to shake. He sounded as if he were about to have a panic attack.

The thing did not move; it remained completely still. "It's all in your mind," he thought, "it must be. The thing is probably some inanimate object I forgot about. Typical of me to get all scared over nothing. "

Slowly Matsuda got onto his feet. As he did, two, bat-like black wings stretched out from the demented figure. Matsuda fell back, a scream caught in his throat. What- what was this? The thing was- the thing had moved! One of his hands landed in the box, tipping the papers onto the floor once more.

"Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk," the thing chortled.

Matsuda felt like something wet and sticky was running down from his nose, but he didn't even think to wipe it away. He was spell bound in horror by the thing in front of him. It was something alive! Something inhuman!

The moonlight shone through the clouds and burst into the room. It gave enough light to show a rictus grin etched across the thing's head and two yellow eyes. The teeth were all razor sharp, and there seemed like there were too many in that one mouth. The eyes were bulbous and yellow.

Matsuda finally screamed and scrambled up to run to the door.

The door magically broke open, allowing him his swift escape. In the hallway, he slammed the door shut behind him. He stood gasping for air, waiting for the thing to chase after him. However, even after several minutes nothing happened. The bedroom door remained closed.

As he took in deep breaths, leaning against the wall opposite to his bedroom door, he noticed that the air was becoming hard to breathe in. The air was becoming too frigid and cold. His fingertips and nose began to feel pain as the initial shock of his bedroom faded. Slowly he looked at his hands. It was gloomy in the hallway, but he could just about see that his fingertips were turning blue.

The bedroom door began to ice over, trapping inside whatever was in there. All along the corridor frost bloomed and spread itself out.

Matsuda's breath came out in small puffs of white.

Painfully slowly, he looked to the side. And there he was. Jet black hair standing at all ends, tall but hunched, hands shoved into pockets finishing the air of slovenliness, unnaturally pale skin, and then worst of all, the deep jet black eyes. Despite the spirit looking disinterested and messy, the eyes gave away its real feelings. The spirit was angry. The eyes were jet black molten tar, burning and bubbling with the incandescent rage of the Undead and Restless. Matsuda swore that if he looked into them for too long he would fall into Hell. He looked down at the ghost's feet quickly.

Matsuda watched as the spirit twisted around on the spot and then began to float away. Instinctively he began to follow it. Though he felt dread and trepidation, Matsuda felt that Lawliet wasn't going to hurt him, but rather Lawliet simply wanted him to do something. But what he wasn't sure.

They wandered into the hallway on top of the stairs which led out to the battlements and where Matsuda had been attacked by the multitude of apples. Lawliet lingered for a while as if unsure. Even his ghostly image wavered slightly, like a television screen going slightly out of focus.

"This is Yagami's territory, I'm sure of it," Matsuda mused. "Something must have happened here between the pair."

Nonetheless Lawliet continued, floating down the stairs and leading Matsuda outside. Once a sensible distance from the house, Lawliet looked back over towards Matsuda, who himself braved looking at Lawliet's face. His long fringe covered his eyes, but Matsuda still could feel them burning. Lawliet pointed to the battlements, the same one where Matsuda had first seen Light. There was a figure up there!

Matsuda gaped and strained his eyes. "Who-?" he began but a horrific scream ripped through his question and the figure suddenly fell backwards from the battlements. Matsuda cried out and ran towards where the body had hit the ground with a sickening thump. He did not notice the small, fair figure that had been standing a few feet away from where he had been standing. Lawliet had disappeared.

Running up to the body, Matsuda recognised the victim. It was none other than poor Sayu Yagami.

He dropped to his knees, ignoring the blood that was spreading out of the broken body and soaking into his clothes. "Oh God," he muttered, tears forming in his eyes, "Oh Dear God, Sayu, poor, young Sayu." A shaking hand reached out and touched her face. Her eyes were wide open in fear and her flesh was still warm.

He felt someone sneaking about behind him. Whirling his head around Matsuda nearly jumped when he saw Mello standing there in his nightclothes. The boy looked at him guiltily.

"What are you doing out here?" The tutor asked, sounding harsher than he intended.

Mello looked with wide eyes at the dead body that was once Sayu.

Matsuda gulped, "she's dead, we'll need to get Mr. Watari and call the police." Matsuda's eyes trailed down to what Mello was holding. "Mello, what is that in your hand?"

Mello hugged it to his chest. "It's my notebook," he responded, "it's my own private one, so you must never read it."


	18. Sayu Yagami takes a fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: A kiss between a child and an adult on the lips (it's in Turn of the Screw and is necessary I swear!)

"You have blood under your nose."

Matsuda touched the area between his top lip and nose carefully. Partially congealed blood fell off onto his fingers.

"Did you have a nosebleed?" queried the blond boy, almost sounding concerned.

"Yes," Matsuda looked up at him. "Yes, I was frightened earlier and I think it caused a nose bleed."

"What frightened you?"

"I don't want to talk about it." So many things had frightened Matsuda in the last few hours that he wasn't sure how his heart, or mind, were taking it. He looked back at Sayu for a moment, his mind vaguely calling him to go get Watari and the authorities already. However, the strangeness of the day so far had affected him and he was not acting his usual self. It was like he was slightly detached. At times sounds and feelings blurred and became almost incoherent; it felt as if he were under water. Perhaps he was in some sort of shock, though he was also having a feeling of déjà vu at this experience.

At that moment, a question shot through his brain like lightning bolt cutting through a storm of angry thick clouds; it was out of his mouth before he had even considered it.

"Mello...why are you outside in the middle of the night with a notebook?"

Mello's face went curiously blank, the way it often did when he was about to lie. "I wanted to see the flowers that only bloom at night. You were the one who taught us about them," he finished accusingly. Matsuda stood and faced him, his mind no longer focused on the dead girl just behind him.

"I said that we would go out to observe them together one night." He responded in the tone of a frustrated parent. "It's dangerous to come out alone. Besides this is hardly the weather to go wondering about in the dark with."

Mello's face went red with an anger he usually hid away, "you never let us out anymore!" he yelled suddenly. Matsuda blinked. He had never seen Mello truly angry before. The old Matsuda would have been shocked to see such a change in personality, but to the new, cynical Matsuda it simply proved to him that the angelic persona Mello adopted was a lie. Truthfully, Mello was wild and hot headed.

"It's so boring now!" the boy continued to rage, "I can't stand the damn boredom! School is over, and your lessons are nothing to what I had in school! Matt and I are always in the house now, reading Leviticus and Judges and all those horrible, horrible stories about God just killing everyone! I hate it and so does Matt! And that's why I came out by myself, because I think you are going to lock us up forever! You are like Bluebeard! You seem all nice but really you are mean and crazy!"

"What has caused this fury?" Matsuda murmured in response, seeing fit to not raise his voice. He felt strangely calm, considering all that had just been screamed at him; it was quite unlike himself. "I haven't seen you like this before, Mello, what is wrong with you?"

"Stop talking like him," said Mello, taking a step back from Matsuda and turning very pale. He even sounded afraid.

"Like who?" Matsuda stood, a frown marring his features. What was Mello talking about?

The boy was shaking slightly, and refused to look at Matsuda.

"He must be in shock," thought the tutor. "What? Of course he is! I am so stupid!" He looked down himself. His trousers from the knees down were covered in Sayu's blood; no wonder the boy could not look at him! The situation suddenly came back to Matsuda. What on earth had he been doing, mercilessly interrogating the boy? Now was not the time or the place!

"Don't worry Mello," he said, trying to sound cheerful. Mello's head jerked slightly towards him, as if the boy was suddenly able to recognise him and was beginning to feel comfortable again. "I know you have seen something truly awful, I should not be scolding you over something so stupid...I...I am so sorry. Please, go inside and get Mr Watari, then have one of the maids get you a hot chocolate before putting you back to bed. You may sleep with Matt tonight if you wish." This last concession was a big one on Matsuda's part. Since the kiss he had been keeping the boys at a physical distance from one another as much as possible.

The pale boy nodded and returned to the Manor, his notebook tucked neatly under his arm. Matsuda watched him musing over the boy's behaviour. Mello really was quite studious. It was shocking his school expelled him, he must have been a wonderful student. It was only two more weeks until the end of summer, and Matsuda still hadn't gotten Mello a new school. He was beginning to panic.

As soon as Mello disappeared into the house and closed the door behind him, Matsuda realised that he was alone with a dead body. He shivered. The window was still blowing occasional, powerful gusts that threatened to knock him over. He looked around warily.

Would he see Light Yagami again, with his evil red eyes? Matsuda baulked at the thought, the fear of seeing the spirit so clearly that evening was still unsettling him. What about Lawliet? That spirit was now missing, though Matsuda felt as if it were watching him.

He looked up to his bedroom window. That thing in his room was surely some kind of demon. He whimpered, "I wonder if I can sleep in the same room as the boys? No, that's stupid. Watari would never allow it. He doesn't trust me anymore. He thinks I'm mad, or a drunk, or both." Matsuda frowned, it hardly seemed fair, considering Watari allowed someone like Light to get close to Mello, but he was being treated with suspicion. "It's probably because I'm a foreigner," he thought poisonously, "I bet if I were a handsome Englishman Watari would have more faith in me."

The wind blew hard, making the trees make loud whistling noises. Matsuda groaned to himself. How long would Mello take? It was frightening being alone and in the dark! He turned back to the unfortunate corpse of Sayu and let out a scream.

Her eyes, which had been wide open and staring vacantly at the floor beforehand, were now staring straight at him. Her whole body had turned to face upwards.

"S-Sayu?" He whispered after he recovered from the initial shock. "A-are you s-still alive?"

Her eyes were sightless which meant she must have been dead, but in that case, how had her body moved? Her skin was a ghastly pale, her body contorted and ruined due to the smashed bones. Dark red blood poured out of her. Pure white against the deepest red. He could not believe someone could bleed so much.

Just as he began to back away towards the house, (who said he had to stay outdoors like this waiting?) Sayu's mouth opened.

"Sayu?"

And then she let out a blood curdling scream.

Matsuda clamped his hands over his ears. The whole world began to spin, colours blurred, sound was drowned out aside from that awful, never-ending shriek. Oh God, oh God when would it stop? When would the madness finally stop? Matsuda felt himself giving into the sheer panic he had been feeling welling up all day. The craziness with the ghosts, Kira's eyes, the evil inside Yagami, the ghost of L waiting outside his room, the Demon with black bat wings, the death of Sayu and the blood, all the blood, all the images blurred in with the ones he cherished; the boys sitting by the embankment and watching the blue bottles, the beauty of Misa Amane, Sayu and her mother offering him tea, the blonde boy offering him an apple- all were ripped up and covered in red blood, red as an apple, as red as the bricks on Applegate. Everything was poisoned. No! Ruined. No! And the pain would never end; never end until he was dead!

Someone was shaking him. "Mr Touta! Mr Touta! Quick, get help, don't stand there gawping girl!"

Matusda opened his eyes. Watari was holding him. "Thank God," the old man sighed, "you were screaming and shouting like a mad man. Oh Mr Touta what a terrible shock, come, come away from the body." Matsuda was lifted to his feet (when had he fallen?) and drawn towards the house. He looked back to Sayu, she was in the old body position she was in before the scream.

What had happened? Did he imagine it all? It had been him screaming...apparently. Had he experienced some kind of episode?

Matsuda was sat down outside the front door on the steps. A maid put a blanket around him and a hot chocolate (with a liberal amount of whisky inside) was put into his hands.

Was he really going crazy?

The rest of the night was something of a blur to Matsuda. He felt curiously vacant. The whole night so far had been so bizarre. The police had hurled questions at him; 'who was Sayu? 'Why did he think she was at the castle'? And on and on.

Matsuda couldn't answer. He hardly knew Sayu and he had no idea what could have possessed her to go the Applegate in the middle of the night and to climb up into the battlements. He overheard Mr Watari quietly explaining to the officers that Sayu was a 'disturbed young woman' and had been odd ever since her brother's untimely death. For some reason the explanation of Sayu being insane riled Matsuda up. He was certain that she was not insane but rather she had seen more clearly than anyone else.

"So you heard and saw nothing before she fell from the battlement?"

Matsuda looked at the young officer who had just asked him the question.

"Um, no sorry," he sighed, then he suddenly remembered, "wait, no, the reason I got up was because I heard crying. Soft crying, but I couldn't quite tell where it was coming from."

"So you went outside?" The officer sounded somewhat incredulous.

"I went outside because I needed some air," he answered trying to keep his tone calm; he had never been a good liar before but he had learnt from watching his two protégé's how to keep his face perfectly straight. "Then I saw Master Mello," he continued, "we were talking, I was telling him to come inside, and then we saw Miss Sayu fall."

Matsuda felt a little ashamed of himself because the lie had come out so easily. He normally abhorred any kind of lies, but this was a necessity. If he told the absolute truth, no doubt he would be locked away as a maniac. He would either be shipped off back to America in disgrace and shame, or even more likely, locked up in a mental institute in England for the rest of his life. He could not allow that. He needed to be in Applegate to keep the boys safe. He was the only one protecting them from the spirits and now that Sayu was dead, he had the most knowledge.

"What was Master Mello doing outside so late at night?" queried the Officer, his tone incredulous.

"The boys have been learning about Amanida mascara, otherwise known as Deadly Nightshade and Mello, being an enthusiastic student, wanted to see them for himself."

"It's hardly inviting weather, Sir. I may need to talk to Master Mello."

"Well, now is hardly the time. He is in deep shock and definitely needs his rest. Besides, I've told you the truth. Why else would Master Mello be out at night? He's a reckless boy, sure, but aren't all boys at his age?" Matsuda looked at the officer archly. "Unless, of course you're actually implying that Master Mello had, somehow, something to do with Miss Sayu's death? I may have to get Miss Misa Amane involved..."

The Officer paled. "No sir, please do not think I was casting doubt on such an illustrious family. I was simply trying to be thorough."

"Well, that's ok," smiled Matsuda, still feeling bad, this time for using the family to manipulate the poor Officer, "but please, if you do come again, come in the day and in a few days, when poor Master Mello is up for talking."

The Officer insisted that he believed Matsuda's version and no further intrusion would be made.

The body was covered and taken away. The Police left and slowly the gawping and weeping servants went back into the house and back to bed.

Matsuda walked back in himself, not wanting to be trapped alone outside.

"Mr Touta, Matsuda, may I have a word?"

Matsuda turned to see Watari walk up to him. "Matsuda, I just wanted to say how impressed I was with you tonight, especially when dealing with that Officer."

They stood by the front doors, Watari scrambling for his keys before locking them. Then they began to walk upstairs to the bedrooms. "Thank you," Matsuda responded quietly.

"Considering you were inebriated earlier and then the shock of seeing the dead girl Sayu, you pulled yourself together very well and..." Watari continued to witter on but Matsuda was not paying attention. He was looking at the wide staircase they were beginning to climb up. This was the staircase he nearly fell down that day when he had caught the boys kissing and then were chased by Light Yagami's spirit.

"Sir," he began, interrupting Watari's praises, "did Light Yagami die by falling down these particular set of stairs?"

"He did," the butler responded slowly, "why do you ask?"

"How did he fall? I mean," Matsuda shook his head, "why did he fall? Was there ice on the ground by any chance?"

Watari shook his head. "No Sir, no one actually saw Light Yagami die. But for some reason there were several apples around the fallen body of Mr Yagami. We believe he tripped on those whilst climbing up or down the stairs."

"Apples?" cried the tutor, "why were apples on the staircase, or anywhere on the upper ground hallway?"

The old man shrugged, "it's a mystery. I assume someone was carrying apples and dropped a few. None of us gave it that much thought."

They stopped on top of the stairs. Matsuda looked to the side where the stairs led off to the battlements. "We should perhaps board up all the doors to the battlements, just in case," he said and the butler readily agreed with him.

"Watari, I must go check on the boys. You understand?"

For a moment the old man looked pensive, but then it passed and he replied, "of course Sir. I'll see you on the 'morrow." Then men shook hands and parted ways.

The hallways were simply lit by the odd gas light. It was creepy.

When he peeped into Matt's room he was relieved to see the boy sleeping innocently. He crept up to him and watched him for a little while. The boy hummed and turned around, a smile on his lips. Matsuda brushed some of the boy's hair from his forehead. "He's in a place much better than reality," he thought to himself.

A different scene awaited him in Mello's room. Mello was in his night clothes still, a few candles were on, giving the room a dull light. Mello himself was looking out of the window.

"You need to go to bed young man," Matsuda ordered.

Mello turned and looked at him, blue eyes analysing. After a few moments he did as asked.

"Can you tuck me in please?"

Matsuda went over and began to tuck him in. "I'm sorry you saw what you did tonight," Matsuda began. "And I am sorry we argued. I will let you outside tomorrow, I promise." He looked at the boy, "even if it rains," he lifted his little finger, "pinky swear."

"What is a pinky swear?"

Matsuda let out a small tired laugh, his Americans were often lost on his students. "Oh it's just a promise, that's all."

Mello smiled sleepily, "pinky swear," he repeated before closing his eyes. His breathing became heavier and more regulated.

Feeling slightly better about life in general, as well as the welfare and his relationship with the boys, Matsuda got up to leave but Mello called him back.

"What is it? I thought you were asleep." He complained.

The boy, now suddenly looking fully awake, observed the tutors movements closely. A smirk appeared slowly on his red lips. "Come here, Matsuda."

Matsuda approached, the feeling of comfort now dissipated. He sometimes disliked Mello, and this was one of those times. Mello had a way of talking that made Matsuda feel like he was a stupid fool being mocked. He sat on the bed, the boy sitting up so that they were directly facing one another.

"What is it now Mello?" Matsuda sighed, his eyes itching, "I'm very tired and unsure of where to sleep tonight..."

"Hmm, you should sleep with me." Mello purred out his interruption i a decidedly seductive manner.

Matsuda stared and there was a moment of silence.

"What did you say?"

"That you should sleep with me," the boy responded more pragmatically, "if you're scared stay with me. That's what Matt and I do."

"I can't sleep with you."

"Why not?"

"Adults don't stay with kids."

"What?"

Matsuda sighed, feeling weary, "I mean, adults don't stay with children. It isn't proper. Not when they aren't related. Good night Mello."

Suddenly the boy glowered. Matsuda shuddered; that look did not suit Mello.

"Proper and in proper," the child snarled. "I hate how society is so retarded when it comes to such weak ethics. What is natural and right is contorted by silly social dogmas. I hate it."

"Mello, this doesn't sound like you..."

"Doesn't it? What I am saying is that I like to go against the rules. I like to make up my own, superior ones. I like to be naught. You think I'm naughty, I know you do, I can tell." The boy pushed back the quilt and crawled almost seductively towards Matsuda, closing the small gap between them. "I am naughty sometimes...when I'm not allowed out, or not allowed to do the things I like, I can become naughty."

"What naughty things do you do?" Breathed Matsuda, the boy's face was right next to his.

"I might sneak out the house late at night, I might tell people such as Watari or aunty Misa through letter that you aren't treating me or Matt properly, that you seem to be going quite mad, that I'm meant to be going back to school soon and I don't think you'll let me and that I am worried for my safety and my brother's."

"Is that so?" Matsuda returned, fear clawing at the back of his mind and feeling his hackles rising. "Well Mello, you are right, I do know that you are not a good little boy, just as your old tutor knew, and if you go around telling such lies, I have proof that you are not a good boy."

Then Mello chuckled. The sound of it was so low and so adult-like, Matsuda was suddenly thrown into doubt of whether or not he was actually speaking to Mello and not someone (or something) else.

Outside the wind raged on. It was similar to how it raged when Light had chased them.

"Oh Matsu," smiled the boy after he had finished his snickering, "shall I tell you what I love? Listen, it's a secret," the boy leaned up and whispered into Matsuda's ear, making it tickle and raising goose pimples. "The fact that you have kept everything so interesting, I was so afraid that Mu would be boring..."

As he moved away, Matsuda was about to ask what on Earth he was talking about but was interrupted when Mello moved forward and captured Matsuda's lips onto his own in a kiss.

The man sat still as a statue, not even breathing. The pair hardly moved.

It was short and technically chaste, but Matsuda felt like it was still very wrong somehow.

When Mello pulled away with a happy humming sound in his throat, Matsuda gaped unable to speak or respond.


	19. The Metaphorical Fall of Matsuda Touta

A shaking hand lifted and gently Matsuda touched his lips.

When was the last time someone had kissed him?

Ah it was...no...

Best not think about that.

The tutor looked back down at his pupil only to find Mello fast asleep, as if nothing had happened, as if he had merely been asleep the whole time. He put out a few of the candles, for safety reasons more than anything, then slowly made his way out of the room back into the gloomy corridors. He found himself standing outside his bedroom door without even thinking about it. The ice was all gone.

Slowly he opened the door and turned on the light. There was nothing in there that shouldn't have been. He stepped into the room and looked around before breathing a sigh of relief. Whatever that thing was, it was now gone.

"Was Mello trying to be seductive?" He wondered, shuddering at such a horrible idea. "Or was it Light Yagami, possessing him and making him do something profane? Or was it...was it just an innocent kiss and I am the profane one for thinking so much into it?"

He kneeled down and looked at the sheets f paper across the floor. There were neat lines on the paper, like they were ripped out of a student's notebook. On the lines were short sentences. It looked like a long list. Rubbing his eyes tiredly he read them:

Kiyomi Takada- is killed by Shiori Akino in a fight. 20/1/1933

Shiori Akino- Kills Takada then herself. 20/1/1933

Merrie Kenwood- falls down stairs. 28/3/1933

Dianne Jones- Gets beheaded in car accident. 6/5/1933

Greta Keller- Dies from pneumonia. 21/5/1933

Kyoko Farmsworth- drowns in her bath. 31/5/1933

Juliet Adams- she and her unborn child die during its birth. 12/6/1933

Halle Bullok- commits suicide through hanging. 15/6/1933

Linda Smith- chokes to death on her dinner 20/6/1933

Wendy Lidner- Leaps from the village bridge to her death. 21/5/1933

Matsuda paled as he read the list. His heart began to pound uncomfortably, mimicking the thumping of the wind against his window. Something Sayu had told him long ago forced itself into his mind;

"Finally," Sayu breathed, staring at him with wide, fearful eyes, "one day, a woman called Naomi Misora, she was the bravest of us all. During the war she had worked with the police force. She was as brave and as diligent as any policemen, fireman or soldier I've ever known.

She tried to prove that Kira was guilty. She said that the mistake of the last few girls was that they threatened Kira, whereas what we needed to do was band together, get proof of our story and then report him to the authorities. Most of us were too scared to do anything, so she investigated him alone. Whenever he was out with Mello, and he often was, especially at night," there was a brief pause. "It was apparently so they could go out hunting and having masculine bonding time… "She had then blushed and looked away, "well, that's when she would sneak into his room, to find any scrap of evidence of his crimes. She said criminals were vain creatures, and would always have some kind of trophy or record of their crimes, just for their own sadistic pleasure.

"And, apparently she found something out.

"I was in the pantry with the other women, when she burst in saying she knew Kira was causing all the deaths. She said she had found a notebook in his room, where all their deaths had been written down and planned.

And just as she was about to say more, she died."

Looking down on the list he saw one last name which looked like it had been written in haste.

Naomi Misora.

There was no description or time of death. It was literally just her name. Matsuda felt his stomach lurching. This was a death list. Sayu had been correct the whole time; she wasn't delusional or insane or evil. She was telling the absolute truth. Though he had suspected for some time that she was honest, it was a fact forced upon him now. And she was dead- thrown from the turrets and lying on the floor like a broken doll.

However, she had thought that the list was proof of murder; or at least that is what Miss Misora had said. But some of these deaths were beyond human control; for example, how could Light Yagami have controlled someone dying of pneumonia?

Then there was also the strange fact that the deaths became closer and closer in date. Therefore they would have begun to arouse suspicion. All of the deaths happened in one year- the same year Light Yagami and L died. By what Matsuda understood, or at least what had been implied was that the deaths had stopped after Lights death.

But how and why?

He looked at the papers. How were these related to the deaths? How had Light managed to control or orchestrate them? And to what end?

There was something very sinister going on.

With shaking hands Matsuda picked up the papers and put them back into the box. He washed his hands for a good ten minutes afterwards. They felt sullied somehow, as if just holding them had dragged him further into this horror story than he could ever imagine, he felt like he had doomed himself.

Slowly he began to undress. "Mello was outside with a notebook," he mused fearfully. "Is he continuing Light Yagami's work of documenting deaths? But why? And how did he know Sayu was going to fall?"

He put a lid on the box and wondered what to do. After a moment of thought he put the box under the bed. Too much had happened tonight. Everyone needed rest, though he thought that the chance of him sleeping in the haunted house was pretty unlikely. Nonetheless he yawned. "I'll show Watari the papers tomorrow... and I'll think of what to say to Mello...after I've hopefully spoken to his ex-tutor..."

Instead of putting on his pyjama's he went to the wardrobe and searched until he saw that white long sleeved shirt again. "It's re-appeared." He wasn't surprised. Taking it off its hanger he pulled it on, and wearing just that and his underwear he got into bed.

The light was still on, Matsuda did not want to risk turning it off lest the monster returned."I need to establish contact with L," He thought, wriggling further under the warm blankets. They were comforting after being stuck outside with the wind for so long. Heblinked slowly, his lids felt heavy. "If I can get some sort of communication going, I can try to figure out what is happening. I am not clever enough to work it out on my own. L must have worked out the truth, and it must have killed him." The thought briefly passed of his own safety, but he put it aside. He needed to save the boys; that was his priority.

"You should be a detective," a childlike voice suddenly said in his mind.

"Hm?" Matsuda eyes were closed but his head jerked. Without knowing it, he fell into sleep but instead of dreaming, he began to remember...

"A detective?" A thirteen year old Matsuda looked at his blonde friend.

"Yeah, you're good at finding out stuff."

Matsuda blushed under the compliment and his heart skipped a beat. "N-naw...maybe my instincts and luck work for me at times..."

The blond boy smiled before lightly chastising, "don't put yourself down so much Matsu."

They were in a barn yard, working together to stack up and bind the hay. It was a hot summers day- a yellow sun blazed in an clear azalea sky. The grass was becoming like straw under the heavy gaze of the sun and the flowers wilted. The boys were lean, slightly muscled and a little tan (Matsuda moreso) from the amount of work they did everyday on their families farms.

"How come you call me Matsu, and not Matt, like the other boys?"

Terry Aiber stopped working and blinked at his dark haired friend. "Because your name is Matsuda. It's Japanese right? Well I like it being Japanese. It makes you more interesting."

Matsuda analysed Terry's blue eyes, blond hair, milky, skin skin and slim built body which testified that the boy was just on the brink of adulthood. Terry was Matsuda version of the All American Teen. "I wish I looked more like you," he sighed, longing in his voice. "You look like you belong here...not like me."

He set back to his work, feeling blue remembering all the boys who called him 'half breed', 'half caste' and 'chink'.

Suddenly one hand grabbed his shoulder, the other cupped his face and made him look into the older, fairer boy's face. "Don't ever think badly about yourself, Matsuda!" Terry commanded the smaller teen this time. Matsuda simply blinked, stunned by their proximity. "Did you know," Terry continued, "that my real name is Thierry? It's French. I'm French American." The blond smiled and loosened his grip on Matsuda shoulder, he showed no signs of moving further back however. "America is a melting pot. We are all Americans. I don't like that we make people feel left out...you know? I think..." Terry blushed suddenly and his normal flowing speech became stilted with nervousness, "I think we should be more open...to different people...of different colours and race...and feelings."

"Feelings?" Matsuda felt a little dizzy being so close to Terry. His heart was pounding and it was hard to breath. All his senses focused on terry; on his smell, the feel of him, the warmth radiating from his body...but somehow Matsuda had listened to what the boy had said. "What do you mean feelings?"

Big blue eyes looked into Matsuda deep brown ones. They stayed close to one another, just breathing and staring. Matsuda face burned.

"You know," Terry finally said, his breath on Matsuda face, but it felt nice, not gross like it would with anyone else, "like...feelings...like, who you love."

Terry glanced down at Matsuda's face for a split second before moving in- blond hairs mingling with black, pale skin on tan, red lips starting to brush together...

Then everything went black and Matsuda was falling.


	20. Love burned to nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very short, very dark chapter. Please read with caution. Violence. Homophobia. Murder.

Matsuda was alone in a cold dark place. His skin was clammy and the damp had plastered his wet hair onto his head. He was shivering. And he was crying. The smell of burning hit his nostrils. But it wasn't just burning...there was a horrible smell alongside it. They were burning something, the locals, his neighbours and the friends of his father, they were burning something outside whilst whooping and screaming in joy.

Just a few hours ago it had been in anger.

Matsuda's father had caught Aiber and himself. The boys had been separated and Matsuda thrown into...this place, but not before his father and the neighbours had damn near beaten the life out of him. He had been punched to the floor by his own father. Then they had kicked him around like a football and stomped on his head until unconsciousness had mercifully embraced him. He had heard Aiber crying out in the background...but he had been unable to help him.

Getting gingerly to his feet, wincing all the time due to the injuries they had given him, he began to push at the wooden door.

"Please!" He called, "let me out!"

He peered through a crack in the door and his body went devastatingly cold. He instantly fell silent...he barely breathed his fear ad heightened so much with that one glance.

Outside were men wearing pure white cloaks. They had white hoods over their heads and obscuring their faces. Their eyes were wide with mad hatred. They were the ones yelling and screaming like drunken thugs. He recognised some of their voices. He knew some of them were his own neighbours. Was his father out there?

Matsuda stuffed his fist into his mouth and bit down hard. They had a huge bonfire burning just a few yards down from where he was being held captive. Dear God...were they...were they going to burn him? Of course, that's what these people did. They burned anyone who was against their ideal of purity.

He glanced down at himself. Not only was he somewhat brown skinned and part foreign but he was now also a sodomite. Or so that's what his father had screamed at him as he had laid blow after blow onto his person.

Feeling sick with fear he looked back out to the fire. In its centre they had erected a pole, not unlike the type they would have burned witches on in Medieval times. Was that where he was to be taken? Would be set alight, whilst still alive and screaming, on there?

His eyes widened when he realised something was already burning on it. Unconsciously he began to shake his head in disbelief. His fist began to bleed but he didn't notice. There was a person on the pole...a person who was very still and charred black...a dead person. A corpse.

And Matsuda had a good idea who it was.

He felt warmth in his trousers. He had wet himself.

He fell onto his butt in an undignified manner. His hand was still in his mouth as he began to snort and moan, rocking backwards and forwards as he did.

His mind was full of a fuzzy white noise. He could not allow his thoughts to break through...he could not allow himself to think coherently...because then he would know...he would know...he would know...

Laying down on the floor Matsuda burst into anguished sobs of pain and a deep, everlasting, uncompromising misery that would haunt him for the rest of his life, no matter how far he ran.


	21. Sleeping with ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings- death, angst, sexual activities (a three way of sorts) and of dubious consent. This is my first lemon, btw, so it's pretty shoddy (I'm sorry *cries*)
> 
> The inter-changing between 'Light' and 'Kira' has been done very much on purpose.

Matsuda opened his eyes. They felt sore and red. He had been crying in his sleep.

So that was what he had been trying to forget. How stupid of him. How would anyone forget that night? How could anyone forget that the first person, who had dared to love him despite all the odds, had been horribly beaten and murdered as a result?

Matsuda shivered with the cold. It was still night time and he still felt exhausted. Dawn was probably just a few hours away. He needed to get some sleep. Maybe a hot drink would help. Though he could hardly see how a hot drink would cure the horror of having at least one mental breakdown, several scares, possible evidence of child grooming and witnessing two deaths in one evening (even though one death was a memory).

He sat up and nearly screamed when he saw a figure hunched up at the end of his bed. He recognised the white shirt that seemed to almost glow and the spiky black hair that screamed 'rebellion.'

"How did you survive?" whispered a voice. It did not seem to come from the figure, but rather from the actual room itself. It bored itself into his mind so that he could not be sure if it came from the room, the person or his own head.

"Are you the room?" asked Matsuda out loud, "is this," he looked at the figure, "just a representative of you?"

"I, Lawliet, am part of everything in here." Replied the voice by way of answer. "Even you Matsuda Touta, though I am not the only one..." Matsuda gulped and was about to ask for clarification but the ghost continued on. "I have been very polite to answer your question even though I asked one first. Would you kindly answer me now? How did you survive when poor, pretty Aiber did not?"

Shivering Matsuda leaned back against the head of the bed. "The men came to me after a while. They laughed at me, because I was crying." He closed his eyes. He had never spoken about his experiences to anyone. "I-they pulled down my pants and underwear. They...they looked at me down there. They checked me." He felt himself gagging a little. He saw no reason to go into detail with the ghost on how they checked him. "They saw that I was a virgin...that I hadn't actually..." he couldn't continue. Taking in a deep breath he opened his eyes but kept them low. "They let me go because I wasn't a sodomite. But they used Aiber as a warning. They said Aiber was checked and had been found to be a sodomite and so that's why he had...why he had been killed. I had to dig the grave...I had to bury what..." he choked on unshed tears and a strange blockage in his throat, "I had to bury what was left of him. It was part of my punishment."

"And after that," continued the ghost in a dead pan, didactic tone, "You were watched closely by your hate-filled, violent father who resented you and was ashamed of you. He turned into a mad zealot after that. You were raised to hate homosexuality. To hate yourself." Matsuda finally looked at the ghost. He was surprised to actually be able to see Lawliets eyes this time; the ghost was no longer hiding them under a heavy fringe. "It isn't a sin to be what we are," the ghost continued. "The god of your father is a petty being. If it existed I would go against it on purpose. Who would want to please such a monster?" Matsuda gaped at the blasphemous words.

"You can't mean that!" He cried, "Surely you are afraid of hell?"

"Your father beat a fear of hell into you. And now you do the same to poor Mello and Matt." The ghost said without any malice or judgment. It simply stated a cold truth. It made Matsuda feel ashamed. "However, I have not seen nor witnessed any hell. And I am more of an authority on the Afterworld than you are," a smile hinted at its lips, but soon vanished again. "There is nothing here but Mu. Nothingness. Emptiness. I cannot leave this place because of him."

"Him?" repeated Matsuda while blinking stupidly, "you mean Kira?"

Lawliet nodded. "I need Matt to be safe," he answered. "But I don't know if anything else needs to be done also."

"Kira is a danger to Matt?"

Again the spirit nodded.

"What about that thing I saw in here earlier? The thing with the wings?"

Lawliet scowled, it looked odd on such an expressionless face, "that hateful thing is Ryuuk. It works with Kira."

"What I don't understand? How? What does it do? Is it dangerous and why can I suddenly see it?"

Lawliet shook his head, "I can't answer everything. There are rules, even in this desolate plane I am trapped in." Without warning, the spirit crawled up Matsuda's body with unnatural speed. It reminded Matsuda of how spiders moved. Long fingers touched his face, making him flinch in response because they were too cold. "You are interesting to me, Matsuda Touta," Lawliet breathed down his ear. "I thought everything was doomed to remain the same, but then you came to this awful place and change began to happen." Matsuda could feel Lawliet nuzzling his hair. The spirit didn't seem the cuddling type, so Matsuda figured he was sniffing him, though that wasn't a comforting thought either. However he didn't push the ghost away. This was the closest he had been to anyone in many years, and after such a horrible dream had bought back dark memories, he was happy to at least pretend Lawliet was comforting him.

Lawliet lifted himself up and leaned over the still body of Matsuda. "You bought him in with you," he muttered. Due to their proximity Matsuda could see that Lawliets eyes were not actually black, but a dark grey. They were...hypnotising.

"Aren't they?" agreed a voice deep inside him. Matsuda blinked in confusion, jerking his head slightly.

"Do you know," the ghost continued in his deep voice, "how long I tried to keep him out of here? Out of the Upper rooms? Away from the boys? Mello constantly tries to thwart me though he doesn't know it. But you were the one who actually bought him in."

At first Matsuda didn't understand what Lawliet was talking about. He opened his mouth to ask but the skinny ghost gave him such a deprecating look that he quickly shut it again. He knew he would have to work it out alone. How would he have invited in a ghost? He thought of the few, but frightening, occasions when he had seen Kira.

Matsuda flashed back to the day Kira had chased them. He remembered the feeling of something washing over him. He remembered how he had spoken to a frightened Watari in a manner unlike himself and that he had felt so cocky when biting into the red, juicy apple. He remembered the ghost of Lawliet pushing him and that he nearly fell...but didn't because he had grabbed the railing in time.

"You tried to kill me," he whispered, "because I was possessed by Kira. You tried to kill me but I didn't die. By killing me you would have kept Kira out and away because it would have been a re-enactment of his death. He would have remained banned from this place." The ghost was silent, simply observing Matsuda with a cold indifference. They were still too close for comfort.

Suddenly the face changed. Matsuda blinked in surprise. Lawliet was beginning to breathe heavily. A slight pink tinge coloured his cheeks and his body rocked a little.

Matsuda cocked his head to one side...what was...going on?

Suddenly he looked down at himself. At some point during his ruminating, he had bought his leg up and was now using it to rub up and down the area between Lawliets legs. As it rubbed, it kept pulling up Lawliets white shirt, revealing milky white, unblemished skin. Seeing the skin made saliva build up in Matsuda's mouth. His own breath quickened.

Then as his leg journeyed back down it would graze over a hot lump that was growing ever evident in Lawliets trousers. Lawliet himself let out the odd hiss when that area was brushed against. Matsuda blushed heavily. How had he not noticed he was doing that?

"Beautiful, like this, isn't he?" muttered the same self satisfied voice he had heard earlier in his mind.

"Light?" He asked out loud looking anywhere but Lawliets face, "what? Are you inside me?"

"In a manner of speaking, but I would rather be inside someone else, want to join me?"

Suddenly Matsuda flipped Lawliet over so that he was now crouching over the ghost. He pushed down on Lawliets wrists. It was strange, they felt so solid and even the coldness was beginning to seep away. Matsuda looked around, the room seemed to be shifting between what he recognised as his own room and then as a room he did not know.

"Time is disturbed," said Lawliet, answering Matsuda's unasked question. Matsuda looked down to see the ghost looking as calm and unruffled as ever. The voice inside of him growled in growing frustration. "It is shifting between your time, and the time when we were alive." The ghost continued. "We ghosts tend to repeat what happened in our lives, which is the main reason why I did not want Kira up here. I knew something like this would occur. I am unhappy about it. I dislike you, Kira."

"It's Light!" roared the red-eyed spirit through Matsuda's mouth. The tutor gasped, his throat felt it had been ripped because the scream had been so sudden and so forceful. He felt violated that the ghost inside him was using his body in such a way.

"This is partially why I hated Kira," Lawliet carried on, "he sullied me and everyone else. He is a user and an abuser. He doesn't care," Lawliet looked deep into Matsuda's eyes, and the tutor realised it wasn't him but Kira L was really talking to, "he doesn't care if the persons he is hurting are women or even children. Or even someone who wanted to try and love Light."

The thing in Matsuda paced like a caged Lion before taking control of Matsuda once more and leaning down fully onto Lawliet. "I care about you," said Matsuda/Kira in a sickly sweet voice, "I always liked you Lawliet. You stopped me from being bored. You were such a blessing. I love you. I do. I love you."

He leaned down and began to nuzzle Lawliet before gently kissing his thin, pale lips. Lawliet remained still and impassive. Matsuda could feel Kira's mounting rage and frustration despite the fact that on the outside he was still treating Lawliet with care and consideration. Kira was clearly an expert at hiding his true feelings.

"Please love me back," Light continued, Matsuda's lips brushing against Lawliets, "I know you do, just say it out loud. Then we can go, you and I, together, somewhere else. It's me keeping you here. We can't move on unless you just accept."

Matsuda felt himself becoming light headed. He began to pull away from the situation mentally. He couldn't stop Light from using his body, but he could make his mind go elsewhere. Besides, the situation was feeling increasingly private and personal. He felt odd being privy to it. He felt himself stand up before he looked down to the bed. Sure enough there was L lying on his back. Light was on top of him, but wearing Matsuda's clothes. Lawliet was looking right at Matsuda, watching him as he was assaulted by the devilish Kira. Matsuda smiled softly. He felt sorry for Lawliet. It couldn't be easy; being in love with someone you knew was a maniac.

Lawliet returned the smile, albeit briefly. "It's why you liked Misa you know," he said softly, never turning away from Matsuda. "Because of her blue eyes and blonde hair. It's why you are a little in awe of Mello's beauty as well. They remind you of Aiber's features."

Matsuda blinked, tears welling up. He felt his heart was actually hurting; like it was bleeding out.

"Stop ignoring me!" screamed Kira suddenly. He viciously scratched the side of his own face, but Matsuda was the one who screamed. He clutched his cheek and found it was bleeding. Kira grinned up at him. Lawliet obediently turned his face to Light's.

"I'm sorry," he said tonelessly, "don't hurt the Tutor. He doesn't understand." He leaned up and gently kissed Light. It was chaste and short but Light looked like he could die of pure ecstasy, if he wasn't already dead. After a moment of bliss, he hurriedly began to pull down Lawliets trousers. Matsuda's face burned and he looked away. He could understand why Mello and Matt argued if this sort of behaviour was what they witnessed. It was hard to tell whether Kira actually loved Lawliet, or if he was obsessed with him.

To his right he saw Light and Lawliet standing together arguing. He frowned. He could still feel them behind him, panting and shuffling about in the bed covers.

"This is...too strange," his thoughts were slow and fuzzy. "Why are there two lots of Light and Lawliet?" He walked up to the arguing couple cautiously. They did not notice him or acknowledge his presence. It was as if he wasn't there. And unlike when they were on the bed, these two incarnations of the dead men did not appear to be solid. They were like wisps of smoke, a mere memory of times past.

Lawliet was huddled against a wall while the broader man leaned over him. Yet, because of the defiant, dark eyes, Matsuda couldn't describe Lawliet as looking weak or fragile compared to Light. He was allowing Kira to be brutal.

"So what are you saying L?" the brunet breathed, pushing up Lawliets shirt and rubbing his hands across the slim, flat tummy. "Are you afraid that I've been cheating on you? I haven't touched another girl since I started having you." Kira leaned in a bit down on Lawliets neck, biting and sucking. Matsuda flinched. It did not seem loving or even sexual. It was as if Kira was branding Lawliet. The pale man turned away from Kira, forcing the younger man to move away slightly. "What?" Kira demanded, "What is it now? You're so difficult, so damn changeable! I never know what you want!"

"Why are you always with Mello now?" Lawliets voice was flat, but even Matsuda picked up the slight accusatory tone in it.

Light backed away fully. "What do you mean?"

"Why are you always sneaking off with him? Why do you go in the woods together? The servants are talking you know."

"I told you!" Spat Light in response, "I take him fishing! He's intelligent and fun, unlike you! And Matt is a little sap I can't stand him! I hardly want him with me!" Matsuda and Lawliet both flinched when Kira insulted Matt. Lawliet said nothing. "And you," Kira continued his diatribe, "won't come with me anyway! You look down on me and I hate it!" He shoved Lawliet, flinging the thin man to the floor. Lawliet allowed it to happen.

Light breathed heavily for a few moments before composing himself. He looked slightly regretful but hid it quickly under the handsome veneer. "You always make me act unlike myself," he said in a calm voice, pulling Lawliet back to his feet. "I was never this angry or violent before you. I've always been seen as a gentleman."

Lawliet turned to Light sharply, fire in his large eyes. "You are no gentleman," he hissed, "and I have not made you violent. As long as I have known you, you have always been this way. You just cannot hide yourself from me. I know the real you and I can draw it out." He sounded a little proud of this apparent ability. Lawliet brushed his hand against Light's face. "But it is true that you couldn't have always been this way. Once you were a gentleman, maybe even good." He bought the hand away and cradled it with the other. He moved away towards the bed, his back to Light. "But not anymore. I do not want you around Mello."

"Why? WHY?" Kira marched up to Lawliet and turned him around without giving him chance to answer. Matsuda stumbled backwards; Light's eyes had turned from a honey brown to a deep red. "You cannot dictate to me what I do!" Kira yelled, spittle flying from his mouth.

Lawliet narrowed his eyes in contempt, stirring on Light's rage. "You think I'm doing bad things to Mello don't you? Don't you?" Kira lifted his fist and bought it down to Lawliet. Where the pale man did not even flinch, Matsuda closed his eyes and looked away.

"Don't be too hard on me," he heard Light's rich voice murmur in his ear. He opened his eyes. The scene with Light and Lawliet was gone. Light stood behind him looking calm and handsome. "Lawliet isn't the absolute good person you think he is. He likes to push people's buttons; he likes to see what makes us tick. And then he uses it to send us over the edge. He sent me crazy you know; crazy with lust and anger. You should also know that, despite all the sly remarks and hints, I am not a paedophile."

"You're worse."

Matsuda blinked. He had changed position again. He realised that he was back in his body and on his bed leaning over Lawliet, only now he was (to his great shame) completely naked. Lawliet beneath him had been the one who had just spoken.

"Lawliet," Matsuda muttered. The ghost was naked also and the pair of them were under the bed covers. Lawliets long legs wrapped around Matsuda's middle. His whole body began to heat up, but inside he felt like a deep heat, like molten lava was developing in his stomach than travelling southwards... he blushed heavily and against his will, began to pant. "I don't...huh...hah...I don't want to, erm...do this..hm..." he tired to gasp. He was becoming increasingly aroused, and it felt like it had come from nowhere, there had been no build up, no forewarning. Matsuda's whole body began to tremble with fear and exertion.

"Mello slipped through my fingers," Lawliet continued as if Matsuda had said nothing and as though a potential rape wasn't about to happen, "and he's slipping through yours."

Kira made Matsuda shove his fingers into Lawliets mouth. He flinched when the ghost sucked at them slightly. It was gross and very wet. "Why is Kira doing this," he wondered trying to keep his head clear, "is it to shut Lawliet up?"

Inside Kira sniggered, it was like a deep rumble. "So innocent, aren't we?" he teased, prying Matsuda's fingers away from Lawliets mouth. "How can you not know this sort of thing?"

"I don't want this," Matsuda whimpered, " I don't like you Kira and I don't understand. Why would you need me at all?"

"So I can feel it," whispered Kira. Matsuda felt like he was behind him, talking into his ear. It was uncomfortable but arousing at the same time. He felt his blush deepening as his shame rose. "You need to stop being so afraid," Kira continued to whisper, "this is a part of who you are. You should embrace it."

"You're the devil!" wept Matsuda, "not you, I don't like you!"

Lawliet looked at him, "you are making him worse," he announced, Matsuda assumed to Kira. "This will make him even more introverted and full of self loathing. For once do the right thing. Let him go."

"I want to feel you," Light groaned through Matsuda's lips.

"Like I said, for once do the right thing. Sacrifice your own want in order to allow this man to feel safe."

"He'll be fine," Kira muttered. Matsuda felt someone stroke his face, "you'll enjoy it," Kira promised him, "you just need to relax and...let it happen."

Lawliet shook his head and looked away. He closed himself off, mentally at least. But with that action Matsuda found his body cooling a little and his arousal wilting somewhat. For a split second he wondered if it was because Kira was disappointed, he could feel the spirit pulling away despondently, but then he realised it was himself who felt let down; Matsuda wanted to see Lawliets eyes. For so long he had wanted to properly see the man, and tonight he had gotten not only that but to talk to Lawliet as well. And with Light's amorous thoughts and words he found himself...craving for what was about to happen.

Kira had gone curiously quiet; almost as if he had retreated completely but Lawliet looked at him, shock in his eyes. "Matsuda? You want me?" murmured the lithe, pale soul looking up at him. "Of course you do," shock faded in the deep grey eyes, "you feel a connection with me, you have from the start." He reached up and gently touched Matsuda's face, "we're alike, you and I. Added to this is the simple fact that you are lonely. You have almost no adult relationships and the ones you do have are unhealthy and non-romantic." He brushed his hand onto the back of Matsuda's head and allowed his hands to feel the thick black hair. "Poor you," he whispered before gently kissing Matsuda's lips.

The tutor felt like a series of little explosions had been let off in his stomach. He sighed and settled down on top of Lawliet allowing the kiss to deepen by very tentatively opening his mouth so that Lawliet could begin to use his tongue.

"I don't understand," he heard Light mutter. "Do you want this or don't you?" Without waiting for an answer, Matsuda wasn't even sure who Light was talking to, Light's spirit mentally pushed down into Matsuda's body, taking complete control over it. Matsuda felt like it was both himself and Light kissing Lawliet together. "Oh Lawli," Light groaned heavily, "I can feel you...I can feel you again..."

Using Matsuda's hands, he stroked down Lawliets thighs and gently pulled his legs further apart. Lawliet shifted a little, his ankles still resolutely tied around Matsuda's back. Lawliet broke away from the kiss and whispered, "Light..." Matsuda felt like it was almost a question, but he didn't understand. Matsuda felt his hand reaching under himself and down Lawliet before gently brushing his backside. With aching slowness they pushed inside. Lawliet moaned wantonly and began to push down.

Matsuda began to struggle. He couldn't cope with it, it was too much! He-

"Let me take control for a bit," whispered Light. Matsuda willingly obeyed, and Light pulled his body up into a slightly different position. The tutor looked down on Lawliet, he was panting slightly, his tongue almost at his lips. His skin was flushed and hair was even more unruly than before. He looked stunning. The most shocking thing however, was the look of lust in the usually dead eyes.

"Is it me or Light he's looking at?" He wondered.

"Me of course," responded Kira spitefully, "you're just here for the ride. Enjoy your first time. It may well be your last also..."

"What?" Asked Matsuda, suddenly alarmed, but he was cut off by his own body pushing physically into Lawliet. He cried out. Lawliet was so tight and so, so hot! He had never experienced anything like it. He had to stop half way through pushing in, (much to Light's discontent,) because the feeling was too raw and too powerful.

"God you're such a prude," Kira admonished lightly as Matsuda gasped for breath. To his relief, Kira took over. Kira was, as Matsuda expected, very confident. He grinned down at Lawliet, who was panting so heavily and his face was so screwed up he looked as though he was going to die. He frowned at Kira, "I want the other one," he complained through heavy breaths, "not you."

"Liar," scowled Kira, but Matsuda felt that same strange sensation of the spirit pulling away slightly. When it returned, it no longer felt as repressive or as cruel.

Light took in Lawliets facial expression before pushing all the way in with one brutal thrust. Lawliet and Matsuda cried out. Light pulled out and pushed back in without warning, this time so hard that the headboard of the bed slammed into the wall. "Oh...agh...God..." gasped Lawliet beginning to push himself onto Matsuda, meeting every one of Light's hard thrusts.

"Please...em...hah... Don't..." Matsuda couldn't finish, not understanding what he wanted to say or the feelings he was undergoing. He could hear Lights shocking and lascivious thoughts inside him ('fuck...L...fuck yes... agh... harder... fuck... fuck... gotta fuck you... faster...agh ...") and he would have died from embarrassment had he not been so caught up in the moment himself.

The feeling of fucking Lawliet felt so amazing. It wasn't so much because it was Lawliet, but it was the actual act itself. It was so wild and so freeing. The sweat and the noises and the passion and the groans and the gasps; it was all so animalistic and base, but there was a kind of beauty in it as well. It was natural; it was what living things did. They fucked. Matsuda revelled in the fact that he was able to act completely on impulse. He threw his head back and growled as he sped up his thrusts into Lawliet. Lawliet was a tool, something he could use to work out all his stress and anxiety and repressed lust that had been building up and tightening in his abdomen for years and years.

He suddenly felt Light leaning his chin on his shoulder. Matsuda looked at him in confusion. Underneath him he was still rocking into Lawliet, but he realised it was just him not Light.

"Let's make this more interesting," Light smirked, unlike before it was not cruel, but it was seductive and a little sinister. Matsuda felt a jolt of excitement shoot down from his stomach into his penis.

Light pushed Matsuda down with a force that wasn't completely human so that Matsuda was on top of Lawliets body. He was no longer able to keep thrusting into Lawliet at such an angle; the man beneath him groaned in frustration, stirring Matsuda into action, sucking on his fingers as he had seen Lawliet do earlier, he pushed those inside Lawliet and mimicked the actions of earlier only this time he didn't need Light to do it for him; Matsuda wanted to do it and in the throes of pain and pleasure, all anxiety had been eroded away.

Lawliet groaned so wantonly Matsuda almost came. The paler man pushed himself down onto the fingers as Matsuda explored his insides. He brushed past one area that caused Lawliet to cry out and arch up.

Before he could analyse what exactly he had done to make Lawliet react in such a way, he felt something large, hot and damp pushing into his backside. He turned and stared at Light wide eyed. He was grinning, "don't worry," he mouthed, malevolence and sick glee shining in his beautiful brown eyes, "this isn't really happening."

And then he pushed, making Matsuda scream before biting Lawliets shoulder. Light gasped and groaned.

"Hm...nnn... nice... tight... virgin," he crowed brokenly.

Matsuda would have broken down into tears had Lawliet not begun to stroke his head comfortingly. "Shhh," the ghost hushed before kissing him gently. "Light can be gentle," the ghost said, though Matsuda wasn't sure how when both of them were kissing.

"Why has he said that anyway?" He wondered in his mind, "I'm not Light."

"Yes...right now you are," responded Lawliet, presumably telepathically.

Light slammed back into Matsuda, making him bite Lawliets lip viciously. Light laughed and began to make a steady pace. The pain began to subside and Matsuda became aware that he was rubbing against Lawliet. He sighed and nuzzled into Lawliets hair. It was odd because Lawliet didn't smell of anything. But Matsuda could certainly feel him. Sighing himself Lawliet began to rub against Matsuda, going in opposite motion to Lights thrusts. Matsuda nearly screamed when Lawliets penis brushed against his own. The feeling was like electric shooting through his body. He felt himself getting even hotter and harder with the twin sensations of Light inside him and Lawliet against him.

"Oh my God," he whispered, water gathering at his eyes, "oh my God." He brushed his hands down Lawliets body before stroking them up Lights. Both men hummed and sighed in pleasure. Matsuda began to push back down on Light whilst gripping Lawliets hips and lifting them slightly to keep them rubbing against his own.

Everything was in control and at a steady, blissful pace when Light suddenly hit Matsuda's prostrate causing the man to shout out and fall heavily on top of Lawliet. Lawliet allowed himself small smile as Light began to hit the same place over and over, strangely enough causing both men to groan and move at the same time.

"Oh good boy," grinned Light patronisingly to Matsuda, who would have been angry if he wasn't so happy at that moment. "F-fuck...good boy boy ah...I...I love you...Lawli-"

He suddenly cried out and Matsuda felt something hot shooting into him. Simultaneously he and Lawliet cried out. Matsuda's eyes were tightly closed as he felt a rush of adrenaline and endorphins crowding through his senses. It felt like everything was shaking, like an earthquake. He could hear rumbling. As his euphoria faded somewhat he opened his eyes. Thousands of apples littered across the room. When the men had come to completion, there had been an explosion of red apples. Without even thinking to question the bizarreness of what had happened they all collapsed in top of one another just as the red rays of dawn began to seep through the windows.

"Thank you," whispered Lawliet in a breathy, ghostly voice that seemed to be fading away, "thank you for bringing Light back as well as..."

Matsuda didn't understand but was too tired to ask what the ghost meant.

When Matsuda awoke a few hours later he was fully dressed in his night clothes and completely alone in his bed. His underwear, however, was very wet and very sticky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know...not good.
> 
> ON the plus side, I up-loaded this story on Deviant Art and one reader said she couldn't carry on reading it because it's too scary. Is it wrong that I am so proud of that?


	22. Memories that hurt

Matsuda stayed in bed all that morning, claiming he felt ill. Watari was sympathetic, believing the shock of the night before had no doubt affected him and Mello, who was also being confined to bed.

Matsuda had felt a little fretful about Mello staying in bed, considering his ranting the night previous of how much he hated being cooped up all day.

"Let Mello go outside this afternoon," he had informed a surprised Watari, "if he wishes that is. He and Matt, as long as they stay together and don't go too far...as long as they stay in sight of you...do you understand?"

"Of course Sir," Watari responded in a tone that suggested he did not like being patronised, "but may I ask why you are happy for them to be outside now? For so many days you have kept them in-"

"For their studies yes," Matsuda interrupted impatiently. "Let's not forget Watari, that Mello has been expelled from his school, for reasons he still has not owned up for, despite the fact that it has nearly been two months. We need to keep his education up. We can't have him apply for a new school in September and fail the entrance test can we? What kind of tutor would that make me?"

"But keeping in Matt as well?"

"The boys never do anything separate," Matsuda glanced away. He took a fresh cup of tea Watari had bought up from off his coffee table. "Just do as I ask please Watari, to the very letter."

The tea had now gone cold and was mostly untouched. Matsuda felt blank. Maybe he was in shock. What had they done to him last night? It certainly had not been consensual. Had they...raped him? Was it even possible? He had checked himself s soon as he had woken that morning. Other than the shame of his nightly emission there were no other signs of sexual activity. And the more he thought about it, the more he realised that he hadn't felt or even witnessed that much the previous night. He had felt waves of pleasure, but they had been distant and not his own. The ghosts had used his body, soaking up his senses for themselves, so that what he felt was a distant echo of their own feelings and emotions.

It made him feel used and foolish for thinking he had enjoyed it or, in some way, had chosen to lose his virginity.

In the cold light of day he reprimanded himself. He was still a virgin. He was still uncertain about how sex worked, especially between two males, because much of the activity the previous night had been hidden from him. He had received the equivalents of snap shots of sex. He was still a virgin, still naive and he had been used. Even by L, whom he had felt some kinship to.

"They're selfish creatures," he thought, "they think of their own pleasures and dilemma's over everyone else's; even the boys and mine." He frowned. "They need to be gotten rid of."

He cast his mind back to his father, who used to engage in exorcisms. They were uncommon and terrifying.

Matsuda eased out of the bed, feeling stiff and tired, and walked over to the window. His reflection showed that he was becoming quite pale, heavy black rings hung under his eyes from lack of sleep, and his hair, still too long, was in complete disarray.

He ignored the disconcerting image of himself and distracted himself momentarily with thoughts on the weather. September was coming on fast, already the blackberries were darkening and the days were becoming grey and dull. The crows were cawing loudly, black feathered fiends flying across the landscape like ominous omens of things to come. Matsuda had begun writing letters to schools, asking if there were places free. He doubted he would get Mello into one as prestigious as his previous school. But that was hardly Matsuda's fault now was it?

He touched the glass with his finger tips. Would he follow his father's advice on exorcisms? He remembered how they were done. The memories of screaming victims thrashing and writhing on the floor as his father cried out texts from the Holy book were forever burned into his consciousness. "Dare I follow my father's lead on anything? I have so far and to what avail? The boys have become remote. They no longer understand me and they resent the restrictions I put on them. Besides, what kind of father was he? He killed my friend, treated me like an animal and terrified me all my childhood." Matsuda felt his eyes burning. "But do I want to follow the advice of the hedonistic spirits who used me so abominably last night either? I don't think I can do this alone...I haven't the confidence or the brains. But who do I turn to? The people here are all snakes, I daren't ask them."

He rubbed his arms suddenly and viciously. He felt so dirty, like a layer of fine dust had settled across his clammy skin.

Then he saw them, Mello and Matt, running about outside. His grit his teeth together. He no longer felt the same warm love towards them, he couldn't. They lied to him. They kept secrets. Had they been laughing at him all this time? His heart burnt at the thought of such a betrayal. But one emotion that burnt harder was that of protection. He needed to save them from whatever evil the spirits were making them do. Matt was more or less ok for the moment but Mello...there was definitely something going on with Mello. L had known it, he had known more than Matsuda of that he was certain. But L had let his love, affection, desire for Light over take his fears for Mello.

"Well you come first to me Mello," he whispered moving his hand on the glass to where Mello was. I'll do anything to protect you, I'd even die."

He looked over into the distance, to where the boys were heading. It was towards the orchards, where the apple trees grew. Red, juicy apples could be seen from where Matsuda stood. He scowled at the ruby spheres, they reminded him of the night before and even now his room stank of the sickly sweet juice of Applegate apples.

Light loved apples...especially the ones from here.

Matsuda whimpered and clutched each side of his head, twisting the over long black hair in his fists.

"Go away!" He cried softly, "I hate that I know such things all because...I hate knowing anything personal about you people! It makes me sick!"

He sunk to the ground, tears beginning to fall. He hated Applegate. He hated England. And he hated that he had nowhere to go back to. He never had a home; his father had seen to that. Ever since The Incident with Aiber he had been mistreated and hated. He couldn't go back to that farm, knowing the things those people did, knowing the murder they committed, knowing that a blond boy was buried somewhere in those great fields without even a headstone to mark his death.

Suddenly the room seemed too bright and too large. Matsuda literally dragged himself over to the wardrobe and climbed in, shutting the doors behind him. In the dark he dry heaved. His father used to do this to hi all the time as punishment. Should he speak out of turn, give the wrong look, or forget an instruction- the only things he ever really did wrong- then he would be dragged, screaming and weeping, into any available wardrobe or closet or basement or, worst of all the little shed he had been locked in the night of Aiber's death, to sit and think of his sins. It had been terrifying, being a small boy and locked in the dark for unknowable amounts of time. He would sit in the shadows, wishing he was dead, listening to himself cry and beg to no avail. He even wet himself a number of times, which caused only further ire from his disgusted father.

He was so wrapped up in his dark memories that he did not hear the knocking on his door, now someone entering and calling his name. Matsuda was only bought back to reality when the wardrobe doors were opened and Watari fall back with a cry.

"Mr Touta!" The butler shouted in horror, "Matsuda, what...what?"

Matsuda raised his head and looked deep into Watari's eyes.

He saw his reflection in them...only it wasn't him.

Reflected in Watari's wide and horrified eyes was the dead man Lawliet.

Matsuda couldn't even scream. He just bowed his head and wept.

After some time, Watari inched forward and slowly put his hand on the younger man's head by way of comfort.


	23. Descent into Insanity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter Matsuda is comparing heterosexual relationships to homosexual ones, and he thinks of heterosexual relationships as 'normal'. This isn't a slip up showing my secret feelings, it's just that this is how Matsuda feels about them. In the 1930's hetero was normal where homo was abnormal.

Suddenly Matsuda's head snapped up. "Where are the boys?"

"Playing outside," said Watari in a soothing voice. Matsuda began to scramble to his feet whilst crying out, "I told you not to leave them alone Watari! Why can't you follow instructions?"

"What? You cannot leave...Matsuda you are still in your nightclothes! You're shoes Matsuda!"

The tutor ran deafly down the stairs, thinking the whole time, "I saw them both together, heading towards the apple groves!"

Outside the wind blew hard against his back. The approach of September dragged along with it grey skies and cold winter gusts. Summer was over. Matsuda shivered, ignoring the squelching of damp grass on his bare feet. All he focused on were the up-coming groves. It wouldn't be too hard to find them.

He heard Mello before he saw him. When he recognised the low, boyish tone Matsuda immediately schooled his breathing and lowered his body, sneaking up on them, though he hadn't planned to. As he got closer he heard snatches of their conversation.

"...you know the work needs to be done...we'll just have to keep him occupied...doesn't understand anyway...it's our duty..."

"But I don't want to...can't you just stop? It's not like you have to...But Matsuda...What if someone good gets hurt?..."

He saw them in the distance, Mello was wearing an attire of all black, a habit he only recently began to engage with. Matt had evidently dressed himself that morning, because he was wearing an array of violently clashing colours and patterns. From his distance, Matsuda could see that Matt was unhappy. Mello's back faced him, so he could not tell how the older boy was feeling.

"Just take it, please," Mello was begging holding something out in front of him.

"No!" Matt wailed backing away, "I'm sorry Mello but I hate it! I couldn't use it before, I just couldn't!"

"Keep your voice down, for God's sake!"

"I'm sorry," Matt sniffled, "I don't like Ryuuk. He yells at me for apples and scares me at night. I don't want any papers."

"But I can't do this alone." Mello sighed heavily, "I can't believe how selfish you are."

"It's not selfish! I don't want to be Kira and you don't have to be either. You...you are changing Mello." Matt launched himself forward and grabbed hold of his elder sibling, "can't we just be normal? Me, you and Matsuda, we could be a family!"

"Matsuda is no relative of mine! He's an idiot and annoying." Mello's voice took on a cruel tone and Matt immediately backed away. Matsuda felt a vague stabbing in his stomach and a cruel voice inside told him that this was what he had known all along; that he was never truly liked, at least not by Mello.

"You were never like this before, before he came along...I hate you now!" Matt suddenly roared. "I hate you!"

A flock of crows rose from the tree branches in frightened flight and Matsuda ran to where the boys were. Mello had leapt upon Matt and was hitting him viciously.

Matsuda pulled him off. "Stop it Mello! What's wrong with you?" He turned the boy around so that they faced each other. Matsuda blanched when he saw Mello's eyes had a reddish tint to them. He began to shake the boy, "what is wrong with you? What is wrong?"

Matt ran to Matsuda and began pulling at him in an attempt to liberate his brother, but to no avail; Matsuda was too large and didn't even notice the younger boy because all his thoughts were focused on Mello.

Suddenly the tutor was roughly pulled backwards. Mello was torn from him grip.

Matsuda looked up to see a flustered, red-faced Watari. "What are you doing Mr. Touta?" The butler roared.

Matsuda scrambled to his feet, feeling a little like a naughty school boy. "They were fighting," he recounted, "Mello was hitting Matt."

To Matsuda's frustration Watari turned to the boys and asked them if what he had been told was true. Matsuda crossed his arms. He was the one in charge! Watari was completely undermining his authority! The thoughts of outrage trickled away however, when he realised the boys had not immediately answered. He stared at them

"Well, boys," he started, "tell Mr. Watari the truth! Mello you were hitting Matt, you were both arguing."

Matt looked from adult to adult before saying, "Mr. Touta is lying." Matsuda felt his face turn pale. "Matsuda was the one who hit me."

Matt wouldn't even look at his shell shocked tutor. Instead he ran to Watari and buried his head into the man's stomach. "I don't want him around anymore!" He was crying, "please send him away from here. Far away!"

Rain began to fall and Matsuda's torn and weary heart was ripped open one last time.

He fell to his knees, he had failed!

"N-no, Matt why are you doing this to me?" he felt tears falling down his face, Matt wouldn't look at him so he turned to an ashen Mello, "why are you both so cruel to me?" He begged, "what did I do wrong? I tried so hard! I was just trying to save you, that's all I've been doing all this time. How could you lie like this? I'll be ruined...and you will not be safe. Tell the truth! Tell the truth!"

Watari gently placed a hand on his shoulder, "Matsuda I think..."

"No!" Matsuda pulled away his shoulder, "no! You can't send me away! I didn't hit them! I would never hurt a child! It's your fault!" Matsuda stood up, "you and Misa! You didn't see! You didn't watch them enough but I have and I know now! I know!" He looked down at Matt, "is that why you want me to be sent far away? Or am I the 'he' that has changed Mello for the worst? What did I do to make you hate me? Answer me Matt!"

"That is enough Mr Touta! Please, return to the house. You will not be sent away, we cannot do that without Miss Misa's permission. But I think it might be a good idea for Matt to leave for a while."

Matt looked up in shock, opening and closing his mouth silently like a fish trying to breath out of water. Mello however found his voice quickly and began to argue back. Matsuda was pushed by Watari, and so began to slowly walk away.

He could hear Watari trying to calm Mello down; "You will be leaving soon for school, Mello, it'll be fine...you'll both be fine then..."

"If they both leave," Matsuda reasoned, "then at least they will not have the spirit of Kira leading them into wickedness. I will be ruined though...I probably already am." Tears were drying on his shell shocked face as he re-entered the building. He took one last look back at the groves. None of them had left yet. They were probably waiting for him to be gone. "Mello will still be under the influence." Matsuda suddenly realised, "he was expelled from school and was strange even when we first met him at the train station. I need to find out why he was expelled. If he was expelled for something normal, then maybe he will be fine, but if something strange happened, then he must be under the influence even far away. What links everything together? What is a current theme? What stands out?"

Matsuda crashed into his bedroom, closed and locked the door behind him, "I need to write down a list... a list of all the links..." he began searching in his desk drawers, "there's the games the children play...possession...Kira...Light..duality... sex and lies..." he grabbed some papers out of the drawer and paused.

"Paper," he whispered out loud. With a hypnotised expression and dream-like slowness he got to his knees and pulled a box out of under his bed. Inside the box was the list of names Kira had written.

"Paper...notebooks... Light or rather Kira, wrote the names of all his victims on this paper. And Mello...Mello has a notebook. One I am never to read. And he has given some paper to Matt before, probably when we were in the car coming back from the station. Mello had handed Matt something which Matt hid under his shirt. And now Mello is trying to give him more, but Matt will not comply." He scowled at the list of victims, their unfortunate deaths written with a smooth and callous hand. "It was after touching these that I saw that demon. It is all connected I am sure. I will get the notebook tonight and, if I can, I will summon the demon to me. But then what?"

xxXXXxx

"So I think it would be a good idea if Matt went to the City Hospital for just a few days."

"Of course."

"It isn't a reflection on you in any way. It's just for the best until he is feeling better again. It isn't healthy, a boy saying he can see things and being covered in bruises...ones you didn't make, I'm sure."

"No."

"No. No, of course you wouldn't. And you shaking Mello, while not completely appropriate, was probably for a reason."

"Yes."

"So we are agreed that Matt should be allowed to leave for a few weeks?"

"Of course."

"Matt can go? You will allow this?"

"Yes."

"Right. Ahem. Well good. Excellent, Mr Touta. I shall go down with young Matt first thing tomorrow morning. Will you be alright with Mello?"

"Of course."

"Very well. There will be other people here, just in case you are feeling unwell or...or unable in any way," there was another tense pause. "Sir, are you quite well? Are- are you happy?"

From the confines of his bed, Matsuda looked up at Watari, his eyes wide and dark, his expression void of all emotion, "of course."

Watari looked afraid and almost sick with anxiety. "Well, if you don't mind me saying sir, you seem rather unwell. Maybe you should remain in bed for the rest of the day. Shall I call a doctor for you?"

"No thank you," Matsuda forced a smile on his face. "Thank you for watching over the boys while I am incapacitated. What will you do with them this afternoon?"

"I thought I could maybe take them for a fishing trip out by Applegates lake. Unless you would like them to do some studies you have prepared?"

"No, it's the last of the holidays. They should enjoy it."

Watari stood awkwardly for a moment, as if wondering if he should ask, before he sat down on the chair next to Matsuda's bed. "Sir, has Mello been accepted into any other school?"

Matsuda could hear the accusation in Watari's voice. He wanted to know if Matsuda had actually been looking for schools for Mello to join. For some reason Watari seemed to think that Matsuda wanted to trap the children in the house with him at all times. Granted Matsuda had kept them in the house under his almost constant surveillance ever since the Kira Chase/ The Fraternal Kiss. And Matsuda had little time in between watching over the boys, giving them lessons, arranging lesson plans and dealing with psychotic spirits of the underworld.

However he had, in the evenings, been calling and writing different schools trying to get Mello a place. The Amane's good name, however, meant nothing because no one wanted a child who had been expelled for 'unknown' reasons.

"Nowhere reputable is willing to take him on unless they know what he did to get expelled," Matsuda replied coldly. "So, out of desperation, I lied. I told a local private school you may know, To-oh secondary school, that he had been caught vandalising a boys toilet. I meet the Head Master, a Mr Mason, next week." Matsuda looked away, his jaw clenched.

"I thank you sir," murmured Watari, "I understand that it must have been unpleasant to lie, but it is better than causing problems for the family. At least now Mello will, at worst, be seen as a bit of a tearaway" he chuckled slightly, not noticing Matsuda wince in response. "But he can rectify that with good behaviour at his new school. Afternoon, Matsuda."

He turned to leave when Matsuda suddenly announced, "I never used to lie you know."

"Sir?"

Matsuda looked him in the eye, "I never used to lie. My father was very clear about the sins in the bible. He- he used to lock me up sometimes, in dark small places like cupboards and wardrobes. He did it so that I would learn what hell would feel like, dark and alone and separate from light and goodness and God. I have never lied until I came to this place." A terse and bitter smile, "Applegate has corrupted me, just like it does everyone else."

Watari stood for a moment, his mouth slightly open but he couldn't think of anything to say in response. So instead he bowed and left.

After the Butler had left, Matsuda sat some time in front of his vanity mirror. He never would have had one of these at home (well, back in America, Matsuda never really felt at 'home' anywhere.) It wasn't his style. And in the time he had been in England he had largely avoided it. Matsuda didn't have high self esteem and he found it easier to stay away from mirrors.

However that afternoon, as evening slowly began to approach, he found himself staring at his reflection. His hair now reached his shoulders, it was thick and black and curling at the ends. His fringe hit the top of his eyes, which were haunted and desolate, exhausted from constant frights. Heavy bags were under his eyes, testifying his lack of peaceful sleep in the last few months. His skin was unhealthy and sallow, despite the amount of sun it received earlier that month. Matsuda was ill and shattered. His hair was ruffled and messy. He was still in his night clothes, which themselves were bedraggled and loose.

What had he become?

He had let his hair grow because the boys liked it that way.

"Don't cut your hair. In fact, let it grow a bit longer...You would look more like Lawliet that way."

No, they had liked Lawliets hair. Matsuda was nothing but a cheap substitute who, evidently, they had gotten bored of and now wanted out of the house. His eyes welled up with tears. He was being rejected again.

Mello chuckling in a voice too baritone for his own, "don't be scared," he had said while stroking Matsuda's hair and down the side of his face."You should definitely let your hair get a little wilder...you aren't as striking but you do have his boyish charm."

"Had it been Light that time in the car, possessing Mello and making him say those things? He meant that I was not as striking as Lawliet. So last night...they really had just used my body. The spirits of Light and Lawliet were using me as nothing but an inadequate substitute."

No one loved him. No one even genuinely liked him. He was disdained by Watari and the other staff. The people of the village viewed him with distrust. Misa patronised and manipulated him. Even Lawliet had just used him...

"I am...losing my mind," he despaired placing his head on the desk. "I don't have long before...before they take me away or something bad happens." Flashes of the erotica that happened to him the night before flashed through his mind unbidden and unwanted.

He gulped trying to quell the stirrings in his pyjama bottoms. "I can't allow myself to be aroused. I still don't understand how I feel about yesterday night. They used my body to feel again. It was selfish of them. Yet...yet what they felt was so powerful and pure."

He looked back up at himself in the mirror. "Did they love each other?" he asked his reflection, "did they really? Because somewhere in all the...breaths and profanity and sweat, there was something pure. Even Light..." he frowned and turned away from the mirror and looked back on the bed. "There was something strange about him. He and Kira are two different entities. They seem to co-exist. It wasn't that they were vastly different but...but it was more like a Jekyll and Hyde situation. Light and Kira were two sides of one coin. Both are attracted to Lawliet but Lawliet was only interested in Light."

"Why did they show me that love? No...why did Lawliet show me that love? I'm not even sure Kira or Light were fully cognizant. Lawliet didn't love Kira, and while only Kira was there, he wasn't paying attention and I was able to leave mentally.

"I was crushed back into the situation as soon as Light appeared. I was forced into feeling what they did." He rubbed his arms again, remembering the feeling of electric shooting through him. "Lawliet wanted me to feel love. He was trying to prove something me, the fact that he and Light were genuinely attracted to one another, perhaps? Or, basing my hypothesis on what he said, he simply wanted me to...to accept how I feel about other men; to know that the feelings of love between members of the same sex are as powerful and real as normal relationships. That I could have shared that kind of love with A-" he stopped, his heart feeling so broken.

Why did he have to remember all of that? Part iof him wanted to drown the memories away back into the dark unconsciousness. But now he couldn't allow himself to forget again, it seemed too cruel to Aiber to just leave his memory back in the recesses of his mind. For a short time, Aiber had made matsuda genuinely happy. Aiber deserved much better than to be forgotten.

"I could have been in love," he whispered, looking down at his feet, "and someone could have loved me. Truly. But they didn't allow it just because of their stupid rules governed by hatred. I don't care! I don't care! Light and Lawliet were in love, true love, they weren't evil, or sinister or perverted. The love they had was probably the most positive thing about them; it's certainly the only positive thing they've left behind. Other than their love, everything else is broken; broken families, broken children and dead women. Kira was destroying them. What is Kira?"

He stood and stumbled over to his bed, crawling onto it and feeling the rich sheets and heavy quilt.

"Today Mello's eyes seemed to be going red, like Kira. Matt complained that he was different. It wasn't possession, not exactly. I know now when possession happens, it is obvious. Everything is affected. But no...this is something more insidious." He sat up in surprise. "Whatever Light did, and whatever Mello is doing, it's changing them. It's corrupting them." What could the thing corrupting them be?

"It must have something to do with that demon, it only makes sense. Maybe the demon is controlling them, making them right the names of victims then killing them. I need to defeat the demon in order to release Mello. To get the demon, I need the notebook." He looked at the clock on his desk. It was just gone five. The boys would be finishing outside soon, and then they would come in for six O'clock Supper.

Now was the time.


	24. Religious guidance

Carefully Matsuda opened the door to Mello's room. The sickly sweet smell of apples made him wrinkle his nose. Mello's room was very tidy for a young boy; for some reason Matsuda found this suspicious; Mello was wild and rough, it seemed out of character to have such a neat room.

Looking under the bed he found a box with a number of apples inside it. This was odd, but nothing that he could use to prove Mello was naughty. But then Matsuda remembered how the boy mimicked his hero Light and so he began to search across the tops of the wardrobe. Sure enough, after a moment or two, he hit upon a little book. Pulling it down he saw it was a simple black and very non-threatening notebook.

However, it was what its title read that disturbed him.

DEATH NOTE

Matsuda shuddered and pulled out the list of murdered women from his pocket. The paper inside the notebook and the paper the list was written on was the same. This book had been Kira's, then it became Mello's and now Mello was handing papers to Matt. "I've come across a adoptive family of murderers," he thought to himself. Light was daddy, L was an impotent and reliant mommy, Mello was the forceful big brother and Matt was the obedient little brother.

Matsuda put the notebook and the papers into a little brown satchel from his university days, and continued down the hall towards Matt's room. This bedroom was decidedly messier than Mello's. Clothes were strewn across the floor and mismatched toys and bright childish paintings hung across the walls. Matsuda smiled a little, (Matt was adorable,) before remembering what had happened that day. The smile quickly vanished. Hurrying, he searched through the clothes and under the bed and on top of the wardrobe before finding the papers hidden inside the bottom of it.

The hiding places the boys had chosen for the death note papers were very telling; Mello mimicked Kira, Matt mimicked Lawliet. Matsuda gulped down fear as he imagined first L curled up in the bottom of his wardrobe and then poor Matt dead in the same way; face pale, traces of vomit down his mouth, dark hair hanging over pale eyelids.

The tutor shook his head and examined the papers. They were clear of any writing causing Matsuda to sigh in relief; Matt hadn't been planning anyone's death yet.

Suddenly feeling like someone was watching him, he anxiously placed those papers in his satchel as well before sneaking slowly downstairs, watching out for any servants.

He could hear Mello talking to Watari. The dining room door was open just a little, revealing them inside. Matt was silently eating, but Mello was as pleasant and charming as ever. "What a facade!" thought Matsuda bitterly. He suddenly decided that Mello was a thug- a cretin who got angry and hit his brother. But then, Mello was damaged by Kira. Matsuda lowered his eyes, feeling guilty of his angry thoughts towards the child. Unbidden, Light's remarks remerged in his mind:

"You should also know that, despite all the sly remarks and hints, I am not a paedophile."

"You're worse."

"I understand now," Matsuda whispered, assuming the spirit of Lawliet could hear him, "Light did not abuse either of the boys sexually as I had first feared. But he was training Mello to act as a second Kira persona. He was training him to be pleasant and charming on the outside, but violent and murderous in secret. How awful."

He continued down the stairs and into the hallway. On the side he noticed several letters waiting to go out to the post the following morning. He saw one was to be sent to Misa. He took the letter and snuck outside.

It was already dark, even though it was only half past seven; another sign of approaching winter. Before going to Mello's room, Matsuda had put on socks, shoes and a coat, but he was still in his pyjamas. He pulled his coat tightly around him to stave off the chill before walking quickly down the dirt path that was a short cut to the church. He hated being out in the dark. He had noticed that the spirits and monsters were most active in the shadowy evenings.

He kept his eyes on the path, ignoring the shadows of the trees or the rustling of creatures that ran in the dark, hunting and killing. He stopped once, when a fox's shrill cry rang out. He gulped and went on, practically running. If Matsuda had looked up, he would have seen the shadow of a large, long-limbed and winged creature flying on after him.

He beat upon the door of the church. Rain was beginning to fall. He still had an uneasy feeling of being watched. After several minutes the priest opened the door looking torn between concerned for a member of his congregation and annoyed at being interrupted during such a terrible night and at such a late hour.

"Mr...Touta was it?"

"Yes..."

"Please come inside, my gosh." The Priest looked up at the downpour with some confusion as Matsuda bumbled into the church. "It is coming down now," the priest faced Matsuda jovially, "strange how the weather just turned like that. Are you alright Sir? you look most upset."

"I need to show you these things," the tutor took out the Death Note and showed it to the priest. In turn the theist read them through and turned quite pale.

"Th-these are..."

"All the women who died, yes. I believe Kira wrote down their names."

"Well," he wiped his now sweating top lip nervously, "we'll have to give this in to the police. This is evidence of murder I expect, or at least of a sick mind who enjoyed writing the details of their deaths."

Matsuda shook his head, his eyes wide and still shaking from cold and fear, "it's worse than that. Please, please listen to me and don't think I'm insane! I think that young Master Mello is following the example of Kira. He was trained to be like Kira, to seem sweet and kind and charming, but he isn't! I am frightened for his soul, and concerned for the safety of his brother Mathew! What do I do? Everyone in the house thinks I'm nuts."

"Why would they think this?" The Priest was alarmed, "Mr Touta? Matsuda, why would they think such a thing? Have you given them cause?"

Matsuda grabbed the shirt of the priest, a wild look in his eyes, "it's not my fault!" He gasped, "I'm so dumb I mess up all the time and look crazy and nobody ever takes me seriously, but I'm not wrong. There are bad things in Applegate. There are demons, I am certain. I have seen the ghosts of Light and Lawliet. I know they were lovers. I know Lawliet killed himself and then the spirit of Lawliet pushed Light down the stairs, killing him also. He wanted to stop Kira. But Kira keeps going, through Mello."

"Since Light Yagami's death there have been no more suspicious deaths."

"There doesn't have to be, you've seen the list. They mark down heart attacks and accidents."

"Like I say," the priest attempted to sooth the younger man, sitting him down in a pew, " it is a nasty an somewhat disturbed mind marks down these deaths, but it doesn't mean that this individual has actually caused the deaths. How could such a thing be? It isn't possible."

Matsuda gulped but did not argue, "after I found the lists of the dead," he began again, "I saw something even more terrifying than the ghosts of Lawliet or Light. I saw a monster. A being with large, bat like wings." He fell forwards, his head in his hands, feeling ill as he recounted his terrifying vision. "It made a strange sound, almost like a chuckle or giggle. It had a vaguely human form, but was large, thin and twisted. It had large sharp teeth and it...it was grinning."

The Priest leapt out of his seat beside Matsuda and began to pace. Matsuda stared in wonder.

"I have heard of this creature," said the priest at length. He looked at Matsuda, doubt and fear in his eyes, "someone else already had seen the beast and came to me. I thought she was insane or somehow involved in witchcraft..."

"Sayu Yagami."

"Yes, my God please forgive me," he made the sign of the cross. "I judged her too harshly. We all thought she must have been communicating with demons in order to see such terrible things. What with her brother's wild ways, and the family being so successful...it was too suspicious. Lord forgive me, did I judge her wrong?" He made the sign again before looking down at Matsuda, "And now you come to me. I thought you too were mad but...but this is too much of a coincidence. Something is wrong with Applegate. First the foreigner, then Sayu and now you, none of you have reason to hate Applegate itself, so you are not just trying to defame it. And it can't be due to you being foreign, as I thought with Lawliet, because Sayu was English and part of this Parish."

"What do we do? I need religious guidance! They're souls are at stake! Souls of children!"

"And so are ours I am certain!" The Priest grabbed the Death Note from off his old seat, "we burn the books, what else can we do? We burn them and then make sure that Master Matt and Master Mello are sent far away from Applegate!"

Together the men grabbed the papers and hastened to a where many candles were lit for the souls of the dead. Grabbing one the Priest began to burn one of the papers. "The entire book needs to be destroyed." He ordered Matsuda, who took out the book and was just about the set fire to it with a candle when-

SMAAASHH!

Every single window in the church shattered inwards. Both men fell to the floor instinctively as shards of painted glass rained down upon them. The wind blew hard and loud, snuffing out the tender lives of the small candle flames.

"The creature!" screamed Matsuda, looking up in fear and dread, "it's here! It's here!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I am begging you, BEGGING you for some feedback. Please, a kudos and comment, anything.


	25. Showdown

The obscene thing grinned down at them; its teeth were razor sharp and too large, like that of a shark or a piranha.

The Priest began to weep, making the sign of the cross. "It is a demon," Matsuda heard him sobbing, "dear God no...it is a demon!"

"I'm no demon," the thing said. It seemed impossible for a creature so deformed to be able to speak normally and in Standard English. "I am Death." It landed gracefully on the ground and began to shuffle over to them, it's body contorted and strange, "'I'm sort of like a Grim Reaper, hyuk, hyuk, hyuk..."

It took out and opened its own Death Note. Matsuda grit his teeth and got to his feet; no way was he dying shivering and fearful on the floor!

"So that thing," he called out, "it belongs to you? How did two little boys get one?"

"Kira gave it to them."

"And who gave it to Kira?"

"I did."

"Why?" breathed Matsuda, frowning. The thing was close to them now, close enough for them to see it was pale like a corpse, and that it smelled slightly rancid, and that its clothes were black leather and covered in chains.

"I was bored," the thing twisted its head to the side unnecessarily; "I wanted something to happen, I have been alive for eternity and nothing interesting ever happens to ones like me. One day I decided to make something happen. I had a spare Death Note, so what better than to drop it on earth, ready for any human to pick it up?

"Light was great. Just the right amount of crazy for this," it lifted its Death Note slightly, "to completely push him over the edge. I was prepared for more boredom to resume once more after he died," the grin widened, "but things actually got better! I love it! Hyuk hyuk hyuk! Watching all you go crazy and killing yourselves, I never knew how strange humans were; how easily broken."

"I won't let you destroy the boys!" Matsuda yelled at the monstrosity.

"They're already doomed," the creature shrugged, "Mello uses the Note and Matt will soon enough, he is already tempted by the power and he wants to impress his older brother. He chose Mello over you, don't forget. He loves Mello and will follow his ideals over the one's you have tried to force them to follow." Matsuda gulped and looked down slightly. He felt remorse and regret, in his fear and anxiety he had become something like his father, stern and cruel and demanding. He had pushed Matt and Mello away from him.

"I like the boys" continued the creature in a conversational manner, "because they get me all the apples I want. I'm gonna stay at Applegate, eating fresh red apples because they are the best and watching Mello and Matt growing up and watching them using the Death Notes. I'll watch them pass on the power of Kira," it giggled, as if this term was amusing to it, "to other people, then them passing it to others and then on to even more. It's gonna be fun!"

Matsuda shook his head in outrage, "I'd rather see them die than become like Kira, at least then their spirits will be pure and they can go to heaven."

The creature chuckled and gestured to the Death Notes in his hand, "if that is how you feel, then maybe you should write their names down in this. Also, I hate to tell you, but as a creature of death, I can say with some certainty that I have seen no evidence of Heaven. All spirits go to Mu. In your tongue, that means Nothingness. You just are gone. All go the same way, evil man and great man." It cocked its head to the side, "though, for some reason, the last few human Death Note users have gotten trapped here on earth. Their trapped spirits get pretty angry," it laughed in a hacking, disgusting manner, "but they get creative with their anger. They use it to doom the living."

"I will never stop believing and hoping in Heaven," muttered Matsuda through clenched teeth. He looked up at the monster which so abhorrently stood in a church under the eyes of the saints, "if things such as you exist, then there must be Good in the universe as well! There must be something worth fighting for! Why are you here," he stepped forward, "standing in a house of God? Devil you should leave this Holy Place!"

"I stand here because I can." Answered the monster reasonably, "This isn't a Holy, whatever that term is supposed to mean. This is a building, not really all that different from the ones in the village or Applegate itself. I can go anywhere. I'm not a devil and I'm not evil. I just am. As for why I am here, only to tell you the truth; Mello is already doomed to stay on Earth as an angry and bitter spirit. And there is no better place waiting for Matt or you. There is only Nothingness. Even if you burn my Death Note, it is only a spare, I will still live, and the boys will still hate you. You already failed; you never had a chance of winning.

"Goodbye, for now, Matsuda. It was fun watching you going slowly insane while trying in vain to save creatures that cannot be saved. I shall see you on the other side, no doubt. Good luck against Kira."

It raised its wings dramatically before pushing them back down, lifting itself up before it vanished in a flash of blue light that, even in the absence of the monster, for some time continued to crackle around the church like lightening. The church pews were thrown the edges of the walls, all the remaining stained glass windows shattered, the statues of various saints crumbled and all the flames of the holy candles were blown out.

The men breathed heavily, slowly unfurling out of themselves and looking out at the debris and chaos the monster had left in its wake. "Good luck with Kira?" repeated Matsuda, "what did it mean by that?" He turned and looked at the Priest. The whites of the man's eyes surrounded his irises and his pupils were overblown in fear.

Shakily the Priest got to his feet, "you need to leave," he began, but Matsuda shook his head.

"I'm sorry about that," he protested, "I never knew the monster would manifest itself here, I thought this was a safe place..."

"Leave this place!" A note of hysteria coloured the Priest's cry, "and take that damned book with you!"

Matsuda was about to argue that he needed someone to help him, but stopped himself. The Priest was in no position to help anyone, he was too scared. Matsuda, whilst gripping tightly the Death Note, wondered if he had looked as frightened and as dishevelled as the Priest during the last few months. "If I did then I am not surprised they all think I'm mad," he thought, leaving the ruined church and walking hurriedly back to Applegate.

The wind had died down and the rain was now no more than a consistent and miserable shower. Walking down the muddy path was hard, and Matsuda felt his skin going too warm; he was getting sick again.

"No matter," he thought miserably, "as long as I can commit this final act, none of that matters. I am ruined, ruined beyond repair; all I can do is save what I can." He tried to forget the taunts of the monster that all was already lost.

When he entered Applegate he leant against the front door, exhausted, soaking wet and covered in heavy mud. Watari, a couple of female servants and Matt walked out of into the hall with packed suitcases. The women were helping them put on their scarves and hats. It took a little while but eventually they noticed Matsuda standing in the partial shadow of the Manor's entrance way.

"Mr Touta...?" muttered the butler.

"I went for a walk," Matsuda answered the unasked question.

"You shall make yourself more ill sir!"

Matsuda ignored Watari's disapproval and instead looked down at Matt, who looked frightened and confused. "Good bye Matthew."

"Goodbye Mr Touta," responded the youth just as stiffly.

Matsuda glanced away from the child, feeling foolish. How was it possible that a small boy managed to make him feel so betrayed and so hurt?

"I'm too childish," he chastised himself, not for the first time, "but I will be out of Matt's life after tonight, and he shall be better for it."

"Get well soon," he said to Matt before brushing past them all and going into the dining room, closing the door behind him. Matt watched his tutor for the last time, before being ushered outside and into a car set for London.

Slowly, Matsuda walked to the large, rectangular table and sat down opposite Mello who was finishing off his supper. The child looked over at Matsuda and lit up a fake smile.

"Hullo Matsuda," he chirped, "I suppose it is just you and I now, isn't it?"

Matsuda nodded lightly and looked down at his lap, water from the storm still dripping off his hair and into his hands.

Mello gave him a few glances between chewing his food, "you look unwell," he commented.

Matsuda was almost amused to hear a little genuine concern despite the boy's attempt at being laissez faire.

"Abomination," he heard his father say in his mind.

Abomination.

That is what he had been called. Being discovered as a homosexual meant that in his father's eyes he was a sick, twisted aberration of God's beautiful and perfect creation. It made his father sick.

Matsuda looked at Mello; his blue eyes, soft skin, red lips and blond hair; the boy looked like an angel. But it was a lie. The boy was a devil. An abomination.

"I suppose tonight is going to be very dull," the boy commented, sighing and rolling his eyes a little.

Matsuda's hands shook as he realised what he needed to do in order to save Mello's soul. "M-Mello," he began. Mello looked up at his tutor and gulped. Matsuda's eyes were hollow and his skin was sore and pallid, he was shaking all over. Mello felt an inkling of guilt, but he pushed that away; he hadn't asked Matsuda to get so involved, to go sneaking around and finding out their secrets!

"What is it, Sir?"

There was a loud THUMP from upstairs, which made Mello jump and look up. However, Matsuda ignored it.

"Why were you expelled from school?"

There was a taut pause before, "what do you mean?"

"You were expelled from school. I know, Watari knows, we all know. Your headmaster sent us a letter, but never divulged exactly what you did." There was another bang, this time much closer to the dining room. Mello gulped and the storm outside began to whip itself up again, only this time it seemed unnatural and forced, as if the elements were dedicating themselves to destroying the manor.

"I've been waiting for you to be honest all summer," Matsuda continued, feeling hot and feverish, his speech speeding up as he became more passionate, "all summer I have been waiting and waiting, assuming you were a good boy, assuming that you would tell the truth on your own, assuming that you would not need me to bully it out of you, or coax it, that you were a strong and moral character, but now I know better don't I? You are a liar Mello, you are a liar and I hate it! I tried so hard to get you to understand, to get you to know good, but it has destroyed me and now I am so tired. What did you do to get expelled?"

Silence.

"TELL ME!"

Mello leapt out of his seat at Matsuda's shout, he opened and closed his mouth but was unable to say anything.

"Was it anything to do with this?" Matsuda pulled out the Death Note and placed it on the table. Mello's face turned a ghostly pale. "Did you use it in school? Who did you hurt, your teachers, other children?"

The dining room door slammed open and in the entrance stood the silhouette of Lawliets spirit. Mello frowned in confusion when he looked upon it.

"It's only a ghost," sighed Matsuda, making Mello look at him strangely, "I need the truth Mello!"

"I-I never used the Note at school, I swear it!"

"Quick!" cried the ghost of Lawliet with something almost like panic, "Kira is coming, destroy the Death Note!" From where Lawliet stood, ice began to stretch out into the room. The two males began to see their own breath as icicles began to form on the ceiling.

"Then why were you expelled?" Matsuda ignored the ghost, "I just want the truth damn it! I just want, for once, to hear the damn truth!"

Kira, his eyes blazing a furious red, appeared at the one of the windows. Mello screamed and fell back, "stay away!" He called to the demon outside, "stay away from me! It isn't my fault, it isn't!"

"He is trying to get in," said the ghost in flat manner apparently to Matsuda, "Kira is trying to get in. I have kept him out all this time, but you let him in tutor, that day he chased you across the land and then possessed your body, you allowed him in! You made my defences weaker! I cannot hold him off for long, you must end this."

Matsuda nodded slightly and stepped closer to Mello, who was curling up in front of the dying fire, as if hiding from the cold as much as he was Kira's spirit.

"What did you do Mello?" Repeated Matsuda, "tell the truth."

Something banged into one of the windows, causing it to crack slightly.

"Shut up!" The boy yelled at Matsuda viciously, "it doesn't even matter, it's so stupid, stop Kira from getting in!"

Another window cracked slightly as something was thrown at it again. Matsuda now realised that it was red apples. Kira was flinging dozens of apples at the same time at the windows. Mello whimpered.

"My defences have weakened," stated Lawliet, "a piece of evil has infiltrated."

Matsuda looked around the dining room and Mello watched him as if he were insane. Matsuda wondered momentarily if Mello knew Lawliet was there, but then dismissed it as unimportant.

Everywhere was iced over. The windows were cracking and it was getting darker as the fire faded. But he could not see anything particularly evil. Still he grabbed the Death Note and held it over the fire.

"Quick Mello!" He instructed, "tell me now."

"Hyuk,hyuk,hyuk, it's pointless I already told you." Matsuda felt his skin crawl as he recognised the evil voice dripping with hedonistic pleasure.

He looked up and saw the Death Note demon. Its hands and feet were digging into the ceiling, so it looked like a spider, and it's head was twisted all the way around so that it could see everyone below it.

"Ryuuk," cried Mello, openly weeping, "Ryuuk please help me, Light is so angry right now..."

The pounding of apples against the windows was now insistent. It seemed like hundreds were being dashed against the glass.

Ryuuk laughed and Matsuda said, "you should never trust demons Mello."

"Please, I think Light wants to hurt me!" The child crawled to Matsuda and hugged his legs tightly; Matsuda could feel Mello trembling, "I failed him and he wants me dead!"

Matsuda pulled Mello's arms away and unsteadily knelt down so that he and Mello were at eye level. He kept his hands gripped to the top of Mello's arms and he shook him slightly, "why were you expelled? Why, why is this all happening? Why did you lie?"

"I only swore," answered Mello quietly, "I swear, on what good is inside of me, I only swore. I said a bad word to one of my teachers. That's why they expelled me, that's why I came home early. I never told because it was embarrassing and stupid. I was taught that it was right to pretend to be good, but then to be as bad as you had to be in secret. I am sorry, I never meant to hurt you. Please, please help me."

Some tension released itself from Matsuda's body, "I hope you are telling the truth," he hugged the boy and flung the Death Note into the flames just as one of the windows finally smashed in.

In place of the glass, Kira appeared in all his dark glory.

The ghost of Lawliet stood in front of the Matsuda and Mello.

"You killed me." He whispered icily.

"You killed yourself!" Spat Kira, "then your spirit murdered me by dashing me down those damn stairs!"

"I am a spirit of vengeance," replied the dark one, slowly and calmly, "I want to no longer be shackled to this place. Light was the first and only one I ever loved, but you betrayed me. You became Kira. Then my poor, weary human self crawled in to the dark wardrobe and took every anxiety pill I owned. I died, painfully, in the dark and all alone. I was foreign, and a homosexual. The villagers would have killed me and I had no one to protect me. You put me in that position. Your inequity, your arrogance and your twisted sense of what is right and what is wrong. I, the spirit of Lawliet, killed you in turn to try and bring peace to myself, but it has not happened."

"I was Kira before you tied yourself to my fate. Blame yourself for your downfall. You tried to save the children," the ghost smirked, "but you could not resist me. I seduced you because I could. I was bored. But you, despite your arrogance, was no better than the whores and harlots I fucked and then killed before you." Kira was smirking, but his eyes were soft. Matsuda could imagine that somewhere inside that horrible beast a young Light Yagami was screaming for forgiveness.

Lawliet's spirit remained motionless for some time before declaring, "the Death Note is almost completely burned, maybe now we can finally die."

"Never!"

Matsuda gripped Mello tightly, pushing the boy's small body into his own, making sure the boy's face was towards his chest so that he would not witness the terrifying scene in front of them; the demon cackling on the ceiling, the darkness, the two vicious spirits of tragic lovers squaring off at one another and the ever present scent of burning leather and paper.

As he watched the calm Lawliet and the ever insane looking Kira he realised something.

"He is afraid to die."

He never intended to say it out-loud. The spirits turned to observe him, which was extremely disconcerting; four dead eyes bore into his own and he flinched and gripped Mello even tighter.

The ghosts looked back at one another; Lawliet smirked at Kira in a manner so patronising and disdainful that Matsuda was not surprised (but he was very scared) when Kira let out a huge roar, as he did the wind suddenly screamed into the room and with it pelted a thousand apples which smashed on every surface, covering the tutor and child in mush.

Kira flew into Lawliet, causing a massive flash of light. The two spirits fought, the light stretching and contracting, a whirlwind of apples blew around them. The air was heavy and sweet, making Matsuda feel drunk. He put his face into Mello's hair and held him close, whimpering in fear. Dear God, was he going to die here, die with poor Mello in his arms?

Suddenly, time and space seemed to stop.

The bright white light smashed into a thousand sparkles, each of which disappeared, and all the apples dropped to the ground. The fireplace contained no more fire, and the Death Note was completely burned away.

Silence reigned.

Matsuda lifted his head and took in the wrecked room. He glanced up at the ceiling and saw the demon, Ryuuk, still looking down. It was grinning and seemed like it was about to laugh.

It was then that Matsuda noticed how heavy Mello felt in his arms and that, unlike earlier, Mello's body was curiously limp.

Slowly, already knowing the truth, he pulled the child away from him and looked at his face. The blue eyes that reminded him of clear summer skies were shut. His mouth was slightly parted, but once ruby red lips were now pale.

"N-no..." he whispered as tears began to choke his speech, "please God...no..."

He jumped as something fell to his side.

It was a Death Note.

Ryuuk let out a small chuckle.


	26. Epilogue I

Los Angeles 1934

Misa-Misa, the dance hall queen, returning from her month long holiday in the Caribbean, arrived back in L.A to find a black envelop awaiting her. It had been pressed down with an old fashioned seal and the stamp was evidence that it had come from England.

Dear Mistress,

I am afraid to say that I am the bearer of bad news. Our newest in-house tutor has died. It as another suicide madam. There is even more bad news, more death. The death of someone you loved so please brace yourself Madam. We are not sure of everything that transpired between them but I am also afraid that your poor nephew, Mello, has also passed away. The situation is very strange and the police are baffled. But I shall attempt to explain it the best I can.

Recently Matt became very ill, he was acting strangely and saying that he could see things others couldn't. I am afraid to say that Mr Touta was not a healthy influence on the boys and I think he encouraged them to madness, the same madness, I regret to say, that he himself succumbed to.

But I digress.

Matt and I spent a week in London. When we returned to the Manor the entire downstairs was destroyed, most of the damage we think was caused by a particularly vicious storm. But that is not the worst of it; the few servants who had stayed there on the night we left were found huddled in the kitchens and every one of them had died due to heart failure.

The dining room was the most damaged part of the house. Mr Touta was found in a kneeling position, both his wrists slit, a blooded blade next to him. In his arms lay poor Master Mello who, as far as we can tell, was suffocated.

The police think that the unfortunate tutor had gone insane and crushed poor Mello to his chest, depriving the child of air. Afterwards, in a fit of remorse, he must have slit his own wrists.

I would not bother you normally Madam, but the funerals need to be arranged, and while I can make sure Mr Touta is tidily and quietly buried in the same manner Mr Lawliet was, Mello was your flesh and blood, and it will appear strange to your fans and to the locals if you do not look like you have arranged, or gone to, his funeral.

I must leave this letter short Madam, as Matt (all alone now, poor child) is calling me.

Your ever faithful servant,

Q. Watari.

Misa gasped slightly and fell backward, conveniently into an arm chair. "Oh no," she whined, putting her hand to her head. "Oh dear. What a frightful bore it'll be to organise both of their funerals. TAKADA!" She screeched.

A very harried and stressed maid laden down with several bags and suitcases entered the room. Her brown bob was stuck to her face and neck from perspiration. Her face red and swollen from the effort of carrying so much. "Yes Madam?" She ground out through gritted teeth.

"Why is my life so unfair?" sighed Misa. "Hurry and put those away, then make me some tea."

Trying not to roll her eyes, Takada shuffled back outside to obey her mistress.


	27. The End

Purity.

It always came down to purity.

Matsuda's father believed he was impure, and therefore hated him and destroyed a part of Matsuda forever.

Lawliet and Light believed their relationship to be impure, and so they destroyed themselves.

The Death Note was impure, and that's why it managed to taint every person who touched it; it's malevolent and supernatural force eked its way through Applegate, poisoning the people, polluting the air and corrupting their souls.

And Matsuda understood that impurity would not make it to Heaven.

After Mello was accidentally suffocated in his over-protective arms, Matsuda knew that he would kill himself. The Death Note had landed to his side, the creature Ryuuk cackling whilst unnaturally hanging off the ceiling like a giant spider.

It would have been easy, just to write his name in it, but Matsuda didn't want to sully himself anymore than what he believed himself to be. So instead he pulled over the snapped blade of a knife that had been dashed from the table onto the floor and he slit both his wrists.

His life ebbing away he mourned all the wickedness and pain he had unwittingly caused, mourned for Matt, who would now be completely alone, and waited to descend into a fiery torment.

It was sunny but cold. He was standing in an apple grove, but all the apples were withered and dying.

"Where am I?" He wondered before hearing the voice of a boy.

"Matsuda!" It called, "Matsuda!"

He turned around to see a smiling blond running towards him. "You saved me!" The boy said, a skip in his step and a little breathless, "all of us! Lawliet and Light are gone, now that Kira was ripped out of him and sent down, they wanted me to go with them but I have to stay with Matt. What are you going to do? Oh Matsuda!" he continued not giving Matsuda a chance to answer, "it was wonderful, you should have seen them, it was all forgiveness and understanding and love, pure love, erupting in a white light!"

"Who are you?" Matsuda finally asked, "Sorry, I have no idea what you're on about. I need to go home, but how do I get there?"

The boy's smile faltered as Matsuda spoke. "You remember nothing?" He queried, "oh, well maybe that's for the best...will you come with me back to the house, Matt will return soon?"

Matsuda looked towards a bright red Manor in the distance and shuddered. He didn't know why but he hated and despised it. "I cannot go there," he replied fearfully.

Mello smiled a secret smile of understanding, "that's alright." He looked behind Matsuda, "I think there is someone waiting for you."

Matsuda turned and saw an angel waiting for him further in the groves; he wore a simple white tunic with a single gold band in the middle, had blue eyes and blond hair and was smiling with his arms wide open.

"Aiber!" cried Matsuda, running towards him and forever leaving Applegate, all his insecurities and wretchedness behind.

Mello smiled, watching the young, dark haired boy that he knew was his old tutor, running to the blond child. Together they vanished into the light; their light filled with joy and acceptance and, again, love.

Mello couldn't wait until he and Matt went together. Thanks to Matsuda making Mello an honest man, Mello now had a chance of heaven. Being a Note user, he still had a lot to make up for, even though his soul wasn't so corrupted that it had to be split in two before he could move on. Unlike Light, whose one half would an eternity in Hell and his other half in Heaven with Lawliet, Mello had a chance of going to Heaven whole. So, until Matt's death, he would spend his years in limbo watching over his younger brother and never allowing the Death Note to return to Applegate. After all Matt could see ghosts, and Mello wasn't scary, so it wasn't so bad.

With one last smile at the blue sky, he returned to Applegate ready to comfort his mourning brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment with your thoughts.


End file.
